Random Ramblings

So, I was thinking about life and how I always look forward to what is coming without quite appreciating what is in the "now".

We've probably all done it. I mean, remember when you were 11, and just couldn't wait until you were out of primary? Then you turn 12 and you look forward to being a teenager. 13 comes and you're antsy to be 14 so you can go to church dances. 14 isn't as sweet as 16 so you can drive. 16 loses it's glamor when you consider being an adult. At 18 you discover you're only "sort of" an adult but won't be considered a "full adult" until 21. 21 rolls around and people really don't respect you because you're in your early 20's. You finally receive the respect you wanted at 30, but it's all down hill from there. Each birthday after that puts another toe in the grave. Well, maybe that's a little exaggerated but you get the point.

Same thing goes for parenting. You want baby to sleep. You want baby to smile. You can't wait till baby walks. We want to hear "Mama" or "Dada" but at age 3 you want them to STOP calling your name constantly. You can't wait until school starts then cry when you see them off. Isn't life strange?My goal right now is to strive to live more in the moment. For this moment will pass all too quickly and I'll wonder what happened to my time and if it was well spent. I love my family and want to cherish every moment I can with them, making memories and sharing traditions. What will you do to seize the day?

A rose by any other name...

So, some of you were at the Relief Society meeting about having quiet time in the mornings to "listen" for promptings, answers to prayers and so forth. I've really struggled with getting up before my kids are up to experience this quiet time. I've tried doing it at night, but my mind is too busy regurgitating my day. So tonight Russ and I went to the temple and had a very long wait. I was able to have some quiet time.

We must have had a 45 minute wait. I actually love it when I can sit and wait in the temple. In fact, it's the ONLY place I enjoy sitting and waiting. I love having a prayer and just absorbing the peaceful feeling the temple emits. I decided to have a quiet time and clear my mind of all other thoughts. This is NOT EASY by the way. It's difficult to sit and not let your mind wander to "life". I decided to try a technique I learned in "The Monk Who Sold His Farari". In this book he talks about meditating and clearing your mind by focusing on a rose. Picturing the rose and all of it's details. I tried this after a few moments of a clear mind and instead of seeing a rose, I saw this...
Well, it wasn't EXACTLY this, it was somewhat a combination of these two pics. Now, as you know from my previous blog post, I've been having major fatigue problems and life has been out of control. Imagine throwing a baby into the mix. Yeah, like adding a match to dry grass. So even though I've been wanting and trying to get pregnant for the last year, I've been considering just dropping the issue, at least until I get the fatigue issue sorted out. So what does it mean? I don't know, but I plan to find out through much prayer and pondering. As you can imagine, as soon as the image appeared in my mind quiet time was over. I was so surprised that I couldn't clear my head any more. What an interesting experience this night has been. Ciao for now!

Sometimes Life Stinks

Though I've never personally experienced it, I think there must be a time when a ship is sinking where those who are aboard and unable to get off of the ship mentally "throw in the towel". Or when someone is dying, and they consciously give there last breath because they can't bare to take one more. I am a sinking ship. I'm throwing in the towel so to speak. No, I'm not suicidal, stop worrying. I'm just done. Done with the direction my life, if you can even call it that, has taken. I'm depleted. If I was a pioneer I would be sitting on the side of the trail watching my family walk into the horizon. I'm really not trying to be a downer, I just need to express how I'm currently feeling. Gosh, I really hate it when people are constantly negative, and I think I have been lately.


So, I love my kids. I love having them home, most of the time anyway. I love being IN CONTROL of their education. I want to be IN CONTROL of my home. I wish I had MORE CONTROL over my motivation to eat healthier and exercise more. Are you seeing a pattern here? I'm out of control. And that's normal, it happens. But I can't stand to live life completely OUT OF CONTROL.

I'm having some major issues right now. Call it Epstein Barr Virus (mono), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or Fibromyalgia. I dunno, I've been told all of these at different times by different doctors. All I know is I can't sleep at night, I can't get out of bed in the morning and I hurt most of the time. It sucks. Nobody can fix me. I'm trying to eat better and walk in the evenings. I don't always eat great and I don't always go walking, but I'm giving it a big effort. It doesn't seem to be helping. Am I depressed? YEAH! BECAUSE I am exhausted all of the time! Sigh

So here's my problem. I'm letting my kids down because I'm too tired to do school work lately. I'm letting my family down because I'm too tired to clean and organize my house. I'm letting myself down because I can't do the things I need to. So I'm giving up. No, not on everything. Not on what I HAVE to do, but on what I can let someone else do. For me, that means educating the kids. Right now we're discussing putting them in school in the fall for at least part time. I don't know. I may have to put them in full time. This is a hard decision for our family and Russ and I are going to the temple on Friday to ponder it.

Well, that's one thing that will ease a bit of my burdens anyway. I'm looking to find some other solutions as well. I'm actually accepting help from Martha in organizing/decluttering my house, which is a HUGE step for me. So, I'm making progress I suppose. I started my organization project today. I'm about half way finished with my pantry. I love that things are in labeled boxes right now and that I could walk away, able to come back tomorrow and pick up where I left off.

Now, I just need to feel EXCITED about something in life again. That's one of my goals right now. Find a passion.

Okay, bumfest is over! I feel better already. I just needed to get that off my chest. I hope I haven't depressed anybody! I love you all! Especially those that leave comments. ;)

(Since I'm posting this so late at night and in a fatigued state, I hope I don't regret what I wrote, like I did last time. )

Here come the Cabbits!

Let me tell you about our family. You already know about me, Russ, Aidan, Connor, Coby and Rylie. But do you know about Harry, our pet gopher snake? Or Suki, our very mean cat? Or Velma, Rachel, Rosie, Hermione, Isabella and Miss Puffington our beloved chickens? Well, I'll tell you more about them another time because this post is about our newest addition (drum roll please) JASPER the bunny!

Yes, the Te'o family was nice enough to let us adopt Jasper. This is a new area for us. I had a bunny when I was about 9 years old, but let's face it, that was an eternity ago!

I wasn't exactly sure how the meeting between Suki and Jasper would go. They really didn't know WHAT to think of each other. Suki stalked around the cage. Jasper "thumped" to let her know not to mess with him. After a while I let Jasper out with Suki. Jasper, much to my surprise, chased Suki around and around. Suki just stayed out of reach and seemed confused about what he was and what he was doing. Well, apparently rabbits will mount other bunnies/animals to show dominance. This is true for both male and female rabbits. Jasper caught Suki and mounted her. Suki didn't know what the heck was going on! I separated them and put Jasper back in his cage.

A while later I decided to try again. Well, they played cat and mouse, I mean cat and rabbit, for a while again. Pretty soon he mounted her again. The kids were screaming (I had gone to the kitchen for a minute) that he was hurting Suki. They were in Suki's kitty condo (her pad as it were). I reached in and pulled Suki out. Much to my surprise she darted BACK IN! Naughty kitty!!! She WANTED the "bunny love". I put Jasper back in his cage (this was NOT for such young eyes!). Suki was meowing and going crazy wanting me to let Jasper out of his cage. After the kids were in bed I thought I'd let them "cuddle". So they head back to the condo. I peeked in and Suki was licking Jasper's fur. Oh my. Well, I went in the kitchen to put some things away for a few minutes. When I came back in the living room the two of them were on the stairs. Suki was biting Jasper on the scruff of his neck trying to pull him upstairs with her. Okay kitty, this is getting a little ridiculous. I put "fluffy" back in his cage and covered it up. Suki attacked me (and Russ) on my way upstairs for bed. She wanted Jasper out and became a monster! What a strange strange couple. Sigh...

So, I decided to google this seemingly odd relationship. Apparently it's fairly common. It was amusing to look up cat/rabbit hybrid, or cabbit, and hear the silly stories people have about them. It's not genetically possible for a cabbit to exist, but fun to imagine what they would look like. I'm just glad they can make each other happy without any weird consequences. Is that bad of me????

Well Hello There

I've neglected my blog lately (as some have pointed out). I just thought I'd check in with an update on our little ol family.

Russ' job is going well. In fact, he was offered a position on a new team last week. It's a lateral move, but it's a newly formed team that's purposed is to save the company a lot of money so it will be high profile and "they" will be watching. The best part about it is Russ will now have Sundays off (Yay!) so I will no longer be a single mom at church. HUGE blessing!

Homeschool is slowly but surely coming along. It was hard getting back into a routine after the holidays. Russ' schedule at work also made school complicated since his "weekends" have been on Wed/Thurs. I'm SOOO glad we can now get into a more normal school schedule. I love being home with my kiddos and seeing them understand new concepts. I love seeing their brains work and have "aha" moments. The other day as I was teaching Aidan and Connor their math lesson Connor said, "Mom, this is fun". W O W Days like that make it ALL worth it.

Today is Coby's 7th birthday. 7!!! Can you believe it??? I was reflecting on what was happening 7 years ago today and I got knots in my stomach. It was so stressful. I remember how sick little Coby was. I remember not knowing whether I would see him alive again every time I left the hospital. I remember calling the hospital at all hours of the night to see how he was doing. I remember holding his hand every day and then finally holding him for the first time when he was 6 weeks old. Looking at him today you would never know how hard he fought for life in the beginning. He is our little miracle. He is a blessing from a loving Heavenly Father and we love him and are so so so grateful for him in our lives.

I'm not pregnant. Still. I'm on my third month of Clomid and my fifth month of progesterone. It's hard for me as I see my friends drawing closer to their due dates...my previous due dates. I see them and feel like I should be almost ready to deliver. I should be feeling the baby kicking. I should be hearing the heartbeat. I should be buying onesies and bibs and blankets. I should just be happy. I should be grateful for what I have. I should remember that others have suffered greater losses... and honestly I am happy, and grateful, and I know that it could be so much worse and it is and has been so much harder for others.

I love all of you, my friends. I'm grateful for you and I can feel your love. I hope you all know who you are. Thanks for listening!

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

So, the good news is that almost a year after being laid off RUSS HAS A JOB!!!! 

Yes, we all feel very blessed right now.  I’m so very grateful for Russ.  He’s such a wonderful Husband, Father, Friend, Priesthood holder and Companion. 

 

The bad news…after getting my hopes up that this pregnancy would stick…it’s not.  I had blood work last week that did not look promising.  My follow-up blood work showed a decrease in my hCG levels.  Meaning? An eminent miscarriage, again. 

I’m so frustrated.  So, as I write I am losing yet another baby.  This one has been harder for me, but I’m doing alright.  I can’t help but feel so overwhelmingly grateful for my four beautiful kids and the blessings in our lives right now.

 

The ugly?  Well, these are some UGLY shoes…

Ode to School…At Home…

Some of you have wondered how homeschool is going in the Woolcott home. Thought I'd share a few pics from a day in the life of... duh, duh, duhhhh... the Woolcott chillins!

This is Connor When…

  It’s time to start school in the morning!!!

Aidan STRETCHING….. time to get to work!

 

What are you wearing Coby????  (Isn’t he cute?!)

 (Yes, his shirt says “My imaginary friend just beat up your imaginary friend”.  We just roll like that!)

When I asked Rylie if she would like to go to Fox Hollow or do homeschool with the boys, she said “I want to do ballerina school”… Oh the dreams of a little girl!!!

 

This is Coby, such the procrastinator, when he is mentally DONE for the day…

“Cobyyy, are you awake????”

“I HATE this!!!!”……. “It’s BORING!!…”

“Weeeoooeeeoo, I’m goofy!!”

(Me) “Coby, you will sit here all day if that’s what it takes…”

“FINE!!!”  (slams hand down")

 

FINISHED!!!!