The PFFA Apprentice
Want to dramatically improve your writing through dedicated one-on-one exchange?
Interested in putting together a chapbook for publication?
Tired of all the ninnies in Merciless?
So you want to be “The PFFA Apprentice”, huh? We’re currently taking applications for the upcoming huger-than-huge contest, and only the most masochi—er, talented, need apply. No, that’s a lie! The competition is open to everyone; EVERYONE (except mods and one particular benevolent patron).
Interested applicants need only submit three poems and a 500-word statement of intent, along with a ten dollar donation to PFFA, to be considered. Why the donation? Well, this is a fundraiser of sorts. 100% of all donations will go directly to maintaining and improving your favorite online workshop (pssst, PFFA). Plus, you’ll be participating in the coolest, most legitimate poetry competition ever to hit the Web!
Here’s the scoop—and if you’re familiar with current trends in reality TV, all the better:
The search for “The PFFA Apprentice” is on, and you’ve applied. First, your application materials will be closely, thoroughly considered by the ringmaster himself, Thomas Bates (tbm), who will handpick sixteen participants to move on to the Weekly Challenges rounds. Bates will base his choices not simply on current quality of writing, but also on perceived ability and potential for improvement. The statement of intent will also play a major role in identifying only the most serious, dedicated competitors.
Luckily, you are one of the sixteen chosen, and you move on to the Weekly Challenges rounds. Each week, you will vie with other applicants in a publicly viewable thread through a rigorous series of poetic assignments judged by Bates and his advisors, Harry “Simon Cowell” Rutherford and Lola “Kick-Ass Carolyn” Two. At the end of each week, after the advisors have offered their criticisms, Bates, solely, will select one applicant to be TERMINATED--clearly and thoroughly stating his reasons. The remaining competitors will return to action the following week.
In the end (as Adrian Paul will tell you), there can be only one: the best, the shrewdest, the most determined—“The PFFA Apprentice”. For the next year, this superior person will work one-on-one, via private email, with Thomas Bates, sharpening her skills and completing a chapbook of 25 to 30 poems that she will then, with Bates’ guidance and aid, shop for publication. Bates will also provide assistance in seeking publication for the individual poems included in the book. All in all, “The PFFA Apprentice” will benefit from hundreds of hours of close reading, instruction, revision, and mentoring from one of the best minds online poetry has to offer (Bates told us to write that), all for about $19,990 less than an MFA. It just doesn’t get any better than that.
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This competition is now CLOSED for entries - the names of the 16 selected finalists can be found here.
