Cookala's In Just Under the Wire

[cookala]

thanks M and bop for visiting and fluffing - really appreciate it. having such a rough time this year! so the fluff helps to motivate me.

[cookala]

April 13

Visiting Mom

Today I placed an evergreen wreath
where she lies beneath the sky,

felt again that old, familiar grief
as though it were for the first time. Alive

but not alive I subsist, eat, sleep;
do what I must to survive

but my soul is an empty shell
and my heart’s more scar tissue than meat

and the future has faded into a blank page
in the absence of her presence.

In the distance a mourning dove cries,
I answer.



.

[cookala]

April 14



Caged

sometimes
I perch too close
to the razor wire

I think I can slip through
the steely thorns
of my cage

but if I did the tower guard
would focus his sights
and shoot me down

destroy my chance to dance in the free air
live my life out loud
and unafraid of waking the dead

everyone builds their own cage
only to end up trapped
within its empty space


.

[cookala]

April 15

The Cycle Repeats

It’s four am and here I sit
skunked of sleep, having fits
because the words won’t rhyme
as I try to write this lousy poem
that refuses to fit the chosen form.
A simple poem is all I ask,
why then is it such a task? Tsk
tsk tsk. It seems the words
will only come to mind
when I cannot respond,
like when I’m doing sums
or driving or on the phone.
I can almost guarantee
that the moment I try to sleep
it will not be – the phrase I seek
will come to me, and I will rise
once more to pore over the poem
that never ends, and curse myself
as the cycle repeats repeats repeats…



.

[Arlene]

The April 13th poem probably knocked you out, maybe why the April 15th? 13 and 14 are painful to read, must have been tough to write. Are you allowed a sip of whiskey now and again? Just like rubbing a bit on a teething baby's gums... xo

[Bench]

I haven't sussed fluffing yet but bounced in to your many compelling things: razor wire, scarred hearts

It’s four am and here I sit
skunked of sleep

I read with a demented joy. NaPo might be a concave mirror. Charge on, honesty is the best policy.

[cookala]

Arlene and Bench - thanks guys - appreciate the fluffery. Will visit you guys soon.

[cookala]

April 16

Napo (lune sequence)

Napowrimo’s here
get ready
to turn some phrases

be word delighted
by others
with napo crazies

and remember to
fluffer up
all who need lifting

it just might be you
who’s reserve
falters at sixteen

[cookala]

April 16

Napo (lune sequence)

Napowrimo’s here
get ready
to turn some phrases

be word delighted
by others
with napo crazies

and remember to
fluffer up
all who need lifting

it just might be you
who’s reserve
falters at sixteen



.

[beeswax]

Cookala – visiting – and better late than never is all I can say. I enjoyed your thread tonight. Crocus – wake, bloom, die. Yikes – that strikes a chord or two. Grief How clever to personify grief. Yes. Like a lover that you wish you’d never met. Him I love, . . . understanding, why, at long last/ the birds sing with such joy. Visiting Mom -- reminded me of all my losses. I’m daring myself to post a few of the poems I wrote at those times in the last three years but couldn’t post because it felt too private – I needed to wrap myself up for a while. Lovely visiting here today Cookala. Keep it up. Those Lune’s were lovely. Short is OK when you don’t have the energy for a marathon.

[DiggerTractor]

I like "Grief" a lot-it's so spot on.

And this is nice:
A mulberry leaf with hoar-tinged edges
releases its tenuous grasp,
floats in the slipstream breeze

and this:

destroy my chance to dance in the free air
live my life out loud
and unafraid of waking the dead

[kristalynn]

Wonderful closing lines in Caged and The Cycle Repeats.

[cookala]

beeswax! thank you for all the lovely comments and fluff - I appreciate them muchly and I know exactly what you mean by "too private" - I struggle with that myself. But I can say this - having dared to dip my toes in those waters, I've learned that it can be both cathartic and releasing. By becoming more vulnerable I have found that in the process of doing so I have actually made myself emotionally stronger and grown in good ways. Still, there are some poems that are just too close to you to put out there. Best to let them simmer until a time presents itself, or not.

[cookala]

Digger T!! thank you for spending some time with my offerings this year - means a lot. glad you found something to enjoy here, too. I will get by to visit you soon. until then, NaPo on!

[cookala]

hi kristalynn! thanks so much for the flufferupper! means a lot. helps keep me motivated when I teeter on quitting. will be by soon.