Ph'tang Yang Olé Biscuit Barrel

[Dunc]

5th

Doughnut Holes — Yes, that was something new. A bit wandering, but full of images, not least the quiet / rust of the north, digesting a passing truck on the road / [...] one atom / at a time.

Explain — Thanks for the intro. It gets an impressive roll on, but the sense of direction never slips. Well done.

Replay — Enjoyable wit : Put the needle on the record, and the needle / on the record / jumps between grasp and gasp, grasp; and the way you extract your moral is very neat.

To me, the thread gets stronger as the poems get more coherent, more purposeful. Good to read.

Regards / Dunc

[Jee Leong]

"Explain That Again" is lovely. I like the Batam haiku too. A phone call is like a black flash in the trees.

[Bench]

'She said' and 'Explain that' (they don't make them like Noggin the Nog any more...) are lovely, but I think my favourite is 'Replay'- CCTV as ultimate voyeurism, perhaps.

[bop]

5th, I like your idea of hearing a different voice. I liked 'Explain That Again', it has a sleepiness to it if you know what I mean (don't worry if you don't!). Your Rook Haiku reminded me of a Father Ted episode when Father Jack's new spectacles were stolen by a crow! Talking of TV shows, I've become addicted to 'Person of Interest' (it's really bad!) but it echoes the premise of 'Slow Motion Replay'. The worrying thing is that we are all being watched! I love your originality and beautiful use of words.
bop

[5th column]

MAny, many thanks to Bop, Bench, Jee and Dunc, Bees and Acolyte for your kind words.


Glass House


A tang of guilt for wanting
her, reading, poems, time
alone, everything.

She told me, the morning news
is always best avoided.
A woman raped then

stoned. Not as you might
imagine; biblical - foetal
up against a dry wall, struck

by pebbles you might find
on a beach, until the image cuts away
fading to

the sound of hail on grass. Instead
paving slab as magic carpet
hovering

before the drop. Enjoy your latte
after that! How to judge.
How not.

[PClem]

Of these latest, I really like Doughnut Holes and In The Greenhouse. They take me interesting and not always very comfortable places.

[5th column]

Many thanks to PClem. Uncomfortable, maybe that's good.


Today's effort is a placeholder. Can't claim any more than that...




Pandora, Pandora

The weight of a memory
a pause before cutting
the precursor to lightning
an elevator suspended
a recurring theme
a long kiss like ozone
unsay this image
a wild flower between pages
the space between floors
we love most when apart
a series of statements
take my hand, turn away
an imperfect reflection.
Unlock the key.

[prokopton]

Slo-mo replay is intriguing. I keep re-reading it and more is revealed with each reading.
I like that. In trying to obtain clarity, I sometimes think my writing is too transparent,
too obvious. This is more subtle, almost obscure, but in a good way.
Greenhouse
- not getting it, am I dense?
Well, I like a puzzle anyway. Lots of images to try to piece together.
I read Pandora but can’t make much of it. Sorry 5th.
I must be having an off day, but good for you, still churning out the work.
Gofef

[Julie]

"She is
become the sum
of poses"

Love it.

"the dust across the shoe's
dry tongue."

"I can't tell
if I'm mislaid or if I'm lost."

!! These are wonderful wonderful lines.


"like a madman
swatting wasps"

I love images like this, that put something so clear in my head.


"so I expected a plate of immaculate spaces"

Love.



"make supple your house."

!!!

[5th column]

Many, Many thanks to Gefof and Julie. I really do appreciate every visit.



Liminal



Stars prick out from hollows like questions on a canvass.

Inside, your outline

through the liminal gradations of courtesy.
Shadows

of frangipani filtered

between slats angled down.

It seems your moment has extended past the door

out to the cliffs.

The ocean welcomes, as it’s own

the sound

of breathing, pauses, listening

between the waves.

Describe the drop. Tell me. How

does it taste, like copper? Don’t tell me

how little heart there is in the mouth. You hold my head

under waves, thunder, horses

have me staring

up and out

the silence

of your response.

[larryrap]

With an eye on the truth//we listen between the lines.

Words of wisdom.

I like what you're doing in "Explain That Again" - dreamlike freestyle.
"In the Greenhouse" - snip, snip - Title: "Morning News", first line: "A girl raped", and then some tightening and you're there.
You may have ruined "Liminal" with the formatting. I never did understand that style. There are some strong lines within.

[5th column]

Many thanks to Larry. I was very much against formatted poems, but I'm trying to see if it makes a difference when done as I write, not after and I have to say that so far, for me it does.



Poemectomy


Here is the desk on which it will take place. The top is tempered
glass, not clear, but tinged with envy, perfect for flushing out

blood and gristle. It rests on legs like those of a work bench
but made of pride, but reflect like chrome; it may glisten

but also tarnish. And here are the pens that make incisions. One
writes about now, it's nib, broad and soft, its lacquer reflects.

The other writes about the future. Give it a try. Where is yours?
A switchback

in a familiar desert. The tarmac warps on the horizon
and there's a car on the roadside. It’s red and there’s a girl

whose hair is red, whose blouse is red, so much depends
on the the colour of her hair, and the sun glints off the chrome like a needle

through the eye, and the car ticks, steaming rising from the bonnet. And her
voice echoes. “Fix me.” And I recognise her face but can’t quite place the name,

and I want to speak but am still, struck dumb, and know this
is a waking dream but recognize it all the same, and I know I know

her, and there's an answer
to the riddle of the car, the girl, the colour, echoes but looking back

she's gone. Be careful what you ask for.
This pen reflects.

[vmh]

Hi Neil: Finally got here!

I like the yearning in The Tide.

a long remembered shame
the smell of fog, autumn, just autumn,

is really great. Casual but to the point.

With Tiffany, you weight her attributes with memory. Nice portrait painted. Ha, in leopard. This could be your cat poem.

Similarly in Lost Focus, the image built is strong. Like the comparison to suns without being cliche.

The magpies poem is very mysterious, and I'm curious as to whose glint.

Losing is a great visual treat. Used all the senses.

Batam is well done. I like that one a lot.

My fav part of Donut Holes is

and the absence of country
from open car windows; the voice
of the hollow slide.

Interesting look at absence.

we listen between the lines.

Absolutely. The way to read poetry!

The title In The Greenhouse makes me think there is so much more to this story than just the poem. Relationship as greenhouse maybe, getting to know someone better. I like how he listens to her and her fears, initial judgment and learning vs the real story.

Pandora is not a list poem despite the listing. It builds a story well.

Poemectomy, I wrote a poem commenting about using furniture in poems, glad to see someone else doing the same. Write on Neil, you are going great! You can cut the poem out of you, but you can't cut you out of the poem :-)

Vicky

[M]

Yikes. Greenhouse is great...disturbing, but I enjoyed the read.

[5th column]

Apologies to all - 'Greenhouse' should have read 'Glasshouse' - I couldn't understand why the title was failing so badly but as often happens, it seems my word choice, while close, wasn't what I actually believed it to be...

I don't know about anyone else but this year seems tougher than ever. Finding time isn't easy but finding something worth writing / writing about is even harder. I'm bored of the sound of my own voice. It may be time to roll out the American sentence (which sounds like an insult to the Anerican sentence but isn't meant to be). Either that or the pissed out of your skull poem (my favourite part of NaPo), or the 30 in 30 (always an epic fail!).

Thanks again to to everyone who's stopped by so far.