30 Slices of Toast

[Word Weaver]

I love the idea of changing seasons as pencil to paint. Pleasant thoughts. carry on!

[Emilio]

Steven, we both posted a tree poem on day 4 (I like yours much better though), what are the chances of that happening?! That has to be a NaPo first. My favorite of these last though, is Fatten. The pastoral imagery is just beautiful,

The pencil marks
Of winter turn
To paint: thick swathes of green
Brush through the park.

I'll be revisiting! Happy NaPo,

[HowardM2]

"Observatory" makes good use of 3 specific details to evoke the beginnings of spring although the landscape is still mostly bare, a nice touch. "Fatten" in a sense continues the theme, this time focusing on what changes, both the absence of typical winter sights and the developing view of "green" throughout; the pencil sketch metaphor of the first two strophes works well, and I think you should be able to continue it with a bit more clarity into the last one, as well. I especially like "Tree"; the contrast between the abstract ambitions of the first strophe (even though illustrated with specifics) contrasts very well with the plain, unadorned, simple desire of the second strophe. Nicely done.

[prokopton]

winter mists, bench by the lake, man becomes tree,
all enjoyable thoughts to contemplate
- and I like poetry that makes me think!

you give as good as you get, Steven.


Goffe

[kristalynn]

Yes, the last line "This man becomes a tree" is really good!

[Steven]

Thank you all of you for your comments, some clear observations and advice. Much appreciated.

[Steven]

Recognizing Birdsong



Inside the orchard plays
The warbler's falling phrase.
And here the summer stays
For sixty summer days.

Each tree plays like a flute
As from the branches shoot
The warblers when they scoot
Unsettling the fruit.

The children do not hear,
Although each phrase is clear.
They merge inside each ear
As just the time of year.

[Bench]

I love "each tree plays like a flute" to describe the density of birdsong. Got a pair of skylarks outside the site hut at the moment. Noisier than the bloody aeroplanes taking off next door.

[beeswax]

Observatory is an exquisite little poem. Fatten – reminded me of winter in the prairies when I lived in Canada. Mists that hung on winter staves/Now blend with winter green.. is lovely. Religiously – got me thinking. I do go to church so I guess the answer is yes for me. The poem contrasting the different ways of being in the world was interesting. Tree or a bird? Bird song. Funny enough I found an you tube tonight of a blackbird singing for an hour. It was lovely. We have them here but haven’t heard one yet. I was longing for it. Nice reading your stuff. Look forward to more.

[PClem]

Very much like Fatten, Tree and Birdsong. The warblers make of the tree a flute, don't they? Nice way to look at it.

[Steven]

Thanks fellow-sufferers for your kind words! Still trudging on here.

[Steven]

The Explosion


I was about 5 miles away from the airport
When it happened and I thought
A door had slammed.

Now whether it was a door slammed in anger
Or a door slammed by the wind
I do not know.

But when I arrived at the scene of the explosion
Only the door was there.

[anita.a]

Good going so far Steven! I loved your 'Observatory', reminded me of Wordsworth for a moment, just as the poem 'Explosion' reminded me of 'Quantico'! The rhyme in 'Recognising Birdsong' is apt to the title. But, what worked best for me is the poem 'Fatten', great imagery! I liked the lines,
The pencil marks
Of winter turn
To paint

[romac1]

I have now caught up with your thread. The Explosion is particularly terrific. Some nice observations in Fatten and I think The Tree should come really good after a little revision post-NaPoWriMo.

[Speug]

“And things change.” is an excellent last line, I think. 'The Explosion', I really like.