30 Pieces of the Past

[DeniseD]

a leaf midair is still
as the concrete angel
in my garden

logic tells me it's caught
in a spider web
but I choose to believe

in magic

[Donner]

Hi, Denise,

Don't fluff-fret, you're not alone.

"First Love Fucks You Up" - Yes, yes it does. And we take the memory to our grave. You have a way with these small slices of life, they're evocative and universal and ring true which causes the reader to reflect back on their own similar experiences. While this could use some editing (and what NaPo draft doesn't), the story and sentiment are there - the freedom of a carnival, the excitement and danger of leaving friends to meet a boy, probably for the first time, the scent of him, the let-down, the yearning that stays with N.

"To My Children" - There comes a time. "blemished parenting" is just right.

"Mimi" - What makes this for me is the shift from the superficial things the cousin remembers about Mimi to the very personal and poignant memories N has of her.

Donner

[DeniseD]

In a blue, green and white preschool
painting, my granddaughter named "Mommy",
I saw:

Creatures trying to grab a young child
hiding in her mother’s torn skirt.

A mother stretched so tall
her head almost reached the clouds,
left fist ready to strike,
right hand reaching for light.

[DeniseD]

Catch up is a bitch....

[DeniseD]

My father-in-law trims
his wife’s roses before
they finish blooming.

The plants in my husband’s
garden grow wild.

[DeniseD]

One day I wore my aunt’s too long brown skirt
and my cousin’s gold ruffled shirt to school.
I braided my hair and wrapped the braids
over my ears like headphones.

That day in the lunch line I asked for milk
like I did most days.

“Love your hair and that maxi skirt
is wild,” you said.

“You gave me American Chop Suey
and milk winked and only charged
me 15 cents.

That night I let my brother
have my meatball.

[Dunc]

Grandpa - He seems a particularly rugged specimen, from your fine shortlist of information. Minimalism nicely done.

You Decide - Okay, I'll decide - definitely magic, but remember to duck under the web as you pass. Clever image.

Mommy - Cripes! Not the most snug of images, more the protective but perhaps remote mistress of the storm. And reliable. Now I'm wondering what N made of it.

Catch up is a bitch.... - A minimalist masterpiece, an exquisite summary of the human condition!

Stunted Growth - I was never a gardener, so now you have me wondering how to respond - does S2 refer to a Good Thing or a Bad Thing? I'll go with good, roses are roses and free is free. Hope I got that right!

For the Southington High Lunch Lady - Great story, and what a picture! - and a warm tribute to a quasi-stranger.

Hang in, babe: the winning post will be sliding into view any week now!

Regards / Dunc

[DeniseD]

Thanks Dunc, for the kind words.

[DeniseD]

When my father wasn’t traveling
he’d let me stay up late
to watch the Outer Limits with him.
I knew by the way my mother tapped
her nails on the kitchen counter
that she didn’t like it. After all,
I was only eight. But she didn’t fight
him on this one.

Sometimes I’d pretend to be scared.
I’d take a deep breath and bury my head
in his shoulder. I’d breathe out the smell
of Jean Nate, hairspray and strawberries
and breath in Irish Spring, Lucky Strikes
and Budweiser.

[DeniseD]

I met Arlene in eighth grade --
two pig-tailed girls who still liked
to ride bikes and play baseball
with boys.

We were inseparable for a while;
school night sleepovers, padded
bras, kilt skirts, saddle shoes,
concerts, crushes, broken
hearts.

Billy came along end of sophomore year.
He introduced me to Led Zeppelin,
skip days, pot and hickeys.

Arlene and I would pass in the halls,
silently acknowledge each other
with a slight head nod or half smile.

[kristalynn]

Wonderful image and message in You Decide.

[anenome]

Some fascinating and vibrant poems here Denise, First Love, Braids, Mimi and You Decide among my favourites, Outer Limits for its atmosphere!

[Emily Bronte]

Denise--You Decide is beautifully done. You are still going strong over here!

[GreaterMandalaofUselessness]

Hi Denise,

I'm really glad I've finally caught up with your thread. I've really enjoyed this selection of memories, and hints at back-stories as yet untold that make we want to know more.

Dance like an Egyptian is a strong poem, with memories of a shared childhood set off a against troubled adulthood and death, with reader left to wonder at possible connections between the two.
I read Daughter at sea as about a daughter becoming independent which sounds like it was a challenge, learning "to stand straight / on liquid layers" -- or at least to keep her feet. I enjoy the imagery here, the way you literalise the title and run with it. Love the stormy ocean imagery, and the daughter unafraid, letting the salt seep in, and the the shift back to the commonplace for the ending.

Certain women The confessional S4 really makes this poem for me, though I enjoyed the crazy woman up the tree. I'm not sure if you need the final stanza. I think S5 might make a stronger ending.

First love fucks you up Love the romantic wistfulness of the ending, which the title didn't have me expecting. The "take me to the moon" works well as going above and beyond the top of the Ferris wheel.

Braids the mothers and grandmothers differing attitudes to the N's hair say it all. The mother wishes for something different and doesn't try; the grandmother works with what's in front of her.

Mommy works particularly well in the context of the preceding poems, which help me see the unspoken contrast to the N's relationship with her mother. Love the imagery of the powerful mother, so tall, one hand reaching for light, the other ready to strike. On my first read I say "strike" and "light" and imagined "lighting", as if she were a god, sending out bolts to destroy the monsters.

Stunted growth that first stanza provides a wonderful metaphor. I read it as something like he doesn't give her space to fully flower. I'm not so clear on how the comparison works in the S2. Is it because the N pays no attention to her husband, or that she, the N, is in her husbands garden, and he pays no attention to her?

For the Southington High Lunch Lady - I'm guessing her look didn't get such a great response from everyone. Great close. Love how the N reciprocates the generosity.

Great thread. Much enjoyed.

Matt

[Janelo]

Denise,

The voice in your poems is just so direct. The way a kid just says what's on his mind no matter how it comes across. The family vignettes have a no nonsense approach that is still infused with compassion.

This image might come right out of the world of which you speak:



Jane