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Thread: Salli's Little Shop of Horrors Thread

  1. 04-01-2007, 03:41 AM #31
    Scotty is offline Soon...
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    Great start, Salli.

    At the moment, I'm wondering what the 'seven' is all about; given the other religious references, I keep thinking the seven deadly sins, but I'll have to read it again to be sure.

    Only 29 to go, eh? *grin*
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  2. 04-01-2007, 03:56 AM #32
    NicS is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Lovely beginning, Salli -- the scales and the eyelids are my favorite bits. Keep 'em coming!

    Nic
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  3. 04-01-2007, 05:03 AM #33
    avalanche is offline painted with...fists and elbows
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    Sounds like someone I know..eeek.

    Second verse needs a bit of fiddling - but the rest of sound.
    wrings his feet
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  4. 04-01-2007, 05:19 AM #34
    M is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    "gawp" was an awesome word. S1 & S3 were my favorite, I'm wondering about the 7 in S4 as well, but I'll have to keep reading. Lovely start.


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  5. 04-01-2007, 05:23 AM #35
    Salli Shepherd is offline totally a unicorn
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    Thanks, Carol, and you're right about the 'and' bits.

    Scotty, Michelle, the 'seven' is the hydra's heads. Cut one off, two grow in its place, etc. Thanks!

    Avalanche, yup, it sure does! lol. Thankyou.

    And thanks, Nic, much appreciated, and I will!
    Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds. - Douglas Adams
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  6. 04-01-2007, 05:30 AM #36
    glaucon is offline furcifer
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    Hi, Sal!

    This is a marvelous start, a real feast of sounds and rhythms. The last strophe, in particular, is a great pleasure to read out loud. Allow me the honor of reposting it:

    Seven faces gawp and splutter,
    spout the lies of former days,
    cannot agree and fight and bite
    each other's noses off, for spite.

    It makes the lips and tongue tingle.

    -Charles
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  7. 04-01-2007, 05:42 AM #37
    Scotty is offline Soon...
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    D'oh!

    See? I'm burned out already. Where's my glasses, no wait, where's my damn brain...

    Hehe
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  8. 04-01-2007, 06:35 AM #38
    Dunc is offline but say it is my humour
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    Hi Sal

    Strong vivid portrayal of self-loathing - an intense and powerful start to April indeed.

    Wow! / Dunc
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  9. 04-01-2007, 07:14 AM #39
    binkrozby is offline Banned
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    Well Salli,
    I won't pretend to comprehend the subtleties but I can sure as shit sense that they're there. Very good writing, internals and outs. Very feminine and I don't mean girly. A keeper, I think. Good start!
    Bink
    PS And not a cat in the wrap!
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  10. 04-01-2007, 09:59 AM #40
    ADK is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Hi Salli,
    A very strong beginning. I'll be visiting regularly, I'm sure.
    ADK
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  11. 04-01-2007, 11:21 AM #41
    Colton is offline Banned
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    Hey Salli,

    Sorry to repeat everyone else, but great start! I was instantly intrigued by the personification of this mythical creature.
    I felt a little rushed from the judgmental perspective of the first and second strophes, to the softer, more explanatory narration of the last two. Even out, or further fervent the voice telling us about this character and I think you’ll have a nice posit for the Hydra.

    Take care,
    Colton
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  12. 04-01-2007, 01:50 PM #42
    AngelaVirginia is offline not a team player
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    Hi Salli! Wow - I could read each of your poems a million times; I love what you do with language, and this is wonderful. "twinge twinge the guilt begins" will stay in my head all day.

    Angie
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  13. 04-01-2007, 02:22 PM #43
    Salli Shepherd is offline totally a unicorn
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    Glaucon, glad you liked it. I'm all about the tingle.

    Scotty, it's forgivable, entirely. It's NaPo, we're all a little odd.

    Dunc, interesting take on it, and I'm glad you saw N reflected.

    Bink, I fear I shall disappoint you, soon, as far as kitty-capers go. I hope it's horrid enough to make up for the affront, though.

    ADK, I hope you do. I'll be sure to hover over your page daily!

    Colton, I see what you mean. Glad you're about!

    Angela, gosh. Thankyou. I was hoping someone would like that line as much as I did.

    Yay, and thanks everyone. I can hardly wait for tomorrow!
    Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds. - Douglas Adams
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  14. 04-01-2007, 11:52 PM #44
    Cheryl Eliza is offline writes in pyjamas
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    Salli, that was fantastic. I really look forward to the other 29. I haven't fathomed it all out yet, but I am sur ethere is plenty to fathom. I particularly liked the seven faces and the scales.
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  15. 04-02-2007, 03:29 AM #45
    Salli Shepherd is offline totally a unicorn
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    Thanks for stopping by, Cheryl! Glad you enjoyed it.
    Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds. - Douglas Adams
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