Aarrgghh!!

[Scrow]

Hi,

I like 'followed' very much (but then, I like cats). 'Green Stars' is a beautiful pairing of words, and 'glimpse' is great - I like the image of the boot and the image of the limping traveller, as if I'm at the start of some weird saga which may involve Sherlock Holmes in some way: The Mystery of the Single Wellington.

Sarah

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

HowardM2

"Small Song: Succession" - a 3 line syllabic. Simple, yet robust, in its imagery, that gives a sense of time and change within its small vista.

"Small Song: Bouquet" - this shares the Moon image with the previous, and the sense of change is still present, especially in the final line, anticipating "what will come."

"Small Song: Followed" - nice. Someone had a video (I think on Reddit) about such a cat, getting spooked by its own following feet/

"Small Song: Glimpse" - The line break on line 1 suggests a dual meaning. A story told in mud and rubber.

This small song is a little bigger. It must be a challenge to achieve maximum compression. I find that a temptation right now, as a large part of my output in NaPo has gone the opposite way, telling small stories in long narratives. But what you have done is to compress that implied "epic" into a few suggestive short lines.

"Small Song: Fuliginous" - loaded with imagery, but tending to impressionism in intent. Rain, the images of things "blurred out / of recognition / clarity obscured". There was some wag, I forget who, who said that the highest point of any art was when it was capable of achieving an impressionistic effect.

Keep writing!

BrianIs AtYou

[HowardM2]

Thanks, Sarah and Brian; I do appreciate the time you've taken to read and comment.

[HowardM2]

"Small Song: Playlist"

The harsh skreerk of wiper blades
on an insufficiently wet windshield --
soundtrack of a pizza run.

[M]

Not quite as annoying as nails on a chalkboard, but it's in my top 4 just below metal fork scraping against teeth. You've captured it well, but I could tolerate it if I knew there would be pizza at the end.

[HowardM2]

Thanks, M; I always appreciate the comments.

No fluffing today; further behind. mea culpa

[HowardM2]

"Small Song: Transmutation"

Windplucked, pear blossoms
shatter, shed petals that gleam
like fish scales, like mica,
metallic in moonlight.

[Dunc]

Howard

Followed is a wicked curse to place on a moggy!

Glimpse is Holmesian in its convincing precision. Dear me, that poor wanderer, going off half-shod, as they say.

Fuliginous is a great word ─ thanks! I was duly rewarded when I'd unpacked your last line. Fine image.

Playlist is beautifully put. In the southern hemisphere they go kreerks of course, but the moral is the same.

Transmutation is vivid and pear blossoms are indeed particularly beautiful.

Small poems, large pleasures.

Regards / Dunc

[PClem]

Sheltered is beautiful in lamenting what was lost and the ending - all that's free, can be read several ways, encapsulating the sorrow of what is given up.
Walk - emptiness made palpable
Snack - I like the image of mice nibbling away at memory
Bouquet - funeral image of cold, white irises brought inside for "what will come."
Glimpse - I encounter a lot of lost shoes and socks on my daily walk, wonder at the stories behind the loss. And you write a poem about the drama and tragedy of the loss.
Playlist - that awful sound the wipers make, made into song? Only you could do that, Howard.

[Scrow]

Hi,

I am doing fly-by's tonight. I love 'Transmutation'. I like the idea that things/objects change meaning depending on how we portray them anyway (and they do change their shape depending on how we see them). This poem embodies that - the blossom's shattering (lovely word, different in the context, showing the fragility of blossom) and turning to fish scales, and the scales turning to mica.

I love the 'c' sounds in the last two lines, also, bringing the transformation alive.

Sarah

[HowardM2]

Thanks, everyone; I appreciate your investment of time and thought as always.

Some fluffing today, but not as much as I needed to catch up. And not much working well, either, but here's a something, sort of.

[HowardM2]

"Small Song: Sundered"

Regulus, Capella, Pollux --
orphaned by thick though broken clouds,
purpose lost with place and relation,
adrift, bright, but without role
in any larger scheme of things.

[Tony Hoffman]

I like these Small Songs a lot, Howard. Short, with a real economy of words combined with often surprising imagery make them feel almost Haiku/Tankaish but often with a wry, ironic, or profound twist. Favorites include Followed (I recently saw a video of a cat's unusual motion), Glimpse (maybe that ditch is to boots like the mythical place where missing unpaired socks end up), Fuliginous (the leaves are the green stars?), Playlist (perfect!), Transmutation (beautiful imagery and nice similes), and Sundered (when the pattern is broken, the stars have to stand on their own, our frame of reference shattered).

[Jee Leong]

Howard, "Playlist" combines sound and story very economically. "Transmutation" has a fine finish: "metallic in moonlight." The light in the dark, the hard in the soft. "Sundered" is sad. "Orphaned" is the perfect word to set up the conclusion.

[HowardM2]

Thanks, Tony and Jee; I always value your comments.