ADecay, Who Never Had a Lick of Sense

[glaucon]

ADK, howdy!

Loved 16:

Their heavy bodies thwack in gooney-bird
landings and they fly at lights
like deluded moths

Oh, my God, how true! Can't stand the buggers, either. And they're FAST when they scuttle. It made me shiver, so you did something right in this one...

-Charles

[ADK]

Hi glaucon,
I was going to post Sarah3, but I went outside for a cigarette and guess what. Instant inspiration, heh. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

April 17

Sarah3
Saws and hammers sound twenty -four, seven,
three sixty-five, as she draws walls to contain
her sanity. The wood witnesses her struggle:
doors to a drop over the kitchen sink or an exit
eight feet above the garden, a window set
in the floor, rooms within rooms, staircases
dying on ceilings: one hundred sixty rooms,
two thousand doors, ten thousand windows.
Sarah builds a forest to hide her limbs within.

For thirty eight years the din continued.
Upon her death, at eighty-two, carpenters
downed their hammers, nails half-driven.

[cookala]

Heya, ADK. Wow,this Sara is getting more interesting by the minute, and I'm starting to get hooked. which means you're doing something very right! I love the idea of using rooms/construction as the metaphor. very nice. The cockroach poem was a hoot - er, batshit? - heh. dare I say too abstract? ick. they are the most ick creatures ever. just mentioning them makes me feel like I have creepy crawlies on my skin. When I worked in NYC, I had a constant fear that one day I'd take my wallet out of my purse and there'd be one crawling on my hand. ugh! so, you're poem brought all that back to me, I thank you not.

[David Mascellani]

I agree with cookala. And I must add that your poem,Sarah3, is wonderfully alliteracious!.

[glaucon]

ADK: I'm at work, so this has to be quick:

Sarah3 is utterly fantastic! You're on to a great saga here, and you're treating it perfectly. I hope you continue it, and decide to workshop it later.

regards.

Charles

on edit: I know she's dead now, but you can do Sarah 1 and 1/2, and Sarah 2 and 3/4, etc.

[ADK]

Hi cookie, David and glaucon,
Thanks so much for the encouraging comments on Sarah3. And I'm sorry if the cockroach poem creeped you out, but that was the intent, heh. Batshit is a word that means crazy in my neck of the woods. Guess it's not universal.

April 18 A two-fer.

Inca doves form living pyramids
to heat each other in cold climes:
each bird a tesselated part
in a fractal of their mosaic wings.




I never thought about it thus.
A sight ignites the need to write
a poem about the scene. I guess
my muse is serendipitous.

[TonyWilliams]

Hi ADK

I haven't given your thread the reading it deserves yet (roll on May), but from the reading I have given it, my favourites are the April 5 cat poem, 11 possum + dogs, and 12 atomic ticks, all of which were charming & original; plus the first line of 7, 'She bussed skylines of bottles' - wow, really good.

Tony

[Dave Rowley]

Hi ADK,

I'm getting hooked on the Sarah saga. I googled SW, it's a great story and I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with it. I like the idea of a 160 stanza poem staggering all over the place with metaphors leading nowhere and alliterative sections turning back in on themselves and poor ADK waking each morning knowing he has to do more work on the poem to keep the ghosts away. Heh heh.

Loved this from #3:

'she draws walls to contain
her sanity'

wasn't so keen onthis though:

'Saws and hammers sound twenty -four, seven,
three sixty-five, '

the twenty four seven/ three sixty five thing is a bit pre-fabricated and out of keeping with the turn of the century setting of the story.

this was a very nice close for the dove poem:

'each bird a tesselated part
in a fractal of their mosaic wings.'

cheers

[larryrap]

ADK,

Reading Sara 3 I can't help thinking what great strides you have made in poetry since your first PFFA effort sometime last year. In fact whenever I read a line of yours I can't help thinking about that. You should be mounted on the PFFA lounge wall to show what some natural talent can be moulded into with a few critical whacks.

Larry

[ADK]

Hi Eparsons: Very happy to have you visit. I'm glad (and relieved) you found some things that pleased you, heh.

Hi hatrabbit: You evil person, to wish such a thing on me . Thanks for the heads up on that first phrase; you're right and it's an easy fix. How about...Saws and hammers sound around the clock, around the calendar. Glad you liked my dove snippet.

Hi Larry: *blush* You and Eric and Howard were very generous in whacking me into whatever shape I'm in now. But I have to say Andrea is the best whacker, heh.


April 19


They spent two decades caulking
the cracks to keep them together
in the ebb and return of her lupus,
but he lost her in the rip of meningitis.
He built an alcove for her ashes
in the wall of their family room. Her loss
acted on him as a tonic;
he slimmed a bit and reversed
his diabetes, finished long-planned
projects: a driveway and siding
for the house. All the time
spent slipping on the wet rocks
of her disease had exhausted him;
though grieved, he seems relieved
to have found dry footing.

Painted the weathered boards of his house
graded the eroded driveway

[Martha.A.]

HI ADK,


Your latest really caught my attention. Striking portrayal of the effects of being a care-taker for someone with a chronic illenss.

Here's the heart and strength of the poem to build on:

All the time spent slipping
on the wet rocks of her disease
exhausted him; though grieved,
he's relieved to be out of the water.

definitely a keeper,

Martha

[Robtm]

I agree with Martha, a really competent little poem.

And a new word "lupus".

Good work.

Rob

[michaels0620]

ADK,

As someone going through something not all that different from the neighbor's husband in your last poem, I can say the "slipping on rocks" bit is quite nice and rang true to me. My only quibble was that "he's relieved to be out of the water" sounded too close to "he's relieved to be out of hot water" which while true casts the husband in a more negative light.

Nice job.

Michael

[cookala]

Hiya, ADK. I enjoyed your 2-fer - sometimes the little sips are just as satisfying as the big gulps, and these proved to be so. I think the 4/19 poem has a lot of promise - definitely a keeper. Gee, just think, you're going to have so much workshop material come out of this Napo to keep you busy you may not write another new poem until next Napo! 11 days to go...

[ADK]

Hi Martha.A. and Robm: Thank you for the kind words.

Hi michaels0620: Boy, I didn't anticipate that reading. Not what I intended at all. I'll have to take that into account in revision. Thanks for the input.

Hi cookie: Did that satisfy the muse challenge? Was there a muse challenge? I'm happy you found the two-fers interesting. Only 10 days to go. Thank god.

April20

Some poets juxtapose
images to cant the mirror,
show you a thing in a new place.
One day I arrived home,
looked up at big ducks
with distinct pink feet
perched in my pecans,
and continued towards the house
while reptile synapses fired
frantically at my forebrain:
Stop. Look Again.
Nature jarred my steady-state
with Mexican Tree Ducks.