Dunc and those shoores soote

[Dunc]

Thanne longen folke to goon on pilgrimages

Emphasis on goon / Dunc



Much later -

Zounds! Sooner be out of the world than out of the fashion! So here's an

INDEX:

NaPoWriMo 2006


....1. In the Study of Dr Faust
....2. Platoland
....3. What the First Wife Said
....4. Starburst
....5. The Littlest Angel
....6. Cheap Jokes Day
....7. Alexandria
....8. Cleo and Me
....9. Ghost Story, chapter 9
..10. Biggles Buries Marie
..11. The Kerepesi Cemetery
..12. Suds
..13. The Submerged Cathedral
..14. Three Scenes in which Lord Charles Beresford Appears
..15. Notes of a Visit
..16. Midnight at the Quarryman
..17. A Hot Day
..18. Cherub
..19. Heroes
..20. $1.41
..21. Driving to Canberra
..22. Wus
..23. The Blue Man
..24. Passing Acquaintance
..25. Anzac Footnote
..26. The Date of Easter Sunday in the Western Calendar
..27. Flowers for Algernon
..28. On the Tweed
..29. Roundball Meditation
..30. Day Thirty
30b. Obligatory Cat Poem


JuPo 2006

.......1
.......2
.......3
.......4
.......5
.......6
.......7
.......8
.......9
.....10

[prokopton]

If you're gonna write 30 poems in Olde English, don't expect any intelligent crits, er, anymore than usual that is.


fGeof

[cookala]

yay! Dunc is in!

cookala
*does a little dance*

[TanyaLS]

Hope Roge's not hogging the Talisker on you, Dunc.

Looking forward to the reads,
Tanya

[Dunc]

Well, it may not be April where you are, but it's April here -




1 April 2006



IN THE STUDY OF DR FAUST

.....[Faust at the desk, looking older.
.....Mephisto over his shoulder.
.....Faust moves to unroll
.....a long scroll.]

FAUST
“Fiery suffering, endless, hard”

MEPHISTO [Points to parchment.]
The Clootie BOTTOMLESS Credit Card!

FAUST
“Moral torment void of hope”

MEPHISTO [Points]
The MEMBERS’ BAR - free booze, free dope!

FAUST
“Servitude in blackest Hell”

MEPHISTO [Points]
Nude snaps of FIFI! And LIZELLE!

FAUST
And even after Doomsday. Strewth!

But where’s the clause that gives me youth?

MEPHISTO
Maturity brings wisdom. Youth
is wasted on the long-in-tooth!

FAUST
Age is a poison splinter! Age is a wolf in winter,
thief, moonlighter, little unceasing biter,
scraping, misshaping, unforgiving.

Age! My eyes are red and dim,
I spit when I talk, I pant when I walk;
my memory’s iffy; the whole thing’s whiffy!

Age! Without quim
I’m not living!

.....[He pulls the waist of his pants forward and stares in.]

Give me back my stiffy!

MEPHISTO
Hm.

FAUST
I’ll be plain. Age is vile. Age is real.
.....[Very softly.]
No youth, no deal.

MEPHISTO
Okay, okay. I won’t be mean.

.....[Taps the parchment with his cane. A flash of flame.]

I’ve just added Clause Thirteen.

FAUST [Reads eagerly.]
“Youth till the Appointed Day" -
when’s that?

MEPHISTO
.....Oh, it’s still yonks away!

FAUST
Whacko! Let’s go.
Point out the line where I sign.

.....[Tries to jab arm with quill;
.....frowns and stands still.]

I’m so dried out, it’s just insane -
I can’t even find a decent vein.

.....[MEPHISTO turns away,
.....and whips out teaspoon and tourniquet.]

MEPHISTO
Oops!

.....[Slips teaspoon out of sight.
.....Tourniquets FAUST tight.
.....FAUST jabs arm with force.
.....Thunder and lightning, of course.]

FAUST
Well? Show me how?
What happens now?

.....[MEPHISTO claps.
.....A chalice is brought by devilish chaps.]

MEPHISTO
Ignore the stink. Just have a drink.

.....[FAUST takes a sip, pulls a face.
.....then chugs the lot with evident distaste.

.....A long silence. A minute’s past;
.....MEPHISTO speaks at last.]

There you go! Good as gold!
Told you so! No longer old!

.....[FAUST rushes to the mirror.
.....Slowly, a look of horror ...]

FAUST
Still withered and weak; still yellow of cheek,
still talk with a squeak; still teeth like teak;
still plumbing leak; a freak antique!

You fucking prick!
This is a trick!

.....[He watches them wriggle.
.....He hears one giggle.]

DEVIL [Titters to other devil.]
Tell ‘em the right story
and they’ll even drink stout with Milo and Midori!

MEPHISTO
In breach of every Christian rule
you think you can buy back your tool?
Huh! You’re not cool, you’re

MEPHISTO and DEVILS
APRIL FOOL!

.....[MEPHISTO unmasks with a knowing nod,
.....revealing that he’s really God.

.....FAUST’s fury lightens, cut in half;
.....he slowly starts to laugh and laugh;
.....he slaps MEPHISTO’s back, turns red,
.....then clasps his head and drops down dead.]

MEPHISTO
Oops!

[Eloise S]

teehee!
What wit, and any excuse to get the word 'quim' into a poem is fine by me!

Eloise

[Dunc]

*Oops indeed!*

[Searcher]

Ah Dunc, this is demon doggerel at its finest. I mean that as a sincere compliment. Un-metered rhyme is often crude but this sings, a testament to your talent and your ear. Not mention that it was also great fun.

Thanks for the opportunity to read it;

Gene

[Nanphi]

Good Heavens, Dunc, that's amazing. Is April 1st a holiday in Oz? You could just lounge around all day (with Talisker) and turn out a long witty poem? It's clever and fun to read and shows all your abillity with rhymes and rhythm. Great start on the month's Toil.
- Nanphi

[madwax]

wow, haha! I'm going to check your thread every day all month!

[cookala]

oops, indeed!

wow, Dunc, this is awesome. and you've been working on this for how long?

cookala
after reading Nanphi and Dunc she's completely freaked
about WTF she's going to come up with later today...
God help her!

[prokopton]

smart start, mage.

fefGo

[glaucon]

Now this is cool: an April Fool without a tool to rule the poem pool!

Rocks!

Thanks, Dunc.

-glaucon

[Autumn]

Wow, great start, Dunc.

Cheers,
Autumn

[senia]

You should warn people to be careful if they're drinking hot coffee and reading your April Fool poem. Great job, Dunc.

Annie
I'm sure my keyboard will be fine, if a little sticky