30 Pieces of the Past

[PClem]

Denise, I just adore this. They do something good to my insides. Dance Lessons is an amazing snapshot that reminds me, oddly enough of Roethke's My Papa's Waltz. Dance Like an Egyptian needs a bit of trimming, but this, too, has good bones. Magic Time - I'm a bit muddled about the sequence and meaning of what's going on here but the last strophe is fabulous. Daughter at Sea - Excellent metaphor and the line "I learned to stand straight on liquid layers" is stellar.

[DeniseD]

Thank you all for stopping by. Number 5 sounded like a good idea in my head (ha) but I'm out of time for tonight, so........

[DeniseD]

If I were brave, I'd perch on top
of the tall pine behind the church
so I could see the whole town.
I'd hook my toes around a branch,
let the breeze bend me right
then left. I'd let my hair stream
in the summer air like silver ribbons.

People would peer at me from behind
a tree or through a crack in the door.
The would wonder if the crazy woman,
or some mystical creature
was waiting for the right time
to attack.

But I'm not a bird on the lookout
for prey. I'm just looking
for women. Certain women.

Daughter's who may have slipped
and said "I hate you" to their dying parent.
Mothers who left the room before the nurse
started their daughter's chemo.

These women won't fear me,
they will gather under the tree
and listen to my song.

We are mother
We are daughter
We are human
We are divine

[shadygrove]

Love these Italian girls, grandmas, cousins. The first two are dazzling, especially. Those dance lessons. Can we get a poem about Grandpa? Why is he so mean? How is bocce?

[Mittens]

Hi Denise,

Your thread is humming along!

Dance Like an Egyptian is bittersweet. I like that they had their issues but the connection comes through, and is what N remembers in the end.

Magic Time - So the owner of the dog (I’m guessing N’s mother or father?) is ill (losing weight, needs another hole punched in their belt soon). Is N’s daughter there with them too? I’m seeing N and her daughter sitting with the parent like a kind of vigil and the dog sensing everyone’s pain and comforting them. I really like the last strophe, especially the line break at “fighting” which implies fighting the illness but also still feisty, still very much living. Not sure if that’s way off, but I enjoyed it.

Daughter at Sea is fantastic. Definitely a keeper! “I let salt seep through skin/to heart, brain, gut” is so strong. And the last strophe, that you can feel all that and love anyway. Powerful stuff.

Certain Women - Loved this one, too. S4 is amazing. In my mind, you can end it with S5 and it’s perfect.

Will definitely be back!
~Laura

[Janelo]

Hi Denise,

These poems are like loooking at old film reels of private moments. Daughter at Sea strikes me as the description of how the unconditional love between a mother and daughter can be tainted or altered by hurtful comments. Or at least the one that breaks the camel's back.

Soldier on through this familial terrain.

Jane

[MEHope]

Hello Denise,
Each of these poems has a mood and a layer that is intriguing, the specifics are wonderful but the underlying myth and meaning (family, self, society) moves them into exhilarating. My favorite this reading is Certain Women, but they all have great foundation.
Thanks and good luck~

[DeniseD]

White sheets blowing in the breeze,
children chasing butterflies
storm clouds closing in.

[DeniseD]

Thanks, Mittens, Janelo and MEhope I plan on spending some time reading and commenting this weekend.

[Dunc]

Denise

Magic Time - And the dog Nemo settles in the centre. Yup, very believable. And S3, which is subtle, well done and perhaps confessional.

Daughter at Sea - I take it N is the daughter here? An admiring poem, and comes across strongly.

Certain Women - a colourful vision, and an interesting perch from which to work the crowd. And you're completely right - we're all human.

The Space between Light and Dark - It all clicks together - masterful summary of the moment!

Fun to read your thread!

Regards / Dunc

[Emily Bronte]

Denise, its a real pleasure to read you again.

Your poems have a fresh direct voice that I find tremendously appealing. Certain Women, Magic Time, and Daughter at Sea are particular standouts for me so far.

Will be back for more.

Cheers,

Mari.

[JFN]

Denise, Dance Like an Egyptian portrays an compelling bully/victim relationship which, in spite of the issues, is overcome by dutiful cousinly love. The little secret memory is an excellent pivot for the story.

I like Nemo, looking for attention in Magic Time. It's an interesting concept and with a little work the time references could work really well.

And another relationship poem. I learned to stand straight / on liquid layers is oddly comprehensible. Possibly because of this phrase I misread S2 as walking 'on' water, but a second read cleared that up. Again, duty takes charge in the end.

Great conceit in Certain Women, gathering those who have missed the mark somehow. Not sure if the chant at the end works quite yet. As an experiment, what if you put one line of it indented in italics at each S break, so the song runs through the poem. Might not work, just a thought. And S2 L3: the(y)?

Nice images in ...Dark and Light.

Enjoyed this. Will be back again.

John

[DeniseD]

Thank you Dunc, Emily Bronte and John for stopping by.

[DeniseD]

One night, when I was fifteen,
I accidentally started the kitchen
on fire. "Out, out, out," my father yelled,
but I just stood there for a moment
longing to join the orange flames
stretching and leaping towards
anything and everything.

[DeniseD]

Sharing a blanket,
we watch fireworks turn
dark into light