Larry Lies

[Arlene]

hullo, i like the rhythm of this, makes me think of Masefield poems; the second is less lyrical, scarier. Looking forward to more.

[HowardM2]

Good work here in these two pieces. What especially stood out for me was a particular phrase in each of them which seem to encapsulate an important element of each piece: "to discover what's after the after" in the first, and in the second the especially ominous "the lag between knowledge and ash." Nicely done.

[Scavella]

Really enjoyed "The Spokesman"; always enjoy contemporary riffs on ancient forms. My only comment though is that I think the first stanza sets the rhythm better than the others: the truncated quatrain works better for the subject matter than the straight ballad form that follows. I'd definitely keep working on the poem, adding an iamb to each of the second lines throughout so that the last line falls with a limp and unerscores the unease in the poem.

[Speug]

Good gloomy fun. Lots of great phrases in 'Daily News' - not sure whether S1 or S4 is my favourite.
Paul.

[Emilio]

Larry, this travel and crossover is intriguing, and this strophe which is particularly moving

No thanks to God
whose love was so mature
it always felt like pain.

I'm looking to reading how this all unfolds. Nicely worked,

Best,

[prokopton]

Wow, larry,
your iambic is working perfectly
and the sonics are perking too.

"to salvage a song from the Babel of birds
and to bolster the dull with belief."

cut "and' from the lines above though, it's spoiling the fun!

This is memorable from the News:

"our bright brothers, our cruel and perfect sons."

- great ending.
When I hear the news each day from halfway around the world from you I often forget I have friends that live in that pall. It must be very hard to wake up there wondering if the walls have come tumbling down, or have you lived with it so long that you are inured?

all the best,
Geoff

[larryrap]

Hi Geoff, those are good questions.
Emilio, hello. Don't expect things to actually unfold.
Paul, appreciated.
Scavella, glad to have your company.
Howard, always an honor.
Hello Arlene, nice compliment.
Eileen, you're a delight.
Annie, hearts back at you.

Here's one inspired by missing yesterday for lack of inspiration.

[larryrap]

3rd – Missing

He left with a crooked grin
I now understand as goodbye.

My sleep was fitful, segregated by dreams
of strange duties that resisted completion.

By midday worry had matured to fact.
I later discovered the husk of a moth

torn in his window,
a letter from the battered night.

I lay these words like trinkets at the mouth of a void,
filling nothing with nothing.

Now I can say
I loved him the most.

[prokopton]

You're definitely in the groove - notwithstanding the inspiration thing
-with just a few words you evoke depth and wonder:

"a letter from the battered night."

an image on which I muse.

G.

[Jee Leong]

Hey Larry, you are on a roll. The words are burnished, as if by fire. "The Spokesman" is nearly done, I think. Good to be reading you again.

[GreaterMandalaofUselessness]

Hi Larry,

The Spokesman: I enjoyed this anapaestic ballad form of the first with it's tragicomic feel. Some nice phrases "A spokesman is chained to his master by birth" and "discover what's after the after" and "salvage a song from the Babel of birds". S1L2 is tetrameter.

The Daily News -- some great lines here: "Our impending end is announced / masked as news" and "The lag between knowledge and ash / will be filled with the ordinary". Had me thinking global warming to begin with, and then maybe nuclear apocalypse with the deformed offspring, but probably neither. I didn't need to know in order to enjoy this.

Missing is oddly moving. The discovered husk of moth is a particularly effective image.

Great start Larry, I look forward to coming back and reading more.

best,

Matt

[Angela]

Larry,

In The Spokesman, you make writing with rhythm and meter look effortless.

This:

My job was to jingle the wind into words,
to render a fire in relief,
to salvage a song from the Babel of birds
and to bolster the dull with belief.

and this:

to discover what's after the after.

stood out for me.

In The daily news, these two lines are pretty meaty: The lag between knowledge and ash and our bright brothers, our cruel and perfect sons.

Missing is affective. The husk of moth and a letter from the battered night are stand outs here.

I enjoyed reading your work.

Angela~

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Love this strophe's sound, especially the first line. The rhythm, the alliteration on the stress.

"My job was to jingle the wind into words,
to render a fire in relief,
to salvage a song from the Babel of birds
and to bolster the dull with belief."

In the last line of this, I think that the rhythm would work better with "to" removed from before "bolster" without damaging the sense. Or you could remove "and" at the beginning as prokopton suggested, to achieve the same effect.


"The Daily News" is dark. (I could say that about the real daily news, and not just your poem, but the latter may be reflective of the former.)

"After the deformed come the horribly deformed" is not all roses and sunshine, but it encapsulates the theme of impending doom quite well.

The final lines are very strong. "our bright brothers, our cruel and perfect sons." I'd like to have written a lot of these lines.

"Missing" has a strong melancholy air. Many strong lines. The image of the "husk of a moth" seems to work well in the middle here.

BrianIs AtYou

[cookala]

heya L! Missing is an atmospheric melancholia. I lay these words like trinkets at the mouth of a void is striking, as is I later discovered the husk of a moth/ torn in his window,/ a letter from the battered night. nice work!

[Sorella]

Lies or Truths, Larry always writes the most elegant, meaningful and readable poetry. A pleasure to have your company during NaPo.

Sorella