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Thread: Blythe's Thread

  1. #91
    Blythe,

    *adjusts dimmer switch on Tizio track lighting in space-age bachelor pad*

    What? No. I'm just like you--I'm here for the art.

    Anyhoo,

    *sits down, sweeps copies of Gear, FHM and GQ off retro-mod plexiglass coffee table, extends apple almond martini and clicks on oversized retro remote to reveal vintage reel-to-reel*

    I really did like that whole thing you did with Moments. And levelling ice cream? I was feeling that one. Plus I'm into ponies

    *supersexy sounds of Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite float through 11 strategically hidden but acoustically balanced NHT Superzero Reference Series speakers*

    and commutes. But enough about me. I'm feeling your office blues too. Hey, don't let The Man get you down, you know what I'm saying?

    *stands up, adjusts dimmer further downward while simultaneously clicking the lighting tint over from Tender Caramel to Brazilian Nectarine using Tizio's SoftColor AutoAccent Lighting System*

    Say, you like Bukowski, right? Cause I got, like, shelves of his stuff in the guest room...


    sefton

  2. #92
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Ventnor, NJ
    Posts
    1,293
    Quote Originally Posted by Blythe
    The people at my work
    are all wrinkles and blubber.
    I feel like if I sit in this chair
    for one more day,
    I'll be old and fat tomorrow.
    Thanks for the read and get out of that chair.

    OZ

  3. #93
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Location
    Florida
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    1,176
    sefton, you're too cute. and a little too smoothe with the ladies, maybe?

    wizzard, thank you for reading. i try to get out of this dang chair every chance i get!

  4. #94
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    Apr 2000
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    Florida
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    April 25 - Contention Lane

    Falling asleep on Contention Lane

    The dog park across the street;
    a loud cat mewling in heat;
    metallic wheeze of an engine as it catches
    protestingly, echoes off the wall;
    the sring sring of a saw,
    then silence; I should close my windows
    when I want to fall asleep.

  5. #95
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    Florida
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    April 26 - San Juan River, March 2000

    San Juan River, March 2000

    The flirt of water rounding boulders;
    you had followed me
    down to the river when I was trying
    to evade the hazy baby
    campfires, and enjoy a lonely dusk.
    The river was a great swash of gravy.
    The tan of the desert was bolded by rocks.

  6. #96
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374
    Quote Originally Posted by Blythe
    Hey Andrea & Roge,

    Thanks for commenting! I'm almost a little sad to see April end so quickly, since this challenge has gotten me writing again. Of course, it will probably take until next April to revise all of this nonsense into something presentable.

    I'm glad you found something to like here, thanks again for reading...
    Blythe
    I know. It got a lot of people going again. There's a lot of material here. So, yes, there's more than a few people I'm glad to see producing. I also like being able to see what people's rough stuff looks like before we hunker down to polish it.

    sring, sring I don't think I've ever seen this onomatopoeia before. Liked it.

    -a

  7. #97
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    Apr 2000
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    Florida
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    Andrea, srrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrING! thanks for reading. god, i still have to come up with something for today...I'm feeling tapped out. Maybe the drive home will inspire me.

    Blythe
    Life consists in being the self-developing whole which dissolves its development and in this movement simply preserves itself. - G.W.F. Hegel

  8. #98
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    Apr 2000
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    April 28 - A lymrick

    There once was a woman so keen
    who took just two minutes to preen
    and if her hair
    flew about everywhere
    she'd bang on her head with a ball peen.
    Life consists in being the self-developing whole which dissolves its development and in this movement simply preserves itself. - G.W.F. Hegel

  9. #99
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    Apr 2000
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    Florida
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    April 29 - Headache of Saturday

    the headache of translating Saturday
    afternoon into Saturday night, after
    a two-beer lunch and a nap
    and now the evening with no plans, no Friday
    night tambourine. We’re all
    crabby because the phone
    doesn’t squeal and his itchy-pants
    are getting tighter.


    and there’s nothing
    in the fridge and weekend
    television sucks: reruns of shows
    that never made it anyhow.

  10. #100
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    April 30 - McEwan Cut-up

    citizens: water
    squeezed and
    lifted by creases,
    leaving uncertain
    polders where
    only terror holds
    the diligent green
    sea upstairs,
    remote. there are
    unarguable rules:
    peaceful enough neighborhood
    beards grief behind doors.

  11. #101
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    South Africa
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    Blythe

    Well, now that I’ve written my sestina I came back to look at yours as promised. The narrative was an interesting one but (and maybe this is just the effect on me of the links Brian posted in the NaPoWriMo thread commenting on The Best of American Poetry) the piece read as prose broken on the ends for the sake of the repeating words. The reading up I did advocated lines of uniform length although Andrea informed me that varying line length is acceptable in the modern form. I found these line lengths too variable however. I also thought that “lord” was a particularly unfortunate choice for an end word as there is only so much that you can do with it and it doesn’t really develop through the piece but carries the same meaning. But I only can say all this having wrestled with the beast myself. I think too, and Dunc made this comment about my sestina and it was valid, that the narrative was dragged out longer than necessary for the sake of the form. One really does need a long story to tell, I think, to justify the form.

    April 18, even though only three lines, worked for me as an image but it might currently be a bit thin to work as a stand alone.

    Prometheus Tree had some lovely sounds in it (esp S1) and some very good imagery I thought.

    April 22 – I really really like the idea behind this piece. I think it’s current execution could definitely be better, I know you can write stronger than that, but going for a Williams minimalist style as your title suggests is probably the right idea. I think that might be what is unsatisfying about it at the moment is that the title led me to expect an economy of words which just wasn’t present.

    High Horse is wonderful figurative language. It is just the kind of thing I have wanted to write since reading that thread in blurbs that contains Life the Hound. I’m lazy or I’d post the link here. If you don’t workshop High Horse at some point I’ll fulminate and froth for the rest of time. Not really, but you get what I mean.

    San Juan River I strongly dislike you for creating such beautiful images on day 26 of the challenge when I was well past using descriptive language when a perfectly suitable telly abstraction was available.

    April 28 – the metrics on that limerick were awful, but you know that. And who am I to throw stones not having attempted one.

    April 29 – Very nice. This really captured the emotion of N for me and worked really well and itchy pants was a good touch I thought. This is also a workshoppable piece in my opinion.
    Poetry is ordinary language to the Nth power - Paul Engle

  12. #102
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Buxton, Maine, USA
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    2,095
    Hi Blythe:

    I wanted to stop by and congratulate on finishing the month and let you know that thoroughly enjoyed your thread( well maybe not that atrocious limerick) but you have turned some lovely phrases "Trees" and "San Juan River" are two of poems that the images are phrased particularly well. I look forward watching what you do with these and the others in your thread. You have loads of good material.


    "....Only
    the trees still stand straight,
    inclining bud-studded branches
    in elegant inches." ( My favorite)

    Gene

  13. #103
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Location
    Florida
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    Hey Gene, Kevin, thank you both so much for your kind comments, as well as taking the time to read all these posts this whole month. I certainly appreciate the support.
    Life consists in being the self-developing whole which dissolves its development and in this movement simply preserves itself. - G.W.F. Hegel

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