Mike’s Little Corner of Temerity

[AngelaVirginia]

I run with the dogs
down paths known to the unborn--
to scratch an unknown itch

Hmmm.
I don't know where to go with this one. Sex? Visiting a tombstone?
You and Corvus and the crazy cryptic 'kus.
Forgive me.

Angie
word-dizzied

[Donner]

Hi, Mike,

Re: Blame Game--Yikes, I'm staying out of your way. Heh.

I'm thinking of two slight changes might speed up the pace of the poem:

I do not want to blame you, -- comma, comma, who's got a comma
I simply have to. I've got to -- "I've", not "I have" sounded better to my ear. Like the line break there, by the way.

blame someone. You did it,
not me. -- I don't think you need to state the obvious, that the N thinks it's all her fault, not his. Jump directly to the selfish conclusion.

But that's just me. Good work so far.

Donner

[Mike Lane]

Good morning ysl, Angie and Donner,


really appreciate the input. I have copy/pasted the very helpful suggestions you have given me into the poem documents for the coming months of review.

Thanks muchly!!


Boy, this is starting to feel like I am on a treadmill at the Doctor's office and the incline keeps getting steeper and steeper. What have I gotten myself into?

[Salli Shepherd]

Hey Mike,

You know, the more I read 5-part Harmony, the more I have to read it. It's a bit like kettle-chips.

I love the first strophe of Trumpets- 'and the awful truth'. The rest is pretty neat, as well, but nice opening. 'Blame Game' is sufficiently twisted to make me smile. Love the image of the guy. Your Schmaiku is wonderful, I did smirk, a lot (yes, more).

Thanks for the reads, and re-reads.

- Sal

[Mike Lane]

Sal you are so kind in these trying times of need.
Well, you're always kind - now that I think of it.

Thanks again.

[Mike Lane]

Haiku-Schmiku (B)
(not quite Haikus)

Sun sits in birdbath
wrapped in a shawl of clouds--
no room for the wrens

[AngelaVirginia]

Sun sits in birdbath
wrapped in a shawl of clouds--
no room for the wrens

I love seeing the sun plopped in a birdbath, with a "shawl of clouds," no less. Very nice!

Angie
*whew* I understood this one, thanks

[Dave Rowley]

Hi Mike,

Great thread happening here,

I love Five Part Harmony -- Can't think of a better way to start than with a
'featheredged gale trumpeted forth'!

Blame is wonderfully twisted and I like the freshness of your haiku-shmaiku


I run with the dogs
down paths known to the unborn--
to scratch an unknown itch

is actually kinda brilliant.

No need for temerity Sir, more of this and other goodies please,

cheers,

Dave

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

I am in agreement with many of the others who lauded the "trumpets" and the "lawyer-priest".

The Haiku also intrigue me, because it is interesting to see what someone will make of so compact a form.

You have seemed, so far, to have packed some interesting things in there.

Keep it up.

BrianIs AtYou

[Mike Lane]

Good morning Angie, Dave and Brian,

thanks so much for letting me know what's working here. I am hoping that if I can get 4 of these 30 or so entries to work on any level - that I will have accomplished what I set out to do and that I'll have a couple of months of fun ahead of me revising them.

Thanks again all!

Good luck to you.

[eleanorTipton]

Ooh! I like the story unfolding here. the image is vivid without saying too much.

3.
Blame Game

I’m coming after you
like a lawyer-priest in a black robe

and patent leather jackboots. My hand
waving wildly at you, thick as a paperback bible.

I do not want to blame you
I simply have to. I have got to

blame someone. Can’t stand to think
I’m responsible for this mess,

You did it, not me.

[Mike Lane]

Hi eleanor,

thanks much for taking a look.

Onward!!

[Mike Lane]

5.
The Winnebago Run-away

My spring time traveling companion
appeared suddenly on the shoulder
of the road. A sultry sylph,
she has banana grabbing monkey feet
with toes that are five inches long.
She wears battery operated
thermal socks that look like gloves
to help keep her feet-hands warm.

I envy her billboard art lifestyle
with it’s carefully crafted landscapes,
unmailed vacation postcards full of passion
and TV taboos. This is not a movie
or an encyclopedic view of life. She’s isn’t afraid
to get in the way of the view. Oh she was made
for laying down on the silk in my Winnebago,
as her feet grab my ankles--she’s locked in
on the cutting edge of this cliff.


(boy is the ending more than a bit wobbly)

[Mike Lane]

6.
E-mails From the Wasteland.

From Nick;

Tuesdays are so co co cool.
I love Tuesdays... no wait,
they suck just as much as Mondays,
unless there are two unsuspecting female janitors
sitting in your office, right legs bent
underneath them, crotches perched
indiscreetly on the large protruding heel
of their steel-toed work boot--
slowly rocking -- back and forth,
back and forth.
Ah yea, Tuesdays are so cool sometimes.



From Mike;

Can I get a job at your place?
There isn’t any spelling involved is there?
You programmers all talk in mathematical codes,
no beginning, no end, no nouns or verbs
or adjectives that blend. Right?
I could work for the two lesbo janitors,
cleaning the heels of their work boots
or something. Send them dykes over here
to me, I’ll teach them something
they will never remember.
Dykes rock! Back and forth
back and forth.



From Nick

you, my friend, are a crazy lunatic. It is a full moon, it has
to be, the madness is coming out. I will send the janitors to you,
you will teach them something they will never remember.

[David Mascellani]

An intriguing thread. Some fine images and word play. I like it. Thanks
David