30 Pieces of the Past

[Jee Leong]

I love the idea of all these lost women reassembling underneath a tree. "Fire" is shocking and beautiful. The last line is perfect.

[DeniseD]

I forgot how hard this is...... Jee, thanks for stopping by. I feel bad I haven't had time to make the rounds but I will try this week.


First Love Fucks You Up

Sometimes I close my eyes
and I’m fifteen again,
at the carnival with the long-haired
hippy with deep brown eyes.

My friends and I were walking
down Main Street in our hip hugger
jeans and high-heeled clogs,
giggling when the older boys
gawked and whistled.

I tripped right next to him.
When he helped me up
our eyes locked and I saw the moon
and the stars and all of time.
“Meet me at the ferris wheel
in 10 minutes,” he said.

When we were stopped on top,
he kissed my neck and nibbled my ear.
I inhaled the scent of him -- cotton candy,
old spice, and Prell. I don’t think either
of us said a word but it didn’t matter.

When the ride was over
he traced my lips with his tongue.
and whispered,“good by sweet thing,
you’re too young.”

I never saw him again,
but if I, a married grandma,
were to fold into him again,
I’d let him take me to the moon.

[5th column]

Hey Denise

I loved Certain Women with the exception of S4 which was a telly exception to the nicely shown rest.

Fire was simply excellent. The close especially.

First Love was an excellent retelling with the exception of the cliche of the moon and stars. Such a grand poem is deserving of better. I especially liked the folding. Very nice.

Great thread. Keep'em coming

[DeniseD]

Thanks, 5th Column for stopping by. Today was a struggle.

To My Children

Dear Surgeon, Administrator and Free Spirit:

I heard you guys talking
about me last night.
It was kind of you to blame
my blemished parenting
on the fact that I was a young
mother. But I want you all
to know that despite my
defects, you are who you are
because of me
and in spite of me.

Deal with it.

[Dunc]

Denise

Fire - Whence the phrase 'the fat's in the fire'. Like your sharp description of a moment untouched by common sense before reality snaps back.

Haiku - A complete scene in ten words, thus a fine example!

First Love Fucks You Up - Pausing only to check out 'Prell', I was intrigued all the way with this one. Your descriptions of Self and of Other are delicious, as is your closing declaration.

Dear Surgeon - Uh-huh. This one's perfectly clear too. Sic 'em, babe!

Great reading!

Regards / Dunc

[avalanche]

Too many to choose from....really. The one about Dance like an Egyptian stands out to me - First Love and Fire....dang. Just got something' in m'eye there.

[kristalynn]

Ah, yes, First Love Fucks You Up, a love story wonderfully told. I love the initial greeting in To My Children.

[DeniseD]

Braids

I needed my Mom to sit
me in the lawn chair
in the driveway and braid
my snarled mess
the way she twisted
my cousin Olivia's thick curls
into art.

"I wish you had hair like hers,"
she'd say. "Maybe I could
do something with it."

****
Every Saturday morning
I'd sit on the stool
in Grandma's sun room,
sometimes for over an hour,
while she combed
the knots out of my hair.
Once it was smooth, she'd
tie it back with a green ribbon
and take me to the candy store
for fireballs.

*****
My mother always said my grandmother
stole me from her, but the truth
is she gave me away
and I went willingly.

[Janelo]

Heya Denise.

That green ribbon with the fireballs.

Braids is a lovely poem.

Jane

[kristalynn]

Braids is wonderful!

[Blythe]

Hi Denise,
As someone who's going through some shit with her mom right now, this thread is hitting me in the feels.
I just read it all straight through. Some really tough and wonderful moments.

Blythe
"I'm not crying, you're crying!"

[DeniseD]

Thank you all for your kind words. I have to work tomorrow and it's late so this is what it is.

Mimi (Grandma Flo)

My cousin is always asking,
do you remember when Mimi said this or that,
or took us here or there,
or gave us one toy or another.

I don’t remember those things, but I do remember
a kitchen that smelled like peanuts and chocolate,
knitting needles,
a woman who let me go to Grandma’s in the middle of the night —
her night, because I had a bad dream,
silver hair,
an aluminum Christmas tree with a color wheel,
a woman who put the color wheel in front of the TV and pretended it was a color TV
soft hands
crocheted Barbie clothes
a grandmother who didn't judge her pregnant teenage granddaughter

I remember her.

[billdozer]

I don't know if you are writing directly from your life or imagining realistic micro-fictions. Either way they are fully realized stories that hold their own as poems, whatever poems are. I envy your compact execution and the illusion of ease. What a productive April you are having, thanks for the reads.

[Dunc]

Denise

Braids - I was reading that as a simple recollection of young days, and enjoying it as such, till I got to the swish in the tail. Nicely done.

Mimi - That's a heck of a recollection, a well-managed incremental list, and of course the punchline, which again stops the show. Very warm.

A pleasure to read your thread.

Regards / Dunc

[DeniseD]

Thank you Billdozer and Dunc.

Grandpa

black boots in the hallway,
flannel shirt hung over a chair
pipe on the dining room table