Cursing into the Wind IFT

[Sorry]

Awesome thread Jenlars!The fire poems are well told and interesting, Fresh air was funny and Number 8 beautiful, but my favorites are 9-14. Happy NaPo, keep up the good work! Sorry

[JFN]

Jen, #1-#5 are all so dry, and very much of a singular voice. They are a nice little collection. Of them I think #1 was my favourite, followed by #4.

#6 made me grin. I like that mean could be read as either 'as a result of' or, the far more likely, 'unkind'.

Harsh description of post Easter dinner cousins in #7. Although there's no explicit description of those smells I can tell what you mean.

You get that sense of exhaustion across well in #8. The receding of the house makes the path seem so much longer. Enjoyed the splashes of colour with the pink house and yellow sunflowers.

#9-#14 are delightfully tangy, and carry that dog-tired irritable feeling though them. III is just perfect. Love it.

It's been good fun reading these.

John

[prokopton]

8.

The steps lead up from
the head of my bed.
I climb all night
and never make the top.
I wake up tired and sore.
My children are happy
in the gauzy pink house
that recedes like mountains
on the interstate.
Flowers burst from their own beds,
crowd the path, nearly block
my way. The kids
have picked a bouquet,
sunflowers the prize for this
endless climb.

Hi Jen,
loved your ekphrastic.
- the picture - I'm a Monet fan,
the story that involved the children, someone outside yourself,
the simile that took me on a road trip,
the imagery that complemented the picture,
your insights into a really nice painting.

Good job.

Gffoe

[Donner]

Hi, Jen,

Ramblings sometimes become more; yours resemble some of the notes/words/half-thoughts I jot down for later development. VI struck me in particular, it has the seeds that could yield a full-fledged poem.

Donner

[HowardM2]

The four "Statements" and the "Report" work nicely as a short sequence and the "Report" sums up by bringing in each of the four elements again. Nicely imagined. The "bad habit" piece is a perfectly fine lune; 13 syllables in 3 lines can be something a a challenge, can't it? "Fresh Air''s an interesting take on family gatherings. "8." is interesting particularly in its suggestion that only children can complete the climb. 9-14 really aren't particularly abstract; their specificity helps them to work; it'll be interesting to see what else you can do with the lune.

[Janet]

I absolutely think it's justified you count your first five that's really one as five. Really well done. Especially loved lightning and dirt. Love the voice throughout and dry wit. Found myself wanting more at the end of your thread. Left me thinking maybe you should count the first five as one but that's just me being selfish.