Acolyte's "Sonnets to Bacchus" Thread IFT

[5th column]

Hey there. What a pleasure this thread is to read, from Whiskyvores to flag nabbing and everything in between. What I enjoy is the tone, unpoemy in the best possible sense and so easy to read. As I said, a pleasure. I'll be back.

[Acolyte]

5th column--thanks for repeated kindnesses. I sometimes struggle with writing poems that are too much like chopped prose. Glad to know the unpoemyness is working this time.

Opportunity

"For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways." -Psalm 91:11

ever since Kepler uncovered elliptical orbits
and Einstein at last debunked the aether
the angels once assigned to roll the planets
across the spheres of heaven
have moved on to second careers

once natural philosophers,
they followed mankind into science
some were spotted in British shipyards
or working in line on the Model T

forgetting how to pull a star into place
they learned to program punchcards
one died at Los Alamos, slain in combat
with the devil that lived inside the Demon Core
others rode Apollo's rockets to the moon

they, too, were relieved when CERN's main switch
failed to usher in premature apocalypse
they smiled with pride over Jenner's vaccine
and cried over thalidomide

and even now one watches the sunrise
every morning on the red plains of Mars
a lone but hardly lonely angel
helping us push back the unknown
by pushing on a rover named Opportunity
as once she pushed on geocentric stars

[Acolyte]

Raising the Flag

I'm up on this stool to announce my candidacy
you're holding an election, a raucous caucus
and this is my barroom stump speech
I'm not a governor or senator
just a man who loves your demographics, and
my staff informs me you're an unbound delegate

thanks for the applause, my cheering supporters
I guess I've won your friends' endorsements
the bar's been polled and focus-grouped
the press agrees I've got momentum
and Drunk Nate Silver predicts
this pickup line's got a sixty percent chance to work

but campaign's like these are made in the debates
and I've promises to make, plans, even
and if this election season extends
perhaps even proposals
but that's the future, and what we need
is action in the now; choose me!

choose me and I'll restore your personal freedoms
but stripping off confining regulations
as your commander-in-chief
I swear to secure your borders
I'll grow your economy
with my hands-on leadership style.
I see I've made your smile great again

and if I've earned your vote in November
when casting your ballot, don't forget
to pull my lever

[Julie]

Mythtakes is genius. But you knew that.

"as many times as the yellow sign man has slipped and fallen
I have never seen him laying, hopeless, on the floor"

Perfect.

as if his laptop was not just a technopsychopomp
who brought your soul to Florida from California
Wonderful stuff.

"and this is my barroom stump speech"

I'll admit to cringing at "stump" in this context!

Such a great thread.

[Emilio]

Acolyte, I took a liking to Capture the Flag, the playfulness, the extended metaphor, the sexual innuendo. Nicely done,

Best,

[kristalynn]

Hi, acolyte, just going through your thread and wanted to let you know I took Capture the Flag the way you meant it (as I see by your response to comments)the first reading! It was "you know exactly what that does to me" and the last two lines. I also liked the line in Celebration of Life about trying not to listen to the widow's voice cracking.

[Acolyte]

Julie--actually I thought Mythtakes was waaaay too much like chopped prose and I'm astounded at its positive reception (I would have shelved it if I had had more than [no joke] 45 minutes of unscheduled time all day on Day 1). I was worried at "stump" there too...maybe I can find a good replacement post-NaPo. Thanks for all your encouragement!
Emilio--glad the dirty came through for you. Thanks for stopping by.
kristalynn--thanks for the confirmation, and for reading and commenting.


Seven Sandcastle Lessons

Sunday
something taught by children
building sandcastles at the beach:
the fear
that time will erase all that we accomplish
is learned

Monday
looking over the ocean
I remember there is water in my body
that has been in dinosaurs
and there is water in my body
that has been in cockroaches
and probably more of the latter
this teaches me that I can inspire awe and terror
but mostly I am just really hard to kill

Tuesday
the irregularities of uneven sunscreen burns
make Rorschach tests of my relations:
the flaming red where my nephew rubbed
around his eyes looks to me like warpaint
but his mother, my sister, teaches me perspective:
she sees only endearing raccoon eyes

Wednesday
my Southern husband is teaching
my nieces his expert bodysurfing skills
and I can see the exact moment
when he realizes
he is at the beach with a horde
of the pale-and-sunburn dappled Yankees
that he despised in childhood

Thursday
in which it is our turn to cook dinner
and grace teaches me why the best miracles
(Zarephath, manna, loaves and fishes)
involve food:
the worries of will-they-like-it
and will-there-be-enough
disperse into the joys
of bread broken together

Friday
the niece who at week's start
could not recognize me, her cross-country uncle
leaps into my arms at dusk
when her father upends the bucket
of ghost crabs the children caught
as they skitter over my feet instead of hers
I realize this vacation has taught her
that I am someone she can trust to keep her safe

Today
it is two years later and I,
brushing sand from the bindings
of a travel-battered notebook,
am taught what physics struggles with
that time does dilate
and while memories may fade
that does not make their making
any less important
than children building castles in the sand





(from a prompt in another place, about writing a series of diary entries. Also, this link has some supporting facts for the Monday section, haha.)

[Acolyte]

Jess, or, Where There's Smoke

"I never thought
woodsmoke could smell so
-bad-
until my parents divorced"

she is drunk as she says this
chasing gin with irish reds
and Jameson with pickle juice

"firewood in Michigan
smells so wholesome--
oak, oak and maple--
but my mother moved to Washington
after the sentencing
and all you west-coast chumps have
is juniper and pine"

she shares her feelings
on the latter trees' utility as fuel
with a throaty whuff of disgust
as usual, her vulgarity and prickly posture
are evident in high relief

almost undetectable are the wounds
of childhood abuse
under a survivor's iron skin:

"all fucking juniper is good for is gin"

[Julie]

Julie--actually I thought Mythtakes was waaaay too much like chopped prose and I'm astounded at its positive reception (I would have shelved it if I had had more than [no joke] 45 minutes of unscheduled time all day on Day 1).

Interesting. I can't make it read like prose, or maybe I have a high tolerance for prose-as-poetry. It works like crazy for me.


"I remember there is water in my body
that has been in dinosaurs
and there is water in my body
that has been in cockroaches"

So much love for this image.


"the irregularities of uneven sunscreen burns
make Rorschach tests of my relations:"

This one, too.

"all fucking juniper is good for is gin"

Strong ending.

I'd try revising into first person. The quotations get in the way for me (others might feel differently).

[beeswax]

Hello Acylite: I got to your thread tonight and happy to report I lost track of time. Mythtakes is funny as get out. I like seeing deities facing off. He Forgot Even his Husband’s Name – ‘a diagnoses not of death but of unbeing’ – is exactly right, exactly how dementia works. Love the yellow sign man. Some comedian draws these signs I think. In the UK there is one of old people aside roadways near senior care centres that never fails to make me laugh. You’ve Got Mail had an unexpected turn -- in the way that life does turn unexpectedly. Capture the Flag is a hoot and maybe more if you have a dirty mind (not that I do). Celebration of Life I’ve never understood celebration of life – as though we can’t admit that losing a loved one can tear out your heart and you don’t want to celebrate anything. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. This is a sestina I think? Anyway main point is the structure fits the subject matter – the drunk and bartender caught in a pattern of frustrating repetends. I enjoyed the rawness of Where There’s Smoke and that enigmatic character portrait.

[Acolyte]

Julie--I added the soft end-rhyme and upped the asso-/consonance to increase the poemy factor. Thanks for the thumbs up.
beeswax--I'm honored to be your time-vortex! Do you have a link to an image for that sign? I was aiming for villanelle with "You Don't Have to Go Home" but I was writing away from a computer and cobbled the rules together from memory (and I totally ignored the metrical aspect). Thanks so much for all the commentary.

This Poem Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity

This Poem Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity

In Only 12 Lines (The 4th One Will Shock You)
This Is The One Weird Secret That Only Introverts Know

Hacker Group Anonymous Has Targeted George Takei

For Revealing What You've Been Doing Wrong Your Whole Life
But This One Life-Hack Will Help More Than You Realize

The Worst Part Is

90% Of People Get The Answer Wrong
And I Know Most Of My Friends Won't Share This

But What You Don't Know About It Will Amaze You

Spoiler Alert: Game of Thrones Is Just Like Real Life
Take This Quiz To Find Out How:

(this was a prompt from another source, to write a social media poem, and since FeatherlessBiped already did the text conversation...)

[Acolyte]

This is a weak entry, but weekends are tough (puns!). I would love to see your additional verses, though!

Itty Bitty Discworld Ditty

Magrat says a broomstick is one of them sexual metaphor things.*
*Although this is a phallusy.
--Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

A wizard's staff has a knob on the end,
a knob on the end, a knob on the end
A wizard's staff has a knob on the end,
and that's where the magic hap-pens!

A witch's broom goes betwixt her legs,
'twixt her legs, 'twixt her legs
A witch's broom goes betwixt her legs,
and that's where the magic hap-pens!

A unicorn's head has a long white horn,
a long white horn, a long white horn
A unicorn's head has a long white horn,
and that's where the magic hap-pens!

A dryad's tree has a secret hollow,
a secret hollow, a secret hollow
A dryad's tree has a secret hollow,
and that's where the magic hap-pens!

A dwarf's smithy has a giant hammer,
a giant hammer, a giant hammer
A dwarf's smithy has a giant hammer,
and that's where the magic hap-pens!

An oracle's cave smells of rotten eggs,
of rotten eggs, of rotten eggs,
An oracle's cave smells of rotten eggs,
and that's where the magic hap-pens!

A wizard's staff has a knob on the end,
a knob on the end, a knob on the end
A wizard's staff has a knob on the end,
and that's where the magic hap-pens!
Yes, that's where the magic
hap-pens!

[Acolyte]

...And caught up!


In The First Case It Is Better Not To Break The Bones (Long Story)

Thor's chariot was pulled by flying, fire-eyed magic goats
who could subsist on scrub and kudzu and wild oats
and, even more perfect for the traveling god on a budget
they were also an endless source of nutritious mutton
Thor would sup on their flesh each night for, well, supper
leaving skin and bones around like so much clutter
but when morning came he'd make deific jazz hands
and the living goats would assemble, front to ass end,
looking unblemished, blasé, and not even fevered
(which is where Sweden got the idea for Ikea)

and the best part is: this miracle, I too can do
and if you've got a big enough crock pot, so can you
because chicken skin and bones and guts and gristle
and veggies and spices and bay leaves go in that vessel
there, they simmer all day, get strained and skimmed just right
to make soup that's warm enough for even Scandinavian nights

[beeswax]

https://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...&iact=c&ictx=1

Link for UK Old People Crossing

[Acolyte]

beeswax-- they look so sad and bent over! (thanks for sharing)

Greek Love

you know I'm gonna suck at this, bro, I'm bad at it
this is definitely more your thing, all liberal arts and shit
but you're out of signal camping and having "bonding time"
tonight you might tell your dad he's not the only man in your life
the House is empty, I mean, the guys are here, but you're not
and I'm thinking of you so I'll give this poetry shit a shot

I've got an exam in the morning but I'm still awake
because my futon without you is like a gym without weights
or a fridge without beer, or a dining hall with no steak
I feel like I've been doing one rep maxes all day with no gains

flying solo is like playing foosball with no little dude in goal
like taking a shit and then realizing there's no TP on the roll
please, bro
please come home