No one ever answers when I call

[Steven]

Hi Brian,

'This Old Story' was a captivating read for me. I love sports, and when I was younger I played cricket for my local village team. I think Baseball is one of those great 'tradition' sports like cricket with so much valuable culture attached to it. There's just so much nostalgia in those stadiums, jerseys and rituals.

I think you're poem gets that nostalgia across well, without becoming mawkish - it paints clear visuals, and it has a clear message. Thanks for taking the time to pass on such a substantial poem to sit and enjoy.

[Steven]

Hi Brian,

'This Old Story' was a captivating read for me. I love sports, and when I was younger I played cricket for my local village team. I think Baseball is one of those great 'tradition' sports like cricket with so much valuable culture attached to it. There's just so much nostalgia in those stadiums, jerseys and rituals.

I think your poem gets that nostalgia across well - it paints clear visuals, and it has a clear message. Thanks for taking the time to pass on such a substantial poem to sit and enjoy.

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

The April 2 poem, even without the access to external references, the poem is one of the most intimate conveyance of a relationship I've ever read, prose or poetry and is exemplary of uncanny craftsmanship. Great job!

Thanks, casket. My connection to my Dad was strong, even when we disagreed, or when things became difficult. There was a lot of personal investment in that poem, and I could easily mine my relationship with my father for many more poems. Due to my closeness to the subject matter, it seems that I can see the poem's flaws more readily than others, but that is my own burden to bear.

So much to enjoy here, Brian, but This Old Story with its detail and moral really grabbed me! Glad you got your spectacles, and a lesson in truth despite all.

Sorella

Thanks, Sorella. That story is not something that I had put to poetry before, as far as I can recall (though I think I had made abortive attempts in the past). It is a story that I have told a number of times about my father, as an example of his unfaltering dedication to honesty in the days before his illness brought him down.

Hi Brian,

'This Old Story' was a captivating read for me. I love sports, and when I was younger I played cricket for my local village team. I think Baseball is one of those great 'tradition' sports like cricket with so much valuable culture attached to it. There's just so much nostalgia in those stadiums, jerseys and rituals.

I think your poem gets that nostalgia across well - it paints clear visuals, and it has a clear message. Thanks for taking the time to pass on such a substantial poem to sit and enjoy.

Thanks, Steven. Baseball is often cited as a game of strong traditions. My brother has been exploring those traditions with some recent academic talks on the Brooklyn Dodgers and Jackie Robinson, which is about as iconic as it gets. I wrote about that a bit last year, with "Brooklyn, Grandpa, and 67 Years of Jackie Robinson" and you liked that one as well (something that I remembered, and appreciated), so I may have found the perfect poetic approach to reach you, and those like you, who have an affinity for sports' themes.

With regard to cricket, I must say that I've never played cricket, although there are a number of cricket clubs not far from me, including one up in Chestnut Hill, in northwest Philadelphia.

BrianIs AtYou

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Seven Simian Stanzas plus One More

A dozen gorillas were starting to chill—
they laid in their bowers so cool.
They snacked on bananas till they had their fill,
then swam in the spring-water pool.

Ten lonely lemurs were lost in the scene—
they're so hard to find in the wild.
But that's not so bad for them—if they were seen
the poachers would take every child.

Nine spider monkeys thought life could be funky.
They jammed and they hooted for fun.
They swing in the trees in the mild jungle breeze,
and hide from the furious sun.

Seven baboons were salaciously mooning—
not shamed by their simian butt.
The lady baboons and their beaus soon were swooning,
and some of them started to strut.

Six gibbous gibbons are quick on their feet.
yet quicker by far with their hands.
They like the cool shadows to hide from the heat,
so far from the hot desert sands.

Five old orangutans swing on a limb,
aware of the dare that implies.
They swing quite a lot, but they’re happy to swim,
escaping those bold stinging flies.

Three chimpanzees were shrieking with glee.
They couldn't contain their bold laughter.
A scientist sampled their poop and their pee:
oh, what was that naked ape after?

A man sits and snacks as he waits by the phone;
he fills up his time by watching TV.
He feels so uneasy; he feels so alone—
but “Animal Planet” fills him with glee.

-------------------

BrianIs AtYou

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Broken

Mother cannot sleep—
laments her broken body—
Are my sins great, Lord?

-------------------------

BrianIs AtYou

[Tony Hoffman]

Brian,
A great combination of serious and humorous work here, at times rolled into one. My favorites so far: Selfie with Dad, and Anne Frank in Hollywood. Rooting for you, but I'll leave your root canal alone.
Tony

[Julie]

Oh, Brian. The Anne Frank poem is so good. And as someone said upthread, coming after "Selfie" made it all the more gutwrenching.

[cookala]

hiya Brian ! to answer your ? re:anne Frank - yep. kinda sorta made that connection but I took the tone of unfulfilled ambition as the prominent conceit, hence the comment re:hollywood hopefuls.
Say What - me likes this - so true, too! and the nice rhyming throughout moves this along well.
This Old Story - this is a touching homage to both baseball and N's dad. it brought back my own memories of playing softball, so I identified with this a lot. (I was versatile- I not only pitched, I played 1st, SS, third and all the fields. and I could hit, I was known for line drives and homers. (yep. you could say I was respected!)
Seven Simian Stanzas plus One More - such rollicking fun in the jungle! enjoyed, and I like the way the final strophe brings it back to reality. good stuffs!
Broken - nice ku. there's a lot to be said for kus. we psawh them as cop outs, we think they're easy but they really aren't, are they? deceptive little things.

[Donner]

Hi, Brian,

More monkeys! More business! More monkey business! (It's NaPo, I apologize.)

I've found that NaPo (and 7/7s) is a time when I tend to write about family relationships because they're sitting ducks, because it's the subject we know best and because it helps us sort through it all and chronicle our story. (I just gave my daughter the vase her great grandmother had painted along with the poem I'd written about it, how my grandfather refused to allow her to paint again after they were married.) I think when we work on a personal poem, we both dread and delve into the process because it's full of ghosts and memories that we want to get right, but prepare ourselves to be let down. But when we get a personal poem just right, they are the most rewarding and freeing. That's why I think you were more pleased with Selfie with Dad than you expected to be. It's beautiful and just right.

Your rhymes are impeccable as always.

Donner

[Andrea345]

Anne Frank in Hollywood just blew me away. "Journalistic whims"... I particularly enjoyed how the end rounded back to referencing the real. Tres kewl

[vmh]

Hi Brian: Quite the start on your first poem, though I'm wondering how poetry is like pulling teeth!

I like how you play with time in Selfie with Dad. naked body like a crystal chalice, is beautiful. And despite its length, you keep it moving with both images and interest. The photo is lovely! Who says a selfie can't weigh a fortune?

Poultricide (Poultry Side) brought a smile to my face. You earned your name on this one. Did we ever have a chicken writing poem challenge in Napo, we did right?

but, somehow, no one can take their eyes off her.
Always the optimist, she wonders how her life could be different;
she wonders if she could exist in a better world—
she writes these secret thoughts in her diary,

I like where you took her, and in such a different turn to her story. What you don't know? I like alternative world stories, especially for those that deserve it.

In say What? you handle the rhyme effortlessly. The casualness of the rhyme really is its strength.

In This Old Story, you make it new. Retellings can be strong when dealt with well. You achieved this. You are also a master of the longer poem, something I wish I could do. You keep the story moving, in interesting ways.

Case in point, Seven Simian Stanzas plus One More. Humour, fun and amazingly accurate facts used here. Party with the simians! AKA Napo time!

Vicky

[UnkleBob]

Brian,

I really like the idea of "Anne Frank in Hollywood". I will admit that I am a huge fan of alternate histories - I have written a few (never very successfully) but it is one of my favorite conceits. (If you have never seen the Confederate States of American, I think would recommend watching it.) I hope you work on the poem after Napo, because I really find it interesting. Currently, I am not very satisfied with the last four lines, as I think they swing for a gut punch and end up undercutting the emotion (being built by our knowledge of what happened to Anne Frank) built earlier in the poem. Nevertheless, I really think it is a great idea.

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Brian,
A great combination of serious and humorous work here, at times rolled into one. My favorites so far: Selfie with Dad, and Anne Frank in Hollywood. Rooting for you, but I'll leave your root canal alone.
Tony

Thanks Tony. I usually try to mix it up, unless I am following a theme that requires consistency one way of the other. I am happy with Selfie and Anne as early drafts, but I can see obvious places for improvement.

Oh, Brian. The Anne Frank poem is so good. And as someone said upthread, coming after "Selfie" made it all the more gutwrenching.

Thanks Julie. I had hoped to do the Anne Frank idea justice.

hiya Brian ! to answer your ? re:anne Frank - yep. kinda sorta made that connection but I took the tone of unfulfilled ambition as the prominent conceit, hence the comment re:hollywood hopefuls.
Say What - me likes this - so true, too! and the nice rhyming throughout moves this along well.
This Old Story - this is a touching homage to both baseball and N's dad. it brought back my own memories of playing softball, so I identified with this a lot. (I was versatile- I not only pitched, I played 1st, SS, third and all the fields. and I could hit, I was known for line drives and homers. (yep. you could say I was respected!)
Seven Simian Stanzas plus One More - such rollicking fun in the jungle! enjoyed, and I like the way the final strophe brings it back to reality. good stuffs!
Broken - nice ku. there's a lot to be said for kus. we psawh them as cop outs, we think they're easy but they really aren't, are they? deceptive little things.

Thanks, cookala. Interesting take on Anne. It is inevitable that different readers will take different things from a poem, and that could be viewed as a strength.

Similarly, I like how you interpret the Simian poem. The change to use "Animal Planet" at the end (with the possible interpretation of the earlier stanzas as things seen on "Animal Planet") arose from that change. My original intention was that all the stanzas were "real" (whatever that means) and that the "highest" primate (man) was the one least connected to reality, the least happy in his (self-created) ecological niche. I see that the change I made to include "Animal Planet" at the end allows for a different interpretation.

Hi, Brian,

More monkeys! More business! More monkey business! (It's NaPo, I apologize.)

I've found that NaPo (and 7/7s) is a time when I tend to write about family relationships because they're sitting ducks, because it's the subject we know best and because it helps us sort through it all and chronicle our story. (I just gave my daughter the vase her great grandmother had painted along with the poem I'd written about it, how my grandfather refused to allow her to paint again after they were married.) I think when we work on a personal poem, we both dread and delve into the process because it's full of ghosts and memories that we want to get right, but prepare ourselves to be let down. But when we get a personal poem just right, they are the most rewarding and freeing. That's why I think you were more pleased with Selfie with Dad than you expected to be. It's beautiful and just right.

Your rhymes are impeccable as always.

Donner

Thanks for the thoughts on writing about family. I did a LOT of that last year. I see "Selfie" as the descendent of the some of the longer works from last years NaPo, particularly Surface Tension and Jokester in terms of subject and theme, and We Have Not Poked Our Eyes with Sticks, Making Do (Part 1) and Media Icons for the narrative strategy and approach to handling the stanzas.

I do the ballad-like rhymes because it's fun, and it comes easy to me, and because having some of those on hand when I do an open mic or reading is good to wake up the audience.

Anne Frank in Hollywood just blew me away. "Journalistic whims"... I particularly enjoyed how the end rounded back to referencing the real. Tres kewl

Thanks, Andrea. I think Anne is good for an early draft. I wonder if some of the ideas that I cast away could be revisited, though.

Hi Brian: Quite the start on your first poem, though I'm wondering how poetry is like pulling teeth!

I like how you play with time in Selfie with Dad. naked body like a crystal chalice, is beautiful. And despite its length, you keep it moving with both images and interest. The photo is lovely! Who says a selfie can't weigh a fortune?

Poultricide (Poultry Side) brought a smile to my face. You earned your name on this one. Did we ever have a chicken writing poem challenge in Napo, we did right?

but, somehow, no one can take their eyes off her.
Always the optimist, she wonders how her life could be different;
she wonders if she could exist in a better world—
she writes these secret thoughts in her diary,

I like where you took her, and in such a different turn to her story. What you don't know? I like alternative world stories, especially for those that deserve it.

In say What? you handle the rhyme effortlessly. The casualness of the rhyme really is its strength.

In This Old Story, you make it new. Retellings can be strong when dealt with well. You achieved this. You are also a master of the longer poem, something I wish I could do. You keep the story moving, in interesting ways.

Case in point, Seven Simian Stanzas plus One More. Humour, fun and amazingly accurate facts used here. Party with the simians! AKA Napo time!

Vicky

Thanks, Vicky. Poetry can be like pulling teeth. Unfortunately for me, writing a poem a day is the easiest challenge I am currently facing.

I'm glad you noticed the way that I tried to "play with time in Selfie with Dad". This was to reflect one of the features of my father's conversational structure as the dementia overwhelmed him. Convolution of time, and a strange focus on certain time periods (such as 1971) were prominent in some of those conversations.

The "crystal chalice" line has been noted by others. Originally, I had had "sacred chalice", but that was the wrong choice (in my opinion, and for a number of reasons), so I changed "sacred" to "crystal", which I liked much more.

It took a couple of shots to get the Selfie to look the way that I wanted. It is the last picture I have of the two of us together.

Poultricide was fun and a challenge to write. I've usually tried to include a chicken poem every year, unless the theme I am using absolutely prohibits it.

The lines that you quote from Anne are critical to my intentions for the poem, but I can see some possible flaw there (e.g. "Always the optimist" is a bit of a cliche, and that phrase could end up being treated as a stub).

With "Say What?", I tried some metrical variations via substitution. I think that helps with the appeal of the rhyme and meter.

"This Old Story" was an experiment. I won't say what the experiment was, and I am not sure the experiment succeeded, but the story seems to have caught a few folks eye, which is all that I can ask for.

The Simian Stanzas were fun to write. The odd thing is that the idea started as a response to something someone posted on Facebook that was not even about Simians. Someone posted a cartoon of a man in a lecture hall at an academic conference of poets. On the white board or screen behind him, the word "orange" appears. The caption said something like "This is the problem, my fellow rhymesters." (Not exactly that, but you get the idea.)

Anyway, I saw that and went from "Orange" to "Orange Orangutan" and started throwing out ideas about Orangutans and then all the rest. "Orange" got removed in the latest draft.

Brian,

I really like the idea of "Anne Frank in Hollywood". I will admit that I am a huge fan of alternate histories - I have written a few (never very successfully) but it is one of my favorite conceits. (If you have never seen the Confederate States of American, I think would recommend watching it.) I hope you work on the poem after Napo, because I really find it interesting. Currently, I am not very satisfied with the last four lines, as I think they swing for a gut punch and end up undercutting the emotion (being built by our knowledge of what happened to Anne Frank) built earlier in the poem. Nevertheless, I really think it is a great idea.

Thanks, Unklebob. I like the idea of alternate histories as well. One of the questions that I have about the Anne poem is "How complete is the change in the alternate timeline" The line about the ship would seem to imply that WW2 still went on with all its horrors, and that Anne was fortunate to escape it. Another option is that the war never happens at all in this alternate timeline. One of the many things to think about when considering a revision.

Your view of the last four lines is interesting. As I noted in my response to Vicky above, some of the phrases could be viewed as stubs or placeholders, to express the idea that you wanted to convey, but not necessarily in the best way or with the best technique. In my original concept, I considered the final line (even the final two lines) absolutely essential, so it is interesting to hear an alternative view point. There might be a number of ways to approach the thematic idea that I was trying to convey without using those lines as they are.

Something to think about.

Thanks again, all.

BrianIs AtYou

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Your Tin Foil Hat

Your tin foil hat is a wonderful hat!—
a hat without a peer!
The mind-control rays of the alien greys
get stopped outside your ear.

The alien greys serve fetus sautés
with stir-fry and freshly cut brain—
but zombies compete for the best fresh-brain meat,
which drives the grey chefs insane.

The alien greys have twenty-six* ways
to bugger the truth—it’s true.
They cover their lies: “Try a side of fries!
I can super-size that, too!”

You’d best watch your back, for your tin foil hat
protects from the front and the side.
When they come for you, the best thing to do
is to cover your brain and hide!

**
*twenty-six ways: from Alien to Zombie, and everything in-between

--------------------------

BrianIs AtYou

PS

I'm hoping to catch up with the fluffing soon. My Mom had a fall a few days ago, and I have been tied down taking care of her.

[cookala]

heya Brian - yes! a tinfoil hat poem, finally! heh. love the fun of this. super-size indeed! enjoyed.