Glaucon's "The Ice Meth Cometh" Thread

[glaucon]

.

The Dead Soldier Speaks a Homefront Dirge

To see another face of regret
in war, take two steps back
from her limp-doll body, scrutinize
bulging eyes, spit-glistened mouth, matted hair,

then hang yourself from a basement hook.

I might have made a good husband,
you a good wife, planted marigolds,
written poor poetry, and lived simply.

The only IED you couldn't side-step,
my soldier for peace,
was daddy.

.

[Gregory_Owen]

I really like your writing style, language and turns of phrase, some excellent stuff here. I particularly liked the first one and Austria Bound

[Donner]

Howdy, glaucon, fun thread. I'm way behind reading, but trying to catch up over the weekend. How on earth do some of you guys manage to write poems of any length on such short notice, and good ones, too? I can barely manage to spit out 8 lines. Oy.

I enjoyed Austria Bound (even though I first read the destination as Australia, but that's my brain's fault, not yours). I don't know if I would have let "a vast cry of light rose up" sit out there all by itself, but that's just me. The whole is rollicking fun. Superman Speaks at the 12-Step Program is a hoot. Loved:

Somewhere, a screw needs screwing
in too tight.

Somewhere, a key cries to break
off in a lock.

Perfect, but I thought only Kryptonite could take Superman out. Heh heh.

Donner

[Triglyph]

Glaucon-- Superman's a riot! It just keeps building while everything falls apart... or something like that. Great fun, anyway. "The Dead Soldier at a Homefront Dirge" deserves far more thoughtful/coherent comments than I'm capable of right now. It's one worth coming back to later, certainly.

Triglyph

[shadygrove]

Without the link I had trouble making sense of "The Dead Soldier." Too many characters for too few lines. With the article ingested calmly, I came back to the poem and outright sobbed. Wrenching tears on the keyboard and everything. So you must be doing something right. Remember back in the day when linking in the middle of writing was a radical new idea? They called that hypertext; I guess this is a hyperpoem.

[glaucon]

shadygrove: Thanks for stopping, and I'm sorry if I got your keyboard wet. The whole story behind the Dead Soldier Speaks made an impression on me when it happened, and since this was the anniversary of Lavinia Gelineau's brutal murder by her father, I wanted to mark the occassion. I won't be doing it again, though. Having to click on a link and read an article before being able to understand the context of a poem just doesn't make it. I have thought of doing an ENTIRE poem in hypertext, with each word, phrase, or line linked to a sound effect, a song, a picture, etc. and putting it in Experimental, but I'm sure it's been done before, and good Lord, I probably wouldn't have the patience, were I reading it, to click about while trying to read... Heh. Thanks again for your comments and support!

Triglyph: Appreciate very much your kind words. It's always nice to know when things work (and fall apart)! Thanks!

Donner: I'm honored you could stop by. I know, it's impossible to keep up with everything. I always thought Clark was, by far, much more interesting as a character than Superman. My sympathies are always with the underdog/clutz. The vast cry of light was sitting there alone as an attempt to bring the rolling, fast pace to a bit of a halt, and I shortened up the lines after to slow it down, but I'll rethink it based on your well-honed instincts. Thanks again!

Gregory: It's great you could swing by and impart some much-appreciated support. Muchos gracias!



Here comes #10. One third of the way there!

[glaucon]

.
Dutch Plug

Phyllis Vandermeer was a bull
of a woman. She worked the foundry
where my father brought me as a child.
She plied a trick to entertain me. She'd wet
her finger in her mouth, then dip
it like an ice-cream cone
into a vat of molten iron:

a scarlet lava dollop hanging on the fingertip,
smoking in the air for just a second.
With a practiced flip, she'd toss the plug
casually onto greasy concrete
to hiss and sputter in the corner
like a demon-mouse.

It was the spit; it vaporized
and formed a momentary shield.
One day, she forgot to suck her finger first.
Since that day, I won't go near a leaky dike.
.

[Salli Shepherd]

Glaucon, that was just hysterical. That final line - I was helpless. You had me so fascinated with the process of her dipping her finger in that molten metal! The line break on "was a bull / of a woman" was fun, too. I wasn't sure about "dip / it like an ice-cream cone" though, either line break or simile, but the rest was outrageously fun, a good story and as good a larf. Keep it up!

- Sal

[Arun]

Dammit glaucon, are you posting a day in advance just to mock us??

This one got a chuckle out of me alright. The demon-mouse simile is great.
Keep them coming (but not before time, for god's sake!)

Cheers!
Arun

[Cass]

Hi Charles,

Wow! Now that's variety. You really managed to capture the different atmospheres with each poem, tell a story, flesh out interesting characters, and all in one day! They were all great reads, though I really liked having a poem from Clark Kent, (didn't Superman's perfection get annoying?). "The Dead Soldier Speaks a Homefront Dirge" was powerful, with a subtle ending. The article helps, but I think the poem stands on its own. It was a little hard to keep the characters and POV straight, which is something to consider post NaPo.

I have to say, after this month I will never, ever drink something again while working on the computer.

Good luck with the rest,
Cass

[DiggerTractor]

I'm sorry, but I only have a few pieces of fluff to donate. I think you could really develop the Clark Kent persona (kind of the more wholesome version of Mr. Black--who you promised to bring back). You could do entire episodes of Clark Kent taking on the world pursued by the perfect Superman persona he can never live up to with out the cape.


"Dead Soldier" is nicely done. I actually think your idea of the hyperlink would be cool (and yes probably has been done, but I don't think we're the first to do these things called Poems...smartass, I know) the possibilities are fascinating.

Anyway,
see you around.
Mitch

[billdozer]

Hi, I'm half way through your postings and have to catch my breath. Damn you're good.
First thing I thought reading Cholita was that you must like to read you're stuff aloud. It is perfect slam material.
Vaginas -- you don't even cut corners on the doggeral. That's a lot of class for the gutter.
Riding Alone blew me away. Especially the close:
"be grateful, as you lie in the quick
of trembling awe,
for the very next thing
to happen."

When I read Wordsworth's Tintern Abbey twenty some years ago, it triggered a natural high that lasted a day. No poem has done that since. But this one made me remember that day vividly. Thanks.

Children of the Meadow reminded me of Piper at the Gates of Dawn. It needs tightening but it's great to see this kind of thing side by side with the macho stuff.
I like " the goddess that nods in an acorn." It says so much with such economy.

sign me,
Jealous.

[Donner]

Donner: The vast cry of light was sitting there alone as an attempt to bring the rolling, fast pace to a bit of a halt, and I shortened up the lines after to slow it down, but I'll rethink it based on your well-honed instincts.

Oh, heavens, trust your own instincts, they're well-honed, as well. It was a fast, drive-by impression, so give it only the consideration that kind of comment deserves.

Donner

[TanyaLS]

Hey Glaucon. Your thread is so entertaining. I wish I had time to read all of it right this minute. I like "Riding Alone", especially:

Riding alone at night gloved
in leather and steel,
down a rifled barrel of road
that fires through hemlock, spruce and elm,

it may occur to you to stop
beside a moon-silvered field,
shut down the engine
and step out into

..................................the ringing silence,
as if you are born into the Marianas Trench.

It captures the spirit of, well, riding alone at night (and I would know because my dad's told me all about it, so there) and I like "Ode to Vaginas" (really). The last half of the last quatrain made me think of the v's main reason for being: getting pregnant.

He came first and slept.
It's time he repays.

Sweet revenge. Heh.

Tanya
Cookie blush? Yeah right.

[Dunc]

Glaucon

Interesting read. The Dead Soldier certainly taps a strong vein, but you need to re-write it so it can stand on its own - without the link I could make no sense of it. Visiting the Fallen struck me as the big one so far. The second half is notably good, and if you tighten S1, 2 & 4, nice stuff. Riding Alone has its excellent moments of time and place, though I couldn't work out what The Shock was. It's substantially parallel to Austria Bound in structure, if not in detail - there however we at least know the shock is (the dream of) Salzburg. Both seem to have their best moments in the pastoral rather than the dynamic bits but that's fixable.

Good going, considering those bloody NaPo deadlines! Regards / Dunc