Thank you, asymptote. Not meant to be too sad. Just a little girl growing up. I miss so much the giggly, tickly days, though we still have them at times.
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Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Thank you, asymptote. Not meant to be too sad. Just a little girl growing up. I miss so much the giggly, tickly days, though we still have them at times.
Seven Studies
"the lungs' surprised voice"
says a lot.
.
genesis is marvelous. S.1 is sweet. S.2 L.1 is awkward, almost ugly, but appealingly so. It seems to do its stuff and ease into the following line, magic.
- - -
The Palm Tree poem is my second favorite of this week's Paca-selections. Tuesday is vastly preferable to Wednesday. I ask myself what other word-form has a silent "d" like Wednesday does, and all I think of is maybe toad-fu. The main reason, though, is Wednesday is hump-day, and Tuesday’s head is just not into it, not this early, still, in the week. Whatever the title, I very much liked the stance of the poem. The N. assumes equality with the tree, respects the tree, recall’s the pine tree. I take this as an allegory for an equanimical relationship with the cosmos– open, responsive, non-prejudgemental. It a very nice statement.
T
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Thank you so much, Jee and Ted. I feel that I haven't returned comments as much I would have liked to, though I have been reading. I will comment more on the next go-around. Really appreciate everyone's feedback.
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
pacabel, Remember, Dad is a touching memory well told. I'm quite keen on the simplicity of it. The story shines through without being over-elaborate.
Genesis is sweet. For a scene like that you can't help but focus on the little details. S2 is strong with the emotional response to a traumatic but marvelous event.
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Hi, John, thank you, and my inspiration for my last poem was your second to last one.
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Depression
She smiles and glides through the air,
skirt flares, dances past her ankles.
She hides.
Each footfall
will crush the earth.
baby wonton killer
Fixed now, I hope.
Moderator
Because, if the poet isn’t careful, meaning has a way of too insistently shouldering its way in, so that we readers then have the meaning but miss the experience.
Christopher Ricks, Introduction to Austin Clarke’s Collected Poems
gurning in the widening gyre
Hello pacabel,
I like this a lot. I enjoyed the sonics: the air/flared rhyme, the assonance of dances, past and ankles. The pairing of she smiles / she hides works well too, not to mention the opposition of air and earth, and of gliding and crushing. A very well constructed short poem.
I look forward to the rest of your Sevens.
All the best,
Matt
Redesigned
Wow, that packs a lot into a short poem and is nicely constructed. Excellent start.
Resigned
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Nice. Tidy and clean. *cracks the whip* onwards!
I really liked "Glass" and "Waiting for Results," FWIW. Medical poetry is sort of one of my things. Very nice indeed.
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Thank you, Matt, Neil and pepperedmoth. I'll still be thinking about this one for awhile, but so far:
Flight
She has grown saucer breasts,
black hairs stubble her armpits.
Thick legs have slimmed to blades
of grass, her eyes glint silver
as she flies up the stairs
she just learned to climb.
Redesigned
Sounds like a journey through hell or puberty. Another short poem - not up there with No1 for me but I'm enjoying the thread so far!
Resigned
gurning in the widening gyre
I think is a poem about a daughter reaching puberty, and her mother reflecting on quickly time has passed. Another nice short sketch of a poem. Keep them coming!
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Thank you, my loyal readers! My muse is still snoozing from her looooong post NaPo nap so I'm on my own today:
Storm
Distant rainfall, a gray curtain
we play behind, faces hidden
by umbrellas and bowed heads.
Thunder applauds and lightning sings.
Last edited by kristalynn; 06-12-2013 at 01:43 AM.
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