Annie's Tiny Bubbles Thread

[Martha.A.]

Hi Annie,

I keep coming back to Date Night. It delights me to read it then depresses me when I move on because, sigh....why didn't I write that?

just beautiful,

Martha

[Cass]

Hi Annie,

I enjoyed them all, but really liked #1, #3, and #5. The close in your last one is great. #3 was fun to read since I take the bus every day. You captured the different type of riders very well.

Cass

[cookala]

Hey, Annie. wow, the ending of #5 is wow! excellent! and i love "wieght of a November sky" too. you just keep getting better and better, girl!

[senia]

Thank you to everyone for stopping by--it is so very nice of you all.

Kathleen--You are too kind--these are pieces that need big time work. It just feel good to get them down.

Donner--Did you call me odd? Heh. Thank you for the fluff and the detailed comments. I appreciate the time you spent and maybe I can get the even days to be match the others but don't hold your breath. And thank you for noticing the sounds. I tried.

Gene--You're the best. thank you for continuing to read and be so supportive.

Tony--I'm so glad you stopped by and found something to like. I appreciate it a great deal.

Jee--Deployed images! Sounds like a battle and I'm afraid I'm losing. Seriously
thank you for your kindness.

Martha--Thank you--I'm glad you liked Date NIght--it was fun to write. I need to fix that one horrid line though. It makes me cringe!

Cass--Being a commuter is just great poem fodder especially during NaPo, I think. I'm glad you stopped by and thank you for being so kind.

cookie! You are so damned supportive. It means the world right now. I feel like I haven't found my groove yet and I'm working so much--Enough!No more whining! Thank you

[senia]

Brians' Mother Visits Him at Work

She comes to visit when she can.
She sits on the bench outside the door
and waits for him to notice.
He talks to her about his life,
his wife, his job
and she reads about the weather.

Atlanta, Savannah
live oaks and petticoats,
peaches and pecans.

He takes her hand.

But she's lost in sunlight
bright as unstruck copper coins
and doesn't notice
that rain's begun to fall.

[Autumn]

Hi Annie,

I enjoyed all your poems.
#1 - very nice and sweet with tone bordering on exotic. There's some nice imagery as well.
#2 - I like the voice, loud and clear and just appropriate for the poem.
#3 - I like this very much, the metaphor and the punch line at the end. Good stuff.
#4 - another beautiful love poem. This one is more forceful than #1. Other than the cliche, its pretty good already.
#5 - I like the tone of the poem and the images in this one, 'November sky', 'barren field', 'fenceposts crowned with crows' and the last three lines.
#6 - I like the forlorn undertone in this and the last strophe is very good.

Keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to more.

Autumn

[kevinsparks]

Annie,

#6 - I like the way that you handled the transition from the prosey, descriptive first strophe to the poetic last strophe. "live oaks and petticoats" that's a jam-on-the-tongue phrase, delightful.

Thanks,
kwithink

[Roge]

Hi Annie - I have enjoyed reading through this thread. 1, 3, and 5 would be my picks so far, but all contain wonderful phrasing and images:

fenceposts crowned with crows is just one fine example.

Keep up the good work.

TTFN - Roge

[Pearl]

I like the "quiet desperation" in your latest poem: they are together, but there is such a distance between them.

Paula

[Searcher]

Annie, I love the gentle turn at the end of #6, well handled and very poignant.


Gene

[Dave Rowley]

Hi Annie,

Great thread, I enjoyed the contrasting moon's in #1, I loved the energy you built up at the end. I really enjoyed this from 'Two well meaning friends take me to lunch':

'Draped in ivy and clothed in skins,
I will cut my hair and slice my cheeks.'

Great extended metaphor in 'Scratching on the 8' was just great, i loved the broken rack of balls and tottering over the edges at the end.

'Brian's mother' is pitch perfect, I love it's understated tone. The ending works very well.

Cheers, keep 'em coming

[senia]

Thank you all for being so supportive. It is greatly appreciated.

Autumn--Wow. Thank you for taking the time to give me your thoughts on each piece. I'm grateful that you took the time.

kwithink--Jam on the tongue! That's just what I was going for. The beginning needs work but that's what the rest of the year's for. I'll be by your thread when I finally get a day off and can properly enjoy it.

Roge--Thank you for being so kind and I'm glad you found something to like here. Have I ever told you how much I love your sense of humor? That referee/whistle poem still cracks me up.

Pearl--Thank you--I'm glad that came through even though I think I was a bit heavy handed in showing it. This is my favorite piece so far this month.

Gene--Gosh and gee. I'm glad you enjoyed this one.

hatrabbit--It's awfully nice of you to stop by. I'm glad you enjoyed #6 as it's my favoite piece so far this month.

[senia]

That House on Hassalo Street

I can forgive them for the snail and gnome
sitting under the hydrangea
and the pink etoile drapes that never fade
simply for the way
blue hyacinths line their walk
with a sweetness
that I wear throughout the day.

[Jee Leong]

Hi Annie,
great first line though the syntax and the antecedent of "their" become ambiguous. The poem bears the lightness of your touch.

Jee Leong

[Triglyph]

Annie, So much to enjoy in this thread. All of them have great moments; #1 and #3 stuck out for me. My favorite is #6-- great sounds in "Atlanta, Savannah / live oaks and petticoats, / peaches and pecans." I really feel for Brian and his mother. Great work!

Triglyph