Ph'tang Yang Olé Biscuit Barrel

[5th column]

Like Heaven


At the table opposite is a man
with a face I might describe to you

as lived-in. The thread cheeks all but throb
and the nose parts

around the bulb which hangs
and blooms like a flesh eating exotic.

The ancient chrome Gaggia
spews out gouts of steam while trad-jazz

undercuts the roar and chit-chat, crockery
clink and the chink of spoons.

And all the while I sit here wondering why
above the din, all I can really, like hear

are the two girls, like nearby, talking,
like angels with a speech impediment

who've been like, justifiably
cast out of somewhere.

[5th column]

When You're on Poem Number Twenty Five and It Feels Like Poem Two Hundred and Fifty and You've Hardly Been Outside For a Month and You're Beginning to Lose the Plot.


fingers tap
at the keys
like trespassers
voyeurs, oblivious
to the fact
that observing
is not the same
as living.

[Bench]

Nice work 5th, keep going nearly there. Love the marriage- trapeze analogy (hold your breath- like the father of the bride is), and really want to know what the two reprobates in the coffee shop were turfed out for. Best is Marilyn, but I don't know why yet- I get a feeling of increasing palliative use of drugs, but this is powerful enough to warrant re-readings. Well played.

[5th column]

Thanks to Bench for stopping by.

Copper Line, Copper Line, Copper Line

Listening to James Taylor, pluck time over a glass of white and silence. The night we met: pine needles; sharp as clock hands at midnight. Twelfth night full of stars, hurdling the stairs to grab the tree by the gizzard, drag it down the staircase like a corpse, past your door then you appear, bend to, plucking wishbones from the floor. Can you hear? James - the live version, talking pine needles and turpentine and North Carolina. (Is this real or am I drunk?) No, we were, and you, fresh as sap.


And this is my only poem about you but it doesn’t sound like a poem and it won’t sing like a lyric and I don’t know what more to say or why I’m writing but James won’t move on baby. Stop. Now. You can Close Your Eyes.

[Janet]

Neil- you may be but I'm not tired of your voice at all. So many good nuggets in your last several.

The Other- feel like I do- the glass globe, the charred fingers, all of the pain- like torture. We should all do this. Being a tree-hugger, I loved this.

I cracked up at the length of the title of your 25th-day poem. Can relate and feel the same way when taking pictures/making videos sometimes.

Smiled big at Time stopped but, out of respect.

Go Neil, go!

[Emilio]

5th, I was taken with Poemectomy, it's so hard to get an original take on Ars Poetica, it's just difficult to do, but I think you've got something here, it's very creative, and this first line is really powerful and a real attention getter, Here is the desk on which it will take place. You can't help but want to dive into the poem after reading this, kudos,

Emilio

[5th column]

Thank you to Janet for your ear and to Emilio for the kudos...



Free Association


So what if you took my name.
What if we damned it up with skin,

You unwrapping the gift reluctantly, all the neat folds

no roaches, no bears, nothing with a skeleton, nothing

hidden, all fur coat and no knickers

prized apart, artfully so, it’s hard to imagine

there's no lawd gawd almighty. How to denote a glottal
stop. No confessing, no touching, don’t - stop

the act of unwrapping, ‘un’ - anything can

terrify- unravelling, unpacking. Carefully, like molten

flesh, fresh cuts, fresh cut grass, fresh outta luck, fresh air
always the need for air, for escape

from the past, hauled to the surface, too heavy to float

sink and cool, form a new crust in the deep

a secret, no safe word. Imagine the void

as warm water, warm breath, cupped hands

breathing in your reflection

at the foot of the rock, reaching up from the dark reservoir
the church where he still pleads forgiveness.

Undo, untie, unlace the years.
Take my name.

[beeswax]

Neil. Nice job on Free Association. I enjoyed how the associations linked strangely and how a structure evolved. I've enjoyed your thread this NaPo. You're finishing strong.

[cookala]

heya Neil! I am finally feeling cognizant and sharp mentally and I have the time so I am here to fluff!

The Safe – love the nostalgic vibe here along with the sonics and images – nice work! a list poem done really well.

Tiffany –character study done well – really like the specific and unusual traits used to create a visual image, nice, and a great list poem.

Foreign Tongue – the dust across the shoe's/dry tongue – awesomeness

Losing It – some very nice word choices and images in this, esp the “fro” rhyme and scythed the canvass / of a watery moon and yes, it said to me “asthma attack”, to which I can very muchly relate. you did a good job of capturing that for me.

Doughnut Holes – but the weave of the Bison, such poise/in the pose, the very passive/aggression, the quiet/rust of the north, digesting a passing truck on the road and in light rain that plays on the lake/like the sound of a mandolin oooooh, so nice! you capture the angst of N well.

Explain That Again – interesting piece, yet it feels unfinished like there’s more to say and perhaps find a bit more closure and more clarity. right now it kind of skims around an underlying message but it’s still nebulous. me thinks – workshop! but this part
And the weight of the colors, like opening/hall doors silently at night, not to wake/the dark. How that's terrifying and beautiful. is brilliant! and love the roots bit – really nice work, makes me a bit green.

Slow Motion Replay – good use of white space and arrangement/lbs, it compliments the tension and unease of being watched by “big brother, the hidden camera”. cool wordplay with needle/record and grasp/gasp. good stuff!

Glass House – people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones – yes, but it needs a bit more to support that me thinks. right now it’s mostly the recounting of a rape/stoning scene in the news, but it needs something more personal to N than the opening strophe to make it sing. still, a strong 1st draft.

Pandora, Pandora – the start of a poem. right now it’s just a list, but you know that. now you just have to tie in the worlds ills to it, or perhaps make it a character study – why Pandora does what she does.

Liminal – LOVE that bit about the sound of the ocean, being a beach girl at heart that really resonates with me. not sure the formatting helps the poem, but there are some strong lines and images. also, the title is an adjective and I’m not so sure it works. In regards to the definition of limen I take the poem to mean the start of something, perhaps suicide or self-destruction but it’s fuzzy.

Poemectomy – interesting approach, combining the subject of writing poetry and an actual poem, but it neglects to include the past, and I think that needs to be incorporated as so much poetry is written about past events.

Novella – made me chuckle. a reflection on yourself this napo? on a larger scale, perhaps a reflection for us all!

The One Where I Miss the Bus Saving Marilyn Monroe By Proxy – dynamite descriptives in this, so soft and alluring, like she was. good stuffs!

Fade to Gray – a snippet, but a strong one. self-reflection is never easy. remembering those who have been gone a long time is hard, the image fades, but memories remain.

30/30 –
Marriage – nice metaphor and comparison
The Art of Noise – interesting. esp like the bit about coffee corruptin sugar, nice.
In Order – ouch, bet that burns. but sweet at the end.
Prior to Ignition – like this a lot. nice sonics and images that show the start of the day with ticks of time. 1st sentence is awesomeness. very cool.

Singlish – made me chuckle. can lah indeed. (is it can? or is it ken?)

Like Heaven – made me smile and think N is sitting in a coffee shop people watching, and enjoying it. funny descriptives, and fresh and unusual, for the man described.

April 25th – I so relate

Free Association – good stuff. the repetition of words works well, as does the train of free thought and word association. nice work.

[5th column]

Many thanks to Bees for the repeated visits and to Cookie! Wow! Just wow!

this is no haiku
probs not a kitty ditty
could be a tanka
after all that was a turn
Prokopton stands in judgement

[prokopton]

Hey Neil,
Heaven is a sensory buffet, visuals like the ugly nose,
Organ sounds, onomatopoeia of clinks and chinks, and by association, carries
a hint of aromas too: food, drink, sweat, the girls’ perfume
Hints of unnamed tastes from table and crockery – a real cornucopia!

There’s something – at least one strong image in number 25. It made me read it 4 times.

Free Association was pretty good I thought. Many images, an interesting structure. It looks like the month’s practice did you some good. Got you warmed up, honed some skills.

but kitty-ditty, when read carefully never actually mentions a cat - that was the challenge. Want to try once more? I bet you have a swell cat poem in you!

I think you are closing strongly, despite not thinking you would not finish way back at the start.

Cheers,
ffGoe

Postscript:
Hey Neil,
Re: poemectomy
I was sucked in, I went along for the ride and was not disappointed.
I was reminded of a song by Jane Siberry called Mimi on the Beach. It too featured a motley assortment of images and featured a girl with red hair who seemd on display, or was at least the focus of attention like that girl in the red dress in Matrix Reloaded, a major distraction!
Cheers, Gffoe

[Arlene]

So appreciate your stopping by to read, and April 25th, indeed, and Free Association, wow. Best, A.

[5th column]

Many, many thanks to Arlene and Gefof - what a pleasure to NaPo with you both.




Cutting


You say we were the vibrato, the melody
was superfluous - the way a blade loves

the skin, kissing cousins, blood never being
what you look for in the heavens. Pricks of light

from your back in the long grass, the plough wheeling
through the furrowed dark, you, Big Dipper falling

virgo to distant canis major, you, aquarius
on the grand canvass. You explained

once, it was the act of separating parts that intrigued;
discovering the blade could be released from the butterfly

with a few twists, a turn. Something in the way
the wings had held it down, in place

induced a flood. Blood is only red when dry. To see
it flowing, purple as the void, Now that’s something

in the way the void is nothing. Satisfaction may be
found in old things or ways. You said. Letting

releases pressure. Demons

[Dunc]

5th

Poem Number Twenty Five — Don't worry. When you've done half a dozen more NaPos you'll see it still makes no sense.

Free Association — That's a fine resonant salad of images, not too loose to accumulate impact.

Cutting — Again, full of telling images, if not quite as shaped as 'Free Association'.

Great pleasure to read your thread.

Regards / Dunc

[5th column]

Many, many thanks to Dunc for your repeated visits and encouragement. I've greatly appreciated it.