UnkleBob's 2015 Napo Thread

[HowardM2]

There's some very nice work gathered here. Several particularly stood out for me: "Cull" -- a fine portrait, all the better for its brevity which itself communicates a great deal about the individual. "Pickled Oak" -- Intriguing because of the direction in which it moves after the beginning, not what would be expected but all the more effective for that reason. "No. 2 Dense" -- Good evocation of aging. I'll be back later to see what else has been added. Enjoyable work.

[UnkleBob]

Thanks Howard. I appreciate your thoughts on those three poems.

As any member of a travelling circus will tell you,
the hotter the weather, the worse the smell,
the smaller the clown car, the more aggressive
the lions, the elephants, the bearded lady,
and the people are louder, more full of air,
which is hot. Like the weather.

[UnkleBob]

Do you see a car, sir?
Some people swim.
Some people bike.
Some people
drive in vehicles of some
sort or another.
Some people jog or run.
Me, sir. I walk.

[UnkleBob]

The years away from Omaha had taken their toll on the palm reader. She had forgotten so much, confusing lines of the heart with lines of the head. Seeing her daughter on the steps of her old house, she instantly thought of a year in France where she had fallen madly in love with a magician. His best trick involved a simple, but beautiful sleight of hand, wherein he convinced the audience he could pull the thoughts out of their brain. It was a simple force trick, but she found it astounding. She had not thought of the magician for some time, and many of his features eluded her memory. She could not remember if his hair was brown with a blond streak or blond with a brown streak, for instance. She was sure she was confusing his smell with a poet she dated for some three months that next year. Becoming ever frustrated, she shook the memories from her mind and decided to focus on more tangible things like health lines or maybe wealth lines.

[Andrea345]

Good moments in "Wane." My particular favorite was the obvious moment in l2, which struck me as a light bulb going off with the simultaneous, "bah-duh." I felt like I was watching one of those ingenious devices "Made for TV," which does make a million, but is so obvious I should kick myself for not inventing it first.

[UnkleBob]

Thanks, Andrea. I appreciate you reading my poems.

For three days, we painted over everything in the house,
the old rocking chair, the old chester drawers, the old
patio furniture, the old coffee table your mother gave us.

When we were finished, we were covered in red, blue,
and orange off brand paint we had picked up on discount
from the going-out-of-business hardware store your uncle owned.

So you know, the rocking chair broke about two weeks ago.
The chester drawer creaks every time it is opened.
Everything is still covered in paint.

[UnkleBob]

A mixture of Drambuie
& bourbon. Kentucky bourbon,
or Tennessee whiskey.

Chocolate cake:
Frangelico & the cheapest
vodka one can find.

Straight tequila,
blue agave. No worm.
Maybe the worm.

Bailey's and butterscotch schnapps.
She says,
I thought you were a grown man.

[UnkleBob]

3500 BCE Macedonians invent
glass manufacturing. In 2011,
my wife tells me to move, my
daddy was not a Macedonian.

[Angela]

UnkleBob,

Just passing through for a peek and Self-Inflicted Paslode Nails caught my eye. (I actually know what those are, my husband has a gun.) This list has it's manly spots. I like the sweet treats mixed in. I laughed at the last line. I think this lumberjack is a big ole teddy bear. Fun stuff.

Angela~

[vmh]

She had left him in pickle jars-
sealed the lids tight and placed them
in the cupboard behind boxes and boxes of Ritz crackers.

so he had taken to the older woman
like a cut nail takes to soft wood,

embedding himself in every part of her being.

Hi UnkleBob: It took me too long to get here. This poem is excellent. Quoteworthy as noted, but also the tone. The first line is scary and horrible in the best meaning of the word. I'm picturing some face in a jar, in green pickle vinegar. So good.

Cull is sad. My heart goes out to her.

Pickled Oak has a nostalgic feel, with the past tense, which is almost like a character itself.

In 2 by 6 by 16 a topless bar and fish, not a typical combination. Works well.

"I like the treble in her voice." Nice touch to build characters, showing and not telling in #5 Rebar.

Great smooth rhymes in No. 2 Dense. Feels wonderful to read aloud. By the way, loving all these titles.

This ending

It was a beagle, they thought.
You should know.
You loved that dog.

kills it. The family falls down the lines, literally from one line to the next, and end there. So cutting with the accusatory tone.

Novelty siding is nice work. A prose poem needs to move around and around keeping ties between prior images and coming images, and still moving forward, and you do this well.

You achieve another excellent last line in Self Inflicted. And seriously strong list of things that will inflict.

You are doing great, only a few more days!!

Vicky

[Sorella]

Unkle,
Amazing how you keep up the building theme with such variation! And how I laughed and laughed at the drinking that led to Paslode Nails infliction and that super - dry wifely comment :-D

[Sorella]

In the evenings
before sunset
but just barely.

Hmmm, this under the title:

1-1/4 Coarse Drywall Screw

Is it just me, or...?

You rock!

[UnkleBob]

Thanks Sorella,VMH & Angela. I appreciate the reviews. Hopefully, I can do a little catching up.

"In the end, they shot him."
-from Grand Budapest Hotel

In the end,
they took the old yellow dog,
rabid with disease,
sick with fever,
and shot him twice.

Then, they took
the older dog,
and shot him
and buried him
beneath the red dirt.

That night,
father and mother
sat by the fireplace.
A short distance away,
a dog barked loudly.
Father grabbed his gun.

[UnkleBob]

A test of faith.
A fool's errand.

All was lost.
But at what price,
the tea in China

the weight of the world.

There we were-
two ships passing in the night,
crying over spilled milk.

God helps those
who help themselves.

[UnkleBob]

She lay in a pile
in the corner of the room.
He swept her into a dustpan,
emptied her in the front yard,
smoked a cigarette.
Watched the sunset.