Autumn Thoughts

[Cameron Clark]

I particularly enjoyed the first line here, especially the break on "blackberry", so that the line can be read as a free unit of thought without the other two, as the title or theme for the poem.


Hope this helps.

[Scrow]

Hi,

Blackberry is lovely, with many readings - but what I enjoy most is the noticing and recognition of small details - that blackberry leaves turn red at their edges after the first frost.

Sarah

[JoKingly]

Seeing the pattern emerging across i and ii, I can now better appreciate how the balmier image of dew on moss is "at odds with time." The reddening leaves around a sole blackberry was also evocative.

I'm looking forward to seeing what else we'll find down this river.

[JFN]

Howard, this observation of the blackberry leaves is reall very nice indeed. The first line break is perfect.


John

[HowardM2]

Thanks again, all. Running behind as usual, but I'll have time tomorrow to start catching up; sorry for the delay.

[HowardM2]

iii

Chrysanthemums yield
to the wind,
shivering at dusk.

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

Another gem.

The extreme edits might be

Chrysanthemums / wind / dusk.

alternatively

yield / to / shivering

depending on if one's focus is on things or actions.

Combining them deftly, as you have done here, with minimal filler (only three words are not verbs or nouns [to, the, at]) is a gift.

BrianIs AtYou

[Cameron Clark]

The ambiguity of "shivering at dusk" (it could apply to the wind, the flowers, both), is well wrought, Howard.

Hope this helps.

[Scrow]

Hi Howard,

I always think of Chrysanthemums as blowsy flowers so it's lovely to read them next to the wind. Unclothed, the poor bare stems shiver (that's a sad image).

Sarah

[HowardM2]

Thanks again for commenting. Unfortunately, I've been tied up and will be for another couple of days yet, so I'm bowing out for this month. Good luck, all. Onward.

[JFN]

Howard, I know there are plenty of varieties but I see your chrysanthemums as the large, globe-like ones, top heavy on their stems. If I were being picky, yield suggests they may have broken, rather than be shivering.


I'm on the verge of dropping out too. Hope to see you next month.


John

[Scrow]

Howard, I hope your busy-ness isn't something difficult.

I always look forward to reading your poems and commenting (I really do, that isn't fluff) when you take part in sevens, so although I completely understand that you're busy, know too that your poems will be missed.

Anyway, you spurred me to get up early on an icy day last week and walk up the hill to peer at Blackberry leaves. It was lovely, despite the lack of red blackberry leaves (I'm probably a good two months too late) and seeped forwards into the day.


Sarah
(John, if you drop out it still won't inspire me to do anything with the tree in the garden, sorry)

[HowardM2]

Okay, it's been a year and a half, but I'm getting the itch again, which NaPo just inflamed. sigh

[HowardM2]

"Small Song: Wheelie"

Wild turkey crosses
the road with
wings raised and flailing.

[Donner]

Couldn't resist, could you.

I saw a video about the wild turkey harassing a bike rider in a DC park, the rider having to use the bike for protection against the bird. A rather large bird, at that. Whether or not that's the inspiration for "Small Song: Wheelie", you caught the turkey's aggressive moves.

Donna