Ph'tang Yang Olé Biscuit Barrel

[DiggerTractor]

Hi 5th, very nice work; from The Safe

"lighting and thunder, a long remembered shame
the smell of fog, autumn, just autumn, the contents
of every odds and sods draw you ever had, the best
lost lines from poems never written"

--beautifully done!

[5th column]

Many thanks to Larry, Janet and Digger. Struggling today, mainly with a lack of ability....


Life in Sing

no taking chances
no pennies against the wall
yet still rough sleeping


From Changi

Rain Trees line the road
first impressions overarch
Sea Almonds buttress


Batam

a rook stole my phone
up in the Angsana tree
black flash through the leaves

[5th column]

She Said They had Doughnut Holes

(BSU campus 2015)

so I expected a plate of immaculate spaces, so
precise they must have been made by the immaculate
baker. To see them would make you

cry for the ache. Imagine the weight
of perfection as a worn yoke on the shoulders
of an artist, never to forge such symmetry

again - the passing of a Lady's slipper.
And I come to think of nothing
but the weave of the Bison, such poise

in the pose, the very passive aggression, the quiet
rust of the north, digesting a passing truck on the road
to Duluth or Billings, Montana, one atom

at a time, and the absence of country
from open car windows; the voice
of the hollow slide. And all this

in light rain that plays on the lake
like the sound of a mandolin and from the bull
to the grass out of reach

[5th column]

I'm trying something new occasionally this NaPo, writing directly onto the site, no filtering, just beginning with a line that I heard someone say earlier in the day. Inevitably perhaps the mind returns to old themes but hopefully in a different way. Oh, and I'm trying to hear a different voice while I write. If anyone is interested it's Oliver Postgate. Somehow (I tried it out for Accented, The Tide and Losing It), it makes the world of difference.


Explain That Again

The part where we run down Box Hill
hand in hand, lose control of our legs
until all we are are footprints in grass
rebounding 'til we can't be traced.
And the weight of the colors, like opening
hall doors silently at night, not to wake
the dark. How that's terrifying and beautiful.
How the roots of the tree by your window
worm their way through the earth
under brick, make supple your house.
Tell me how you dreamed this alone;
a half moon by daylight, only you can see.

[Arlene]

Love this last love poem. And the title, like a song lyric.

[prokopton]

Hey I liked Explain.. a lot.
..not to wake the dark.. stirs my imagination
And roots worming under walls does the same. Good stuff.
I used to go skiing on Box Hill in winter if there was snow. That resonated with me too.
Nit: “a half moon in daylight only you can see."
is not a complete sentence so the semi-colon is improper usage.

G.

[Emilio]

5th, I loved these lines from Tiffany
I recognised the way you'd climbed inside him
worked the machine.

Lost Focus, was another beautiful poem, with beautiful imagery. Some good work here, 5th!

[Steven]

Of the last four poems my favorite is definitely 'Explain That Again', lovely work.

Great how we are flung headlong into the poem, just like the moment that is being described.

The part where we run down Box Hill
hand in hand, lose control of our legs
until all we are are footprints in the grass
rebounding 'til we can't be traced.

The ending is tantalizing. It doesn't really tie things up but it works for me.



Tell me how you dreamed this alone;
a half moon in daylight only you can see.


And the weight of the colors, like opening
hall doors silently at night, not to wake
the dark.

Brilliant. In fact much to like in every strophe.

[5th column]

Cheers Goffe, I hate bl;;dy semi colonics...

[Tony Hoffman]

Accented is remarkable. The safe is a great list poem, with all the different sensory experiences stashed away.

[5th column]

Many thanks to Steven, Emilio, Tony, Geoff and Arlene. Such kind words for the drafts.

[5th column]

I almost forgot to say a huge thank you Tony. If anyone says anything you wrote was 'remarkable' you owe them special thanks. What a buzz.

[beeswax]

Hey there 5th. Just read Slow Motion Replay -- first impression -- well no one has written that before! -- I mean it's fresh and engrossing.

[Acolyte]

The Roman haiku is nice with its glints. "Foreign Tongue" echoes in its aching; it has a great finish. "Losing It" has this amazing image: "for a moment I hesitated/thinking I'd scythed the canvass/
of a watery moon". "Doughnut Holes" finishes strong as well, with the grasping rust. For someone who's struggling you're sure having no problem taking me on an international and interemotional trip. Can't wait for more.

[5th column]

"For someone who's struggling you're sure having no problem taking me on an international and interemotional trip" - A new word 'interemotional'! Genius, I might try to find a way of including it in the thread as we go Thanks for stopping by