a piece of twig

[Jee Leong]

wood shavings fly
from the workman’s drill
spring and fall

[Steven]

no smoking in the park
she tells her husband
beside the lenten rose


I like the deeper complexity of this.

L1 - rules, locale
L2 - relationships, death
L3 - mythology, witchcraft, superstition,

Each small addition somehow complicates the initial statement.

[Scrow]

Love the wordplay in 'wood shavings', and the way it makes me wonder about the image. All of these are magical in their own way, but that one makes me stop and want to make it my own in some way, by creating an owned, personal response to why the wood shavings are representative of the seasons in some way.

Lovely

Sarah

[MEHope]

Jee,

Being able to read these all in one sitting, having seen many elsewhere, is a pleasure. They are small stones, wonderful moments of ah! and imagery, fresh and new.
Truly, truly a pleasure.

Mary

[Jee Leong]

Thanks, Steven, Sarah and Mary. Your kind comments are much appreciated.



in the green pond
sunning turtles point the way
to mecca

[5th column]

Having decided to have a crack at the 30/30 in Haiku/Senryu I now appreciate just how easy they are! *relies on humour not always apparent at this stage in NaPo*

[casket N orbit]

I'm loving your poems. They have an immediacy that sneaks up on me before I can process thought and are at the same time nice reminders that I am more than just a visual sponge. Great work!

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

wood shavings fly
from the workman’s drill
spring and fall

Nice word play.

in the green pond
sunning turtles point the way
to mecca

I can't help but wonder several things:

1) Where these turtles and their pond are
2) exactly how devout the turtles are, and
3) how does this impact (or is impacted by) the fact that turtles are haraam

BrianIs AtYou

[Jee Leong]

Thanks, 5th, casket and Brian, for reading and commenting.



spring rain
returns all days
of rain

[Mimic_Octopus]

I disagree with the comment that you're writing within yourself. These must have taken a whole 'sit down and really get in the right frame of mind' concentration, in order to get that lightness of step and suggestion over statement. While some of these succeed more than others, so many are just gold. They bear re-reading and they expand and contract beautifully. There's also a real eroticism to them, a spot of the fetish. My favourite so far is:

no daffodil
but the stem tip glows—
cock crowing in the dark

Read these while listening to a little instrumental that sounded like electronic birdsong. Came together nicely.

[Arlene]

such a delight to read, how in so few words you capture so much...love 'forsythia in bloom,' the hudson line, in the green pond, love them all actually.

[Jee Leong]

Thanks, Mimic and Arlene!



speaking of beach
time to get shredded
like pink glass

[Dunc]

Jee

subscribe - Ah, spring sunshine! I can feel it!

Minneapolis haiku - yes, the wretches can insist orright. Clever.

forsythia - self-reference and forsythia, a handsome parcel.

wood shavings - I'm picturing those broken curly ones.

green pond is a true note, an image in lovely balance with its inference - my pick of these.

spring rain is a spring philosophy and spring tone.

pink glass? Ouch!

Ah, most enjoyable!

Regards / Dunc

[Jee Leong]

Thanks, Dunc.



with the sun
emerge the birdwatchers
i fluff

[cookala]

hi Jee! oh my, this last one is very cool - love it.