I, too, Turn and Twist (IFT)

[Dunc]

Brian

Warmly told tale of humans and music and gathering, life and death and our common humanity ─ a thing you do well.

Strangely, when I first glanced at your photo of Jay I was instantly reminded of someone I've met, but I'm still trying to put a name and occasion to it.

Regards / Dunc

[shaula]

That's a lovely tribute, Brian. I also enjoyed the two performances. It's funny, but music is ... so many small worlds.

peace~shaula

[GreaterMandalaofUselessness]

Hi Brian,

I enjoyed your take on the corona virus. A welcome change from what what I usually read about. Corona virus as a super power, testing positive as positive. Nice subtle pun on Marvel/marvel too.

Mistaken Identity is a touching elegy. I found the reprise of the mistaken identity theme - the wishing that it had been - very effective.

Great start to the week. Looking forward to the reading the rest.

Matt

[Scrow]

Hi BrianIsSmiling,

Mistaken Identity brings me a picture of a person I'd have liked to have known - it brings me into someone else's world without this feeling manipulative or awry. It reads truthful, and, in a strange way, hopeful (which is what we all maybe need). Again, thank-you for the pictures. I really like that you have pictures. Your poem is making me think about the purpose of an elegy in a different way. Immediate, human, meaningful - not just some detached parade of 'good things listed' about a famous person. I'm also sorry you lost a friend.

Sarah

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Thanks, Dunc, Shaula, Matt, Sarah.

I read the poem for Jay at an informal musical memorial for him last night, having written it earlier that day, and it brought many to tears who knew him. I received numerous requests for copies, as well as being on the receiving end of many hugs and handshakes, and a kiss on the cheek from a man (another musician) as his wife stood by, overtaken with emotion. They had planned a fundraiser for Jay and his family on March 29, but he did not make it that far. One never knows.
-------------------
Snare the Moon



The Moon shines bright and distant, but
the branches of the trees can snare its flame,
though lunar light is dimmer than
the best that I had hoped, and branches blur.

The trade-off made is common now--
"convenient" is chosen over "perfect".
One can't complain of tiny flaws--
of iPhone indiscretions without cause,

without some small concessions, too:
such photographs are born of modern tech--
and with them we can Instagram
and Facebook, learning quickly ways to hide



the mundane world outside the frame.
And some hide flaws with Photoshop--not I--
but still I try to frame the shot
as if I were a master of the pen.

With some small skill I hide these truths:
the Moon shines over asphalt-covered streets--
the branches of the trees, which snare
the Moon, hide gas pumps and convenience stores--

the cars and buses stop and go,
exhaling fumes that walkers, such as I,
must then inhale. But this is life,
and I embrace it whole, with all its flaws.



---

BrianIs AtYou

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Inspired by ruminations whilst fluffing Scrow's latest.
---
By the By

Although it seems I write an awful lot,
I feel as if I've fallen in a rut.

And, fearful that it's all a load of shit,
I question, and I quarrel, and I fret.

Like Lennon writing something for Side Two,
or Gandalf greeting Bilbo one fine day,

"Good morning!" they both said, and--by the by--
I scribble in an easygoing way.

It fills the pages quickly, as you see,
and masks the fact there's nothing more to say.

---
BrianIs AtYou

[Dunc]

Brian

Snare the Moon ─ Your photo reminds me of Sam Neill's splendid Dog in Dean Spanley, who knew that the moon was wholly untrustworthy, having neither sound nor smell, and therefore had to be driven away by barking.

Your question about perfection vs close-enough also reminds me of editing and annotating a couple of decades of family photos one time, several thousand of the durners; quality (once achieved) is much easier to handle that quantity, I can tell ya. And Photoshop was my friend and strong right arm throughout.

But ─ great pics, engaging philosophy.

By the By ─
I note your repentence.
Have you tried the American Sentence?
And its ancestor too
the haiku?

Regards / Dunc

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Thanks, Dunc. I am not familiar with Dean Spanley. Something to look up.

Your comments on Photoshop with respect to a large project are well taken, and I agree with its usefulness in such ventures.

I have tried the American Sentence, most recently last Napo (2019).

I have done many haiku, either individually or using it as a stanza form (along with Tanka).

More to come.

BrianIs AtYou

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Snare the Moon (Tanka Remix)



The Moon shines, distant
and bright, and tree branches snare
its dim lunar light,
fading in the branches blur.
It's not the best I'd hoped for.

This common trade-off--
one chooses what is "easy"
rather than "perfect".
One must ignore tiny flaws,
small iPhone indiscretions.

Some small concessions
are made, when photographing
using modern tech.
We Instagram and Facebook,
learning quickly ways to hide



the drab, mundane world
outside the frame. And some hide
flaws with Photoshop--
not I--I seek to master
shots as if with ink and pen.

My skill hides these truths:
moonlit, asphalt-covered streets--
tree limbs that snare the Moon,
hiding gas pumps and checkouts.
Cars and buses stop and go,

exhaling fumes that
I and other walkers breathe--
inhaling death's air.
Life and death embraced as one--
Snare the Moon, with all its flaws.



---

BrianIs AtYou

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

The Enemy of All
(after https://www.newsweek.com/syrians-for...ar-sun-1481886 )



In Syria, they fear the sun.
The bombs come down when skies are clear.
It matters not who lost, who won--
the enemy of all is fear.

Old FDR had words for this:
that fear alone was what to fear--
not gun, nor bomb, nor Judas kiss--
nor should we shed a single tear

for anything but this, our fear.
His words don't match the world today,
where truths become so hard to hear.
Truth masquerades as lies, we say.

We do not want to stop and hear--
"In Syria, they fear the sun.
The bombs come down when skies are clear.
It matters not who lost, who won--

the enemy of all is fear."

---

BrianIs AtYou

---
Image used with poem "The Enemy of All" is used under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International license, which allow reuse and modification with attribution.
See https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en
Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/F...Manchester.png
Original: https://archive.org/details/IFBAntifaManchester

[Scrow]

Hi BrianIsSmiling,

I like your photographs in "Snare the moon' and the remix. There's a great deal talked about photography and reproduction - I always go back to Benjamin and 'The Work of Art in the age of Mechanical Reproduction which is a classic art-school text and needs to be read as such - it needs locating in its time and ideologies- but I reckon it still holds wisdom. But that's just me. I like how you aren't photoshopping the images, and I reckon that brings them an inherent strength.

I can't write like you - immediate, warm, equivocal, and good to read out loud. I reckon we're just different kinds of poets who may or may not respect each others work (I respect yours But what's right for me isn't right for you. I read you (if it helps) as a protest poet from a not-too-far-off-middle-centre space that is able to write with humanity and understanding without becoming rammed up its own arse in ideologies of protest-from-the-margins. Something that 'The Enemy of All' reinforces - and it's formal, and clever - but it also has a heart, which is important. In my reading, your work has form put to the service of lyrical, not the other way around.

Sarah

[Dunc]

Brian

The Enemy of All is both philosophically resonant with your approach, and a neat and concise piece of poem-making. A good look.

Regards / Dunc

[JFN]

Brian, I'm loving A New Marvel. I have the displeasure of travelling into London twice a week where you would expect the histeria to be rife, but it's the shops where I live in the South West that are out of toilet roll and soap (and what use is holding all the soap if it means your neighbour can't wash their hands?). The comic book and cartoon references poke fun at the situation, and the positive spin at the end is delightful. A joy indeed.


A beautiful elegy there for Jay. The character of the man instantly comes across in the extended hand at the first meeting; a lesser person would have turned their back instead. Coming back to the idea of mistaken identity works really well, and I like the fact that his voice can still be heard by those who were fortunate to hear it before his passing.


I prefer the tanka version of Snare the Moon I think. In S1 for example it brings the bright / light rhyme forward a little, and the line breaks work better for me. The close brings us to a worthwhile consideration.


By the By makes me feel better. I'm struggling to produce anything this week while you turn these lovely pieces out, so some admission that you're even slightly unsure is nice to hear. Still, you say it well.


The Enemy of All is an excellent poem – nothing out of place, current and relevant to all in one way or another.


John

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Thanks, Scrow. Your characterization of my poetry as "immediate, warm, equivocal, and good to read out loud" is something that has grown, to the extent that what you say is true, from years of writing, especially through the crucibles of NaPo and Sevens, and years of reading out loud, either at open mics or as a featured poet--and as a long-time host of readings, or merely a listener at times.

One learns what works and what does not, and for me, it is always the hypothetical (very probably soon-to-be-real) listener in the audience that I am always thinking of. Even when I am "writing for myself", I strive to make my language and meaning accessible to the listener (more so than for the reader, although the reader will benefit thereby)--but there are concessions to the reader as well, with regard to things like tone of voice, which the written word cannot readily convey without a careful choice of words and phrases.

With regard to your own work, I am enjoying your explorations. I get the sense that you are still honing your craft--we all are--and you are undertaking a deep task with your references to older works. I think I had referred to the idea of a palimpsest. I worked on my Hokusai project for ten years, and I learned much (but not how to get such a project published). I am still learning. I look forward to seeing where your present project will lead you.

Dunc, thanks for the good words on "The Enemy of All". The idea had been percolating, since I had seen the article that I linked I was fearful that using something like iambic tetrameter with rhyme would cheapen the emotion, and had bounced the opening phrases around for a while in my head. I found the circular approach to the narrative amenable to calming the fear of cheapening things. If anything, the metrical and rhyming formality now intensifies the emotion.

Thanks, JFN. Your comments are spot on, as usual. I agree with you on the tanka version of "Snare the Moon". This is the kind of thing to which I was referring in "By the By". I had written "Snare the Moon" in an alternating meter--couplets in which the first line is iambic tetrameter, second is iambic pentameter--the couplets then paired in quatrains. Sometimes I do this with photographs, calling it my 8x10 meter, as an in-joke.

However, one often makes compromises to meter. Things can be cut or padded to fit the needs of the line--nothing too drastic--no forced meter or rhyme, but maybe a sense of wordiness, a lack of conciseness. I had honed my skill with syllabics, such as haiku and tanka, over ten years of working on my Hokusai project (as I noted above), and I treat the choosing of words, especially for line breaks, in such forms as absolutely critical. You can get some padding or cutting of words to fit the syllable count there as well (just as one might pad or cut to fit the meter in iambic lines). One example of such is the addition of "drab" before "mundane" in the tanka version. But I chose the word to enhance the meaning. I also fleshed out "pen and ink" in the tank version over what I had said in the earlier version. There are a number of such changes. The tanka version has more bite, and the epigrammatic nature of the ending is stronger.

I am tempted to do other rewrites.

• Limerick stanzas.
• Trochaic lines, or anapestic, or dactyls.
• loose narrative with free lines and stanzas of a given length, as with "A New Marvel" and "Mistaken Identity".
• straight free verse with no breaks, like stream of consciousness

I find it is too easy, in Sevens, to fall into a narrow channel. The desire to change that was the genesis for "By the By".

I'm working on a new syllabic (six syllables per line, five lines per stanza). We'll see what comes of that.

BrianIs AtYou

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Soap Opera, Doc?

"Stand back!" Her hand raised
in anger--or was it fear
of Covid-19?
The new "Soap Opera, Doc?"--
or whiffs of old lovers' tiffs?

---

BrianIs AtYou