June Cycle

[HowardM2]

Some of the bits and pieces of both of these are interesting, but it's a lttle tricky to know how to say much about either of them at this stage.

"We have a fat cow
pastured in the north.
We have named her ocean."

Certainly the most inventive part of the second piece and the one with the most potential. I assume we'll see as the sequence progresses.

[Pearl]

# 2 interesting; the last stanza particularly inventive, original.

In such a short piece, the repetition of the --we- is a bit heavy: I'd try to change the pattern.
Then I think this lacks a close, a something that shows us why defenses.

A piece I'd work on because worth.

Paula

[Cy]

The Scout,


having crossed the mountains unobserved,
kneels and drinks
from the hand of a stream.
The stream takes his hand

and leads him
into a landscape of tall, spare trees
rising from the earth
like balloons.

He follows a road
the slope has cut for him.

From the horizon
the moon watches.
His head is centred
in its cross-hairs.

[MEHope]

I like to see something more organic than like balloons, it breaks the mood while the other images were nice to encounter.

I agree with Howard on number 2.

Looking forward to more.

[Cher]

Hi Cy, Re: The Scout

Just one afterthought about Defences : theword bucket, as with the already mentioned balloons in The Scout.

I like drinks from the hand of a stream. I immediately thought of Otzi reading this though crosshairs (although the moon’s) places the scout much later, in fact much later than events in the previous poems… ?

Looking forward to the next episode,

Cher

[Dunc]

Yo Cy

Enjoyed The Scout and S4's image is strikingly visual and precise - excellent. Good stuff.

Regards / Dunc

[NicS]

Great read, Cy -- still enjoying! Love the title leading into S1. Keep them coming.

[Cy]

Thanks to all who are putting up with the randomness of this 'cycle' in progress. I'll be putting an index into my first post which will put the pieces into sequence, and will also indicate gaps in the narrative which need to be filled in. In the time being, be informed that the next piece is at least one poem ahead of 'The Scout'. Also, its pretty damn rough in execution; I'm trying to study for an exam on Thursday, so only about ten minutes, over breakfast, went into its writing.

[Cy]

When the decison is made


some bring tubs of feathers,
some pots of glue,
some metal plates like scales.

They transform their houses.

Doors become wings,
or gills,
balconies become fins,
or beaks,
and the people,
they are
lampreys?
Ticks?
Roe?

A bird is carried
by ants
to the river

The whole town
swims downstream
like a fish.

[NicS]

Hey Cy: OK, so they're giving up and migrating. You've still got me. This better not end in tears!

[Cher]

Hi Cy, being prone to cycle “randomness” myself, I totally understand; )

I like tubs of feathers, do you mean lampreys? What an imagination you have!

Cher

[Cy]

One scout,


descending the neck of the valley,
becomes two scouts.
They look at each other and shake hands.

Two scouts, coming through the dry grass
become four scouts. They cook
a small pig over a brushwood fire.
Before it dies, the pig
speaks to them.
Four scouts become a hundred.

A hundred scouts come, at last
to the end of the city. Houses
have been quietly packed away,
gardens wrapped
in a brown paper of trees.
The scouts walk for a while
like fingers through the spaces.

Then begin to howl, like dogs,
calling their people home.

[Cy]

It may just be that the cold down here is effecting my brain, but I think this cycle is starting to come together, putting aside the roughness of the execution.

Thanks Student, Cher - especially for pointing out that spelling mistake.

I'm serious about that cold though. Had a weird dream today in which I was reading a book of strange, avant-garde poetry, the only line I recall being:

Canadian literature consists solely of topographical maps.

Go figure.

[NicS]

Hi Cy: Your index gives a welcome glimmering of clarity. You still have me! I'm liking the stick-figure-cartoon diction a lot.

[NicS]

Anybody out there? Where's the rest of the story, Cy!? You can't leave us hanging like this! Looks like you're stuck doing JulyPo... (No pressure, heh).