30 Slices of Toast

[Janet]

Mists that hung on winter staves
Now blend with morning green
Thickening the world.
And things change.
----

Especially enjoyed the final stanza if your second poem. Clever title and like how you tied it all together.

[5th column]

What I like most about this second poem is the title. It's such a great way to describe what happens in spring and it's so economical.

[prokopton]

"Mists that hung on winter staves
Now blend with morning green"

lovely. I see myself, on the deck, coffee in hand
spellbound, listening to the roar of wind in the trees
on the slopes above while the mists below
slink like wolves between the firs..

G.

[Sorry]

Hi Steven, nice start!
For me, Observatory could be a metaphor for observations made whilst walking into the NaPo forest, and I feel like such a daffodil!
Flatten was terrific, vivid and rich. My inner nit-picker wanted "erased" to be "replaced" simply because the thick swaths of green coming in the first stanza made it seem too late to erase anything in stanza two.
I enjoyed both poems and look forward to more. WL

[Dani B]

Nicely done on "fatten" - I can see the image transforming in my mind's eye as I read -d

[Donner]

Hi, Steven. I always look forward to your sensibilities.

As a former art teacher, I especially appreciated the comparison of winter as drawn with pencil and the coming of spring as painted with swathes of color. It's an interesting and inventive and fresh way to look at the change of seasons; hard to do, good how you managed to do that. "Fatten" is also a great way to describe new growth.

Another good observation in "Observatory" - N describing a spring walk through the forest. I had to look up aconite, I'm more familiar with its common name, wolf's bane or devil's helmit. But aconite sound more friendly.

Donner

[anenome]

I much enjoyed the approach in Fatten, as someone who sketches the pencil lines worked well. I wasn't too clear on the use of 'erase' as the line seemed to want for the opposite to happen at that point if that makes sense.

[Steven]

Thank you folks sincerely for your comments and for anyone dropping by.

The poems have plopped out quite quickly so far. Which is good.

[Steven]

Religiously


I dream all year of going to church,
Of driving into Ellesmere from my home in Northwood
And sitting on a bench beside the lake.

After all,
What is a church
But a place we want to visit
Time and time again?

[Andrea345]

Hey Steven - nice contemplation. Just googled Ellesmere & Northwood. Sounds like a lovely place to live.

[Dunc]

Steven

'broken window frames' around the snowdrops. Nice image.

Fatten — bit surprised by a 'reedy' forest. Like your mists.

Religiously — Another relaxed and bucolic vista. Must think some more about how to answer your question.

Enjoyed your thread.

Regards / Dunc

[Steven]

Thank you folks for your welcome comments on these efforts. They are very much off the cuff, so it's good to see that it's not as bad as I thought it was.

[Steven]

Tree



Subconsciously, some men dream of becoming birds:
They spend their lives in different places,
Have different women, and different jobs.
Life for them is a fluctuating existence:
The aggregation of various desirable items,
Such as sports cars, televisions, golf memberships.
They feel the overwhelming need to be
Successful.

Other men do not dream
But concentrate on what is already there:
The endless land, the rivers, and the animals
Have their place, just as he has his.
This man becomes a tree.

[Arlene]

Love 'Fatten,' 'the pencil marks...turn to paint...,' the whole poem a painting, blending of shapes and colors. And this last, the second verse, how it ends, 'This man becomes a tree.'

[5th column]

Hi Steven - loving Tree, especially the conclusion. Also one man's church is another's lake. Very good. Very good indeed.