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Thread: If hindsight is 2020. . .

  1. #76
    lauriene is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Thanks for popping by, Sarah! Onwards, indeed!

    Here's a masterpiece (LOL just kidding...I just wrote it and it needs major work) *snort*


    The Gazebo on the Riverbank

    When people aren’t gathered here, doing drugs
    or drinking, we stop our bikes. I sit on the bench
    out of the sun, as my daughter stays perched
    on her bikeseat, one foot on pedal, one tiptoeing
    the gravel. We take in the breeze and watch
    the river lengthen and widen
    as she tells me the latest tea. Her stories
    are less and less about things she wants
    and things she wants to do, like panda onesies
    and constant gymnastics, and more and more
    about her river of relationships as she navigates
    the flood waters of her teenage years.
    I point out that while the river
    will always rise and change the landscape
    for a while and wash away the debris,
    that all these birch and poplar trees around us
    somehow don’t die, but thrive
    and the willow trees will continue to weep

    and that, despite the river’s endless efforts,
    sandbars don’t succumb to the mountains.
    She nods and rolls her eyes because she thinks
    I’m changing the subject, and we ride on.

    It is possible that poetry is possible but not my poetry. - Eugene Oshtashevsky

  2. #77
    Sorella is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Lauriene,

    So sad, Eddie is a fine elegy, concentrated yet dignified, says more about N which is neat.

    Gazebo, a classy title with a conversation handled in a classy way! N does a good job.

    Sorella

  3. #78
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    Hi, Lauriene,

    "Gazebo" - Really good writing (despite your protest) about a mother-daughter relationship and how it's changed over the years as the daughter grows up. You use the setting of a river and its ability to change the landscape to very good effect. The ending is just right. I have a hunch that the daughter does understand her mother's reference, but, as teenagers are wont to do, won't admit it.

    Donna
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  4. #79
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    Hi Lauriene,

    I agree with Sorella and Donna - Gazebo is one of your best this month, I think - with those lovely tangible details like the onesie, both landscape and conversation part of a seemingly effortless metaphor. Really nice, light-touch, refined and thoughtful work.

    Sarah

  5. #80
    Dunc is offline but say it is my humour
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    lauriene

    Millennials ─ has a sharp point but a broad blade. And yes, may they never know.

    Eddie ─ and despair and depression. Death by suicide points back at family and friends in a clawing way disease or accident don't.

    The Gazebo ─ beautifully told, beautiful moral, but who knows but it's not stored in there for later reference?

    Powerful subjects, powerful writing, as usual.

    Regards / Dunc

  6. #81
    alondra is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Hi lauriene - I like your Sevenling (first time I´ve seen the form!) about Hitler. Isn´t "heils Hitler" 2 words?

  7. #82
    lauriene is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Thank you, Ladies and Dunc! Appreciate the comments.

    New School (or Stay Sane)

    I use my teacher voice to pull my teenage
    student-daughter out of her basement reverie
    as my grade four student-daughter drags herself
    out of her unicorn bedding and pads
    to the dining room table, wrapped in her quilt,
    her frazzled braids keeping rats nests away.
    They put on their glasses, glare
    at the sight of each other and listen
    to their real teachers’ recorded voices.
    Soon enough they will look to me,
    albeit unappreciatively, for my algebraic genius.
    As I clean the house and organize
    my brain for the day, and, rounding the corner
    from the bathroom, Lysol in hand,
    watch the grade four’s face squelch up
    into the first cry of the day, I realize all hope hinges
    on them having a different teacher next year.

    It is possible that poetry is possible but not my poetry. - Eugene Oshtashevsky

  8. #83
    lauriene is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    blossoms meander
    confetti from the orchards
    in seasonal streams
    It is possible that poetry is possible but not my poetry. - Eugene Oshtashevsky

  9. #84
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    Eddie the Cab Driver - much in here to like. I particularly like "in love with my grief."
    The Gazebo on the Riverbank - the river makes a fitting metaphor for the teenage years. Reminds me of a poem Dorianne Laux wrote about her teenage daughter.
    New School - oh Lord, yes. I pity all parents of schoolage kids right now.

  10. #85
    lauriene is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Thank you PClem.

    Trying to catch up with some of these. I figure if I post two a day between now and the end I might be almost there. Haha.

    The Blond with Black Pearls

    Her mother in law’s strand of black pearls
    from the Tahitian islands broke from her neck
    on the dock. While the pearls spilled and scattered
    into the turquoise water with a barely a splash
    most of them hid nowhere.
    She applies mascara,
    searches her eyes
    in the mirror, finds four more.

    It is possible that poetry is possible but not my poetry. - Eugene Oshtashevsky

  11. #86
    lauriene is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Being Prepared

    A flood flash fills the stairwell faster
    than it can drain as my hipwadered husband
    stacks sandbags against the basement
    and garage doors. The kids watch the river
    rise and breach
    from the balcony
    with the anticipation of Christmas morning.
    They watch Dad ready the canoe, fill it
    with life-jackets and paddles and bottled water
    as I take the chicken out of the oven.
    It is possible that poetry is possible but not my poetry. - Eugene Oshtashevsky

  12. #87
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    What I notice as I read through your poems is that they seem steeped in poetry as story/narrative. There is a sense of the older tradition of campfire capture of the audience. I picked the poem below as it begins with that “everyone and their dog” inclusivity. I like how the voice in these works conversational tone and community stories do include us. I particularly love the ending of this poem where you can say “And then it’s over, forbidden, tragic”— and every reader can relate to human love. Of course it only works as it is deflected into “dog” story.

    Well done and keep going!


    Quote Originally Posted by lauriene View Post
    Thanks guys! I appreciate the feedback. Here's one from my hike today. *shrug*

    Social Distancing with a Dog

    Everyone and their dog comes around the bend
    between hills covered with dust and sagebrush
    and you mutter words you haven’t heard
    since your dad dropped his car on his thumb in ‘84.
    You put her on leash. She pulls you along
    like she’s a husky and you’re a bobsled.
    Your fingers burning and heart twisting
    toward the sky, peaceful warrior,
    you tempt her with the weiner
    in your pocket. “Heal”, you say,
    “good liver and l’onions...are you a purebred
    English springer spaniel or are you part blue healer?”
    She considers your ridiculous question
    only because it's you asking it,
    but she’s more dog-driven, thanks. She turns
    to the pulling labradoodle passing on the right
    and lunges like a sockeye salmon
    against current in the Skookumchuck Narrows. The doodle
    lunges back. They make a connection of noses.
    They are in love! And then it’s over, forbidden, tragic.

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  13. #88
    lauriene is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Interesting comment, Barbara Jean. Probably true of my poetry in general. Thanks for your thoughtfulness : )
    It is possible that poetry is possible but not my poetry. - Eugene Oshtashevsky

  14. #89
    Dunc is offline but say it is my humour
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    lauriene

    New School ─ Oh dear. Oh my goodness. Cripes. Yes, good luck with that!

    blossoms as the confetti of Spring ─ lovely thought!

    The Blond with Black Pearls ─ Hmm, maybe that's not a compliment after all. Losing one's m mother-in-law's pearls, yes, that may have consequences.

    Being Prepared ─ Gee! The real thing right up to the house ... good luck with that too!

    And with the rest of the last week!

    Regards / Dunc

  15. #90
    JFN is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Laurienne, I must admit to not being 100% sure of your The slope… AS. My fault I'm sure.

    That sevenling is a story all in itself. I really like the opening line.

    Child Abuse packs one hell of a punch with that closing line. It's a vivid poem but not overdone at all. I would say it is possible to like who you are without liking the events that have shaped you, but for the voice of the poem, and with the immediate Right!, it works well.

    ...with a Dog captures a great moment. I feel sorry for them at the end, being denied love, but we must all stick to the rules I suppose.

    The ...Tree Pose sevenling works really well with the two contrasting images of people in their surroundings. Nice work.

    I outride… works equally well to the form. Lovely sounds and some strong images in this one.

    Millennials… made me smile; the things we'll never know. We just wait in anticipation of internet purchase deliveries instead.

    Eddie the Cab Driver makes for a memorable poem. in love with my grief is a nice phrase. Plenty of concrete imagery too.

    My daughter is currently seven, and I am already dreading the teenage years. I'll try and remember the metaphor from Gazebo… when the time comes, it works really nicely. Certainly one of my favourites of yours this month.

    Ah, the joys of homeschooling. I can relate to this, and you've put it on the page well. We're having similar issues and yes, some days my sanity is hanging from a thread by 10:00am.

    The meandering of blossoms on the breeze makes a nice seasonal haiku. Lovely image.

    The black pearls against turquoise water make a nice contrast. The mascara as black pearls in the eyes, as I'm reading it, makes a good closing image.

    I'm often thankful to be living on top of a hill. I like how the everyday of cooking chicken continues in Being Prepared, and the excitedness of the children who may not be fully aware of the impending upheaval.

    Pleased to catch up on your work.

    John
    Poetry is everywhere; it just needs editing.
    James Tate

    johnnewson.com

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