Explorations of Twenty Thirteen

[kamala]

Sorry I've not got round to your thread before now! But there's so much to read and absorb in these, I'm not sure I can do them justice. Will definitely have to come back and read again.

For now, I'm intrigued by the mention of other versions of the Egotist - it's definitely got something worthwhile but I'm curious how about how it's changing.
Enjoyed most of S3 of the last one, though it's one of those I'll have to ponder awhile.

Thanks for the reads,
K.

[RobynD]

Kamala, 5th, and W.G., thanks for stopping by! I appreciate the encouragement.


Homeschool Life


My daughter wrote an analysis of Dylan Thomas'
The Hand that Signed a Paper and Felled a City.
The children reenacted Judges 6- Gideon destroying
his Father's altar of Baal and cutting down the timber around
the altar to burn the biggest animal his father owned.
My other daughter and I fell in love with the disinherited knight
as he refused the spoils he'd won in tournament against Brian de Bois Gilbert
and the others.
My son and I listened with Rat and Mole to the Piper
and we wished to hand the memory back to them,
tell them it wasn't a dream, we hear the notes inside ourselves.

[Daedalus]

Hi Robyn,

Egotist's Bones ​is a pretty ghastly tale if I'm reading it right. I like the detail but some of the verbs seem to be pretty flat to me.

What Work Is contains some lovely lines, I especially like the funeral icing and the exhaust that stays and stay.

Homeschool Life is interesting, and the ending is especially lovely. I recently met someone who was homeschooled (actually I think she's the first homeschooled person I've ever met) and I'm excited to ask her about the experience. She says she adamant that she will homeschool her own children. It's an interesting choice for sure.

Thanks for the reads.

[kristalynn]

Nice closing lines in this one.

[5th column]

Homeschool Life is interesting. I'm less taken with the first two strophes but love the close and I guess that's what Sevens is all about. Finding the Jewels in the forced daily output.

[W.G.McLeod]

I least from my perspective, part of the alure of homeschooling is that the learning is more organic - intimately developed between the student, their exposure to the world and the knowledge that makes. I think in that way, that is why the last strophe works best because that developement is a bit better fleshed out.

It's is hinted at with the daughter (and mother) who fell in love with Desdichado but that seems a bit to almost too cliche an image to work well here. She's not falling in love with her education really just, I don't know, being her age maybe. That's not bad either, it just doesn't draw me in as well.

The juges reenactment, especially I think, could become somehting special if there were more hints to the behind-the-scene and/or nuts-and-bolts information about how this went about, it could draw the intimacy they are having with their education a bit more. For example with,

The children reenacted Judges 6- Gideon destroying
his Father's altar of Baal and cutting down the timber around
the altar to burn the biggest animal his father owned.

- I could possibly see the, yet constented, near destruction of your house and yard. That would be kind of interesting.

I really love the idea!

[RobynD]

Hello, all, thanks for dropping by! I like to write about my home life, and have written a couple successful homeschooling life poems, but not this one. I was tired last night, but you all are kind for the encouragement!



Hmm, a sex poem that I want to be a love poem, but maybe it's just weird, not sure. It's rushed- pizza night for the kids, night off for my husband and I.



No Hickey Lips Today


What was that, those suck-schlurp sounds
texture smooth, texture bumpy tongue fascination dance?
My breasts aching heavy red flushed
tight all the sex strings pulled taunt,
jumping out at your hands and entangling
your fingers and playing them upon my nipples,
tighter tighter.

The taste of your penis is still in my mouth,
I sucked some of the blue-veined texture out of you
and it's just here, under my tongue.

This morning nothing's visible
on my face- we touch passing in the hall
and the love that grew warms the house
and smooths out the children,
I am smooth as vanilla pudding
and they like me better this way.

[JFN]

Robyn,

Good to see you're working on Egostist. Firstly, I think the linebreaks are an improvement. There are a couple of niggles (I know it's Sevens but figured I might as well).

In S1, as far as I can tell it should be the keys that click, not the fingers. I imagine fingers are more likely to tap.

It feels like you're using too many hyphens in S2. I don't know why, but I found it distracting. The end of this S is improved, but I'd consider losing the second away, and almost I feels inverted.

I like the end and the pebbles. Keep working on this one. It will be worth it.


Homeschooled Life has an interesting collection of topics within it. Sounds like N I'd enjoying learning as much as the children are.

This last one is a little crass for my taste, but that's just me. The last strophe is where the poem is for me. With the right title this would stand alone for me.

John

[Sorella]

Robyn,
Still doing the sexy poems I see. I remember some of those from way back. The Work and Egotist both have creative imagery, what you always do so well.

Sorella

[Daedalus]

Hi Robyn, this one is a little disturbing at times, especially S2! I loved S3, especially the love warming the house, and the ending.

[RobynD]

Daedalus, Sorella, John, thankyou all for stopping by! Good to hear your thoughts on that last piece.


Foreign Objects

She breathes in the mixed blend of pine and weed,
closes the lid of the box, holds the smell and taste
in her lungs for a few seconds and opens
the lid for another sip.
Upstairs under the skylights of the loft Dad's marijuana
is green, and she's not allowed up. She sneaks sips
from the pinewood box
whenever she's alone.

She takes a hundred dollar bill from his wallet,
curls it into a tight tube and runs the crisp paper
under her nose- so different from the dirty dollar smell.

Dad's garage is cluttered with shop shelves
and dirt bikes, wrenches and oil cans.
She spends the day there with him, hoping
the baked grease smell will soak
its way into her skin.

“Can I have another sip. Please, Dad?”
Her nose curls as the beer bubbles
reach her nose and underlip, cheeks
pucker. She settles back into his lap
and he says “See, the guy in the white trunks
is tight, quick on his feet. Now, red trunks,
he lifts his arms like they're made of led-
he's tired- he looks like he doesn't care about winning
the fight, doesn't he, Bugaboo?” She punches
his beer belly and her hand sinks
a few inches before hitting muscle.

The August air is heavy
and her bags are packed- it's their last night
of beer and boxing.
They're staying up late together.

[5th column]

There are some nice images here and with a post Sevens prune could be even better

[Daedalus]

Hi Robyn, I feel like this last one ended a bit abruptly, but there are some nice moments in it. The garage scene is most evocative. Thanks for your poems this week.

[RobynD]

Thankyou Daedulus and 5th for reading and writing this week!

[RobynD]

I am tired, so I am building this poem on the Counting Crows song, Omaha, from their August and Everything After album. The last line is from that song. I think I've got the beginnings of a poem here.


She Takes This, Too

Driving with my daughter
and listening to the Counting Crows.
She may have a soul as old as Adam Duritz's,
but there are only fourteen years on her back
and so I turn up the volume to drown away her voice
as the old man threads his toes through a bucket of rain.