Almost a Kennedy

[Janet]

I love the idea of roll solo, and it's got really nice rhythm and sonics to match the musical metaphors which I also really enjoyed.

[M]

You stare at a clock, any clock,
until you swear. The hands turn back
to tasks: fold, unfold, clean. Unclean
thoughts back you into a corner
room where shame is. A man you knew
but can't seem to remember has passed
without pause as if you weren't there.

You think of the very first time
you raised your hand in class. You knew
the answer, and the teacher called
your name and you blurted out
but it was wrong and you swallowed
something you must have forgotten
was in your mouth but you knew
that what you said was not what
you meant to say, it just came out
the wrong way. Really. It did.

You think of the time when a boy
stopped in the hallway and told you how pretty
your dress was. You knew he liked you,
and you beamed a "thank you" with an exclamation
point in your voice and he blurted out
"psyche! It's ugly as you are", and your face
turned hot, your pits slick, but you knew
he had been joking all along. You did.

You start to remember the man
you knew. A writer. He must have been
a writer. He chose his words so carefully.
He must have written a song or a letter
or a poem or a story. A long story. And he chose
his words so carefully. He would cross out,
back space, delete, erase. He would erase
the ones that didn't fit just so. And you
think: doesn't he know when you cut
out a good word, a gorgeous word, a faithful word,
you should keep it in a safe place for later use?

Surely, he will run out of words
this way. One day, he'll look at his blank
pages and there will be no words left
to fill them, because he discards
some really good ones and then forgets
that that he ever knew them to begin with.
But you knew all along he would forget.

[cookala]

hi Mari! these are all so strong, and also so interesting, and I love the voice. I think they all bode for workshop post napo, they're chock full of meaty goodness. . there's a lot of promise in each. The revision of Anchor, I think, is substantially better. looking forward to more!

[Julie]

"We used to stumble home together.
A body leaning against a body almost
made a straight body."

Love this.

"His heart has been in the same place
since he grew it"

There are some lines that feel like they have always existed. This is one of them.


"But you knew all along he would forget."

Love the tricks of memory and unreliability in this.

Strong work. Thanks for posting it.

[DiggerTractor]

Hi M,

we've got a bit in common, for better or worse: it's been a long time since we both wrote (8 years for me, I believe), we both seem to like 'enjambment' and we both seem to be deriving inspiration from 'heartbreak' as in break my heart when I read:

and I need to go home.
Home is where a ring
sits in a drawer full of your things.
I always speak too softly. I cannot
say the word "home" to you anymore.

[Speug]

Hi, I really liked the final ‘Step’ and “His heart has been in the same place / since he grew it, and it speaks to itself / without you.”

[M]

Weather alert said rain
tomorrow, but forecasts be damned;
you didn't come to talk to me
about the future. So. Let's mount up
and ride this ugly-ass elephant
bareback, yea?

Good. You first.

Riiiiight. Okay. So, let's reflect:
what I heard you say was this,
us, isn't working for you because
the person you thought I was
was the person you could change
into the person who would change you
into the person you thought
you wanted to be. But you
have inferred the person I was
was the person I was, the person
who liked the you I thought you were
(who was the person who
liked the person I was). Soooo,
c'mooonnnn. It took you six fucking
yeeears to Sherlock that shit?
I also thought you were
smart when we first met.
Fool me once, I guess.

Yea, ok. Sorry. You're right.
No need to resort to insults.
I can adult. But so you know,
this whole thing is pretty piss-
in-the-sandbox on your part.

Really? You need a beer just now?

Yep. I went there. And don't look
at me like I've just proposed
that you rub my nipples
with wasabi and lick it off.
You're as pleasant as a rusty speculum
scrape to the cervix when you "have bevs",
and I'm not in the mood for -- No.
Put it out. You know I switched to vaping,
and I just replaced the carpet
from that time we...
nevermind. New carpet, new rules. Hey,
gimmie a sip.

Please?

I know. You can't change
how you feel. But this feels
like a spat you rehearse
when you're miffed. You hoard
vaults full of wit to whip back
at each quip. But at go-time, it slips
away from you the way it didn't in your car,
because the retort you'd anticipated
was the one you'd wished for, and god
dammit-I'd hoped for more than this from you.

Yea, I know, prick. You tout
selfishness as self-love, but I'm pretty
sure your eyes are brown. You treat yourself
often, but don't treat yourself well. No, I don't
want a motherfuckingbump! Christ
on a brachiosaurus! Are. You. Even.
Lis-ten-iiing?

Hmmm. Welp, dunno what to say
to that. So, since you won't hear me,
I'll say this: I never pictured us
in a doorway to a place called "mine". Hell,
I hate the word. It's greedy -- needy.

Goddamned right. I said it.

[beeswax]

M – The night I lost my coat finds its stride in the second stanza I think. Actually the 2^nd could stand alone – it says lots eloquently. When you heard it did you think of me? Yes. You write a good narrative. On Drowning – I like the anchor repetend. It gives the poem a brooding quality – sense of N obsessing over the relationship (which one does, or to be more personal – it’s what I do). I’m enjoying the sequence. They fit well together. You skip between recent past, childhood, and present – this holds the reader’s interest. Enjoyed -- You're as pleasant as a rusty speculum/scrape to the cervix


Lovely line break.

Looks as though you’ll have lots to work on post-napo. Keep it up!

[Emily Bronte]

Michelle,

I've read "Fifth anniversary" several times. The progression and hardening of the self destructive thought patterns in N is sensitively and beautifully handled. I'd love to see this in the forums post NaPo.

[M]

Janet, cookie, Julie, DT, Mari, Speug and beeswax, thanks so much for stopping in!

Janet, rolling solo is what I do best! Glad you enjoyed the musical metaphor.

Coookiiiee, I like the revision more myself. It's funny how time creates natural changes in a poem so that, by the time you get down to revising, you realize that the poem was already a bit of a precognitive glance into the future of things. I started out meaning one thing with the original, but on the re-read, I realized that it had a different meaning all along.

Julie! That's a huge compliment. Thank you!! That line was one I thought about the least -- it just WAS. I love it when that happens.

DT - Yes, many lines in your thread have broken mine as well. Heartbreak is a universal language, regardless of the source of the pain, but I can relate so well to the sudden (or what feels sudden) demise of an LDR. And I think there's almost nothing more satisfying than a good line break. Thanks for the read. I hope you're finding this foray back into the world of writing as therapeutically cathartic and painful yet freeing and healing as I have. *here's to writing about endings and beginnings*

Speug, I'm glad you enjoyed it. The last step was actually supposed to be so different, but I came to my own realization about the holes one digs for themselves mid-poem. The writing of that poem in itself was an epiphany of sorts for me, and it will probably be one of my favorite that I've ever written for that reason alone.

beeswax, I do think I have some stuff to work with finally. I think S2, poem 1 was where I started to find my own stride after not writing for so long. I was scared to even try to start again, and so glad I did. And yes, I definitely obsess too.

Mari, thank you! I haven't been in the forums for so long, it's a terrifying thought, but I think you just might see that one after the dust settles. Thanks again for reading!

--Michelle

[M]

-Only when you run out and approach
need, do you wish you had
employed restraint during prior usage.

-Just because that one cat on YouTube
enjoyed baths does not mean yours will
let you live, and the large intestine
of Weimaraners is not large
enough to safely pass a cat toy.

-When your sister gets negative vibes
from the man you brought home, fucking listen.

-When a lover rejects you, write
down all of the reasons why it ended.

-Surgery improves life quality, but first
causes injury. For days, you wake to a deluge
of pain. You want nothing
but two (or five) Percocet and sleep
until the throbs dim.

-If you have more to write of an end
than you have written of the entire
duration, it is best ended.

-"A lover's rejection" is just another term
for surgery.

-The first applies to: sugar
for a first morning cup, cigarettes
midway through shift, sips from a flask
after 2am, Percocet. It does not apply
to: a father's counsil, secrets
between friends, songs to your child, a lover's
fervor, time.

[prokopton]

For some reason, probably myopia, I thought it said, "lost my GOAT" heh.
but that ain't it. So I was reading about these two barflys wondering when the goat would appear.
anyway, it was a good yarn and I felt sobered up by the end.

So, how about a goat poem anyway?

Geffo

[avalanche]

Oh my.
This is strong stuff indeed.
Much enjoyed, much to come back to again and again.
I keep thinking of the current knowing your name....memories of Anne Sexton ?

God is indeed in your typewriter.

[5th column]

Things I Learned circles pleasingly around itself to a thoroughly fulfilling conclusion. I enjoy poems I have to re-read and especially those that reference themselves late in the day, doubling the pleasure.

[M]

late night, base white dreams --
flex, press, rush: stardust. zip line
trails heaven to hell.




Things to add to my "things I've learned the hard way": haiku, because I'm going in blind. All I know is 5-7-5.