Might

[Wolfgang the Eremite]

I had to take a picture of the piece because I could not format it properly in a post.

[Sorella]

Pen mightier than the sword? Cool!

Sorella

[Emmelinechen]

I really enjoyed this poem. It's thought provoking and refreshing. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I found it interesting.

[Wolfgang the Eremite]

Thank you, Sorella and Emmelinechen!

[Sparrow]

So it’s a shape poem in the shape of two swords. The sword on the left is the “before” sword, then the words “penpen” in the middle come flying through the air to break or bend the sword into the shape it is in at right (“after” sword), giving a sort of rudimentary picture of “the pen is mightier than the sword.”

A couple of things made it a little difficult to figure it out at first:

The shape of the poem, with basically two columns and a little blurb in the middle, makes it unclear whether the reader is supposed to read down or across.

When I saw “penpen” in the middle of the top line, the first thought that came into my head was the penguin character in the Japanese TV animation series Evangelion, whose name happens to be Pen Pen. Other readers may not have this problem.

I was also slightly confused at first by your name at the bottom until I realized it was your name, not part of the poem.

Neat idea, though at present there is not really anything about this poem that makes it something that inherently has to be conveyed in poetry, in words, rather than, for example, a photograph of a whole sword and a bent sword, with a pen flying through the air and breaking/bending the bent sword, which would convey the exact same idea.

If you wanted to take this idea and take it to the next level, one possible suggestion would be to make the words/letters of the poem into actual realistic silhouettes rather than the stick-figures they are now, so that a reader can look at the shape and figure out what it is without having to read the words first, and then instead of having the words just tell the reader “this is the blade of the sword” or “this is the hilt of the sword,” have them actually say . . . something.

Although there’s the ever-present danger of falling into the territory of being a mere gimmick, I do think that it is possible to make a serious poem that says something significant in the form of a shape poem. I gave an assignment of writing shape poems to a high school creative writing class one time, and some students wrote poems that actually said things, as poetry, and in addition to that were also in shapes that tied into the subject matter of the poem, cherry trees shedding their blossoms, or rocket ships disintegrating into space. Or there's Herbert's "Easter Wings," which says something while also being in a shape that has an intrinsic relationship to the content of the poem.

[Wolfgang the Eremite]

Thank you so much, Sparrow, for the detailed critique! It's very helpful!

P.S. I absolutely loved Neon Genesis Evangelion, but hadn't thought of Pen Pen the penguin. Nice catch!

[Louisa Lander]

hello Wolfgang

A good deal of the pleasure I got from your poem was in the initial delay in recognizing what was going on here. My first response was one of delight at the freshness of presentation ....and perspective. I was confused by penpen appearing in the upper centre, but looking at it again I'm reading penpen as the victor.... an unexpected way to place your conclusion to the ancient quandary. The sword, as you've shown is capable of making a direct kill, but it's mischievous that you made the oblique pen appear flaccid, when we all know the power of the oblique!

it's a pity this is being analyzed. The picture says it all.

Thanks for sharing.

[SP Singer]

Hello.

I love this visual poem! I'd looked at and wandered off on the forum and while away, thought, "funny how "hithithithithit...." could as well be "hilthilthilthilthilt...." then came back to see it was! Nice one. I love that the visual on the left is a tiny bit lower on the screen/page/canvas etc. It's the kind of detail and artist cares about. The combined word "penpen" sounds like I should have been saying it all my life. I like that it appears 2 places, for a better introduction, and also that in the middle of the page it seems a little awkward and small/outcast, rather than centered, as it actually is. The red underlining of horizontal words is a great detail too, bringing to mind mistakes, and perhaps, blood, and perhaps, just a nice off-setting color.
Thanks for this fine encouragement and victory! sp