Thank you.Originally Posted by Keyez
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Thank you.Originally Posted by Keyez
G'Day, David! I see you're still into chickens, bwuck bwuck. heh. gotta say, when this is over and you have your 30 chicken poems, you should entitle the whole shebang "30 Ways to Dine on Chicken", or something like that. I salute you. Hard enough to write a poem a day for a month, let alone write a poem a day about chikens for a month! and do a good job of it as well! I liked the rooster poem alot - good ending. Was less enthusiastic about yesterday's poem because of all those dashes - content is ok, but the dashes chop it up to much. Not all the dashes are properly used, either. Bt still, a good effort.
I like to paint images around empty spaces.
My Flickr Photos
Cheesecloth Moon (art, poetry,photography, some ranting, etc
egrobeck (my ArtFire shop)
Cookalas Pretty Things (my shop blog)
ThanksOriginally Posted by cookala
very much
cookala.
David
I just thought that if Charles Chickowski (poem 3) was a Bukowski type it would
be kinda funny to have Penny be an Emily Dickinson type poet. And yes, my use of dashes in the poem is incorrect to the point of being ridiculous. I like both Bukowski and Dickinson. But Bukowski being essentially a non poet who basically writes prose with line breaks is much easier to parody than Dickinson
who is a genius.
Thanks again.
Hi David,
Let's take a look at this Penny Dickinson's poem. I should actually like this because I like the other Dickinson as well, heh. Should there be more '?' somewhere, like in L2 and L5. Nice read. Thanks.
Autumn
Originally Posted by David Mascellani
Good, funny opening line. I would replace 'frog' with 'scum' or 'turd'(heehee). Um, and I would break after 'finest' so that the reader is like, totally unexpecting 'Sevres'. Looking forward to your next one.
Tanya
i think you should write TWO poems a day!
#6.,., another enjoyable read.,.
my only nit is with "frog- in a bog", a bit elementary sounding and a bit distracting of the rest of beautiful words! ,., * i think someone else commented on that as well*
thanks
~Keyez~
Thanks very much Autumn, Tanya, and Keyez.
Poem for April 7: Chicken.
One night
one road
no cops
one crowd
two drivers
one smash
one crash
two corpses
two funerals
Chicken.
Okay, I know which chicken this is. One question. Should the crowd comes after the crash? Thanks for the read.Originally Posted by David Mascellani
Autumn
Very clever, very impactful, so to speak. I like #7. It's this type of poetry that people who aren't "into" poetry would like. I think M.A.D.D and other driving/accident related groups would appreciate this. This is serious stuff, beneath the slight facade.
I found another chicken poem.
Sorry.
You've outdone yourself, David.
Tanya
Heya, David. Ah, very clever. Yet another definition of "chicken". You go, dude!
I like to paint images around empty spaces.
My Flickr Photos
Cheesecloth Moon (art, poetry,photography, some ranting, etc
egrobeck (my ArtFire shop)
Cookalas Pretty Things (my shop blog)
Oh yes -- I quite like this Mr. Mascellani.
It would make for GREAT poster poetry! Seriously. I've no idea how one goes about that sort of thing, but I have seen a few, and they seem to feature poems like this (with sort of grim images behind them.) And it sure beats "just say no" or something.
Well done -- Ella
well, i didnt get the play on words with "chicken" until i someone mentioned it in a crit..,., after the realization, this poem came together!
i dont think many people could pull off a poem like this,.,. but i think you managed!
one suggestion,.,. i think if you were going to edit this, you might consider adding another line beginning with something other than "one" or "two", like you have "no cops".,.,.,.,. i think it would keep the "ones" and "twos" a bit fresher!
~Keyez~
Autumn- You have a point. You are talking about the crowd of onlookers which gathers round to check out an accident. The crowd in my poem is a crowd of spectators who have come to see the illegal race. Maybe I could use the two types of crowds -one type before the race and one typr after the race- to balance
out the "no cops" imbalance of which Keyez refers.
Tanya - Thanks for comments, compliment, and poem.
Cookala- thanks dudette.
Ella- I'll have to check out this poster poetry. Thanks
Keyez- Good points. Thanks.
April 8- Life-Times
Artie put the barrel of the gun
into his mouth and pulled the trigger.
He believed this to be
the best solution to his problems:
Lonely,
luckless in love,
deadend job,
gambling debt
etc
etc
etc.
So many etceteras,
too many etceteras
as if they grew abundantly wild and mad
on some etcetera bush.
Each etcetera
another problem on Artie’s list of laments.
Another reason
another excuse
for Artie’s decision to die.
And die he did.
But somehow he came back
as a hen-
his human soul and thoughts intact.
And he
or should I say she
came to know the pain of laying eggs
and of being a randy old rooster’s favorite.
Missing an opposable thumb
with which to grasp
Artie the ex man now hen
yearned for the sweet release of the farmer’s axe.
Until she realized that her next life might be even worse
than either this or the last.
and the absurdity of all it all made her laugh and laugh
or,rather, cluck and cluck.
She fell in love with Roger the randy old rooster and his rustic charms
and she made many a friend with all sorts of hens
and found herself
no longer lonely,
very much lucky in love,
She adored her job as a free-range chook,
had no gambling debt
and when she died- she was a grandmother hen
Her next life came and she was
once again human.
Brought back to bring peace to the earth.
And ,of course,
just as her job was begun
she was assassinated
by some nut job with a gun.
Illegal race? Oh, the 'no cops' is clearer now. That also explained why the crowd came before the smash and the crash. I'll come back to look at April 8 later, coz it's long! Heh.Originally Posted by David Mascellani
Autumn
I need more sleep. I didn't mean illegal race. I meant one of those illegal situations where two drivers drive towards each other and the "chicken" pulls away first. Thanks for comments.Originally Posted by Autumn