Seven Ways of Looking

[JFN]

Karin, I adore the title of this one. There must be plenty of others a translator could find (I certainly hope so). The poem itself is short and sweet. For some reason I'm wondering if a break after "White light" might work. I could make more of an association between white light and pain that way.


Keep them coming.


John

[Scrow]

Hi,

The 'white light' is a great double meaning, as John points out. And it has the visual pairing with paracetamol tablets (at least it does for me, they may be differently coloured in Norway).

Food as salve for pain. Yes. I have never made so much soup as during this pandemic (and I don't even really like soup that much). I also made rosehip syrup. It looked beautiful and tasted disgusting.

Sarah

[Sorella]

You guys are lovely.
Thank you!
Health got worse till the doctor finally seemed necessary. Gotta hand it to them, they do diagnose and prescribe. So things got a lot better, finally.

Will reeeaaaallyyyy try and comment on your first at leeaaast. Now I am in the land of the living and staying there too.
But we are having this wonderfully talkative dinner guest, allowed one! who cheers my husband up no end. This from the dishes in the kitchen. Must serve some whisky now. Later!

[Cameron Clark]

Fantastic news about the prescription for the pain!
I hope your guest continues to keep you both entertained. Spare a thought for us poor British mortals guestless in our third lockdown. Remember to eat plenty of bread 

[GreaterMandalaofUselessness]

Pleased to hear you're feeling better Sorella, and sorry to hear that you'd not been well. Long may the feeling better continue! Looking forward to seeing you fighting fit in Sevens next month.

Matt

[Sorella]

Cameron and Matt,
Thank you for kind thoughts. Stable now (well, you know ...)

And everyone,
I do like the many ideas about line breaks on white light/ and yes, on torn/

It was such an eye opener and an enriching few days to close-read your poems -- even if I only made it to one of each.

[Sorella]

1. Virus

Numbers overwhelm us
on the news.
She alone made us weep.

A middle-aged Wuhan mother
lost one.
Her only child.

Sorella
----

[Cameron Clark]

This feels like a vignette from a longer sequence Sorella. I do like its sombre imagistic tone. I wonder if there is a more visual term for "overwhelm", for instance, "the tide of numbers overwhelms us" or something or other.

Hope this helps.

[drumpf]

Virus - Two american type haikus. S1 with its enjambment was a nice surprise, with L3 setting the mood. However, the tone changes in S2, where it's a bit too melodramatic. If there is a more subtle way of conveying her lost child, I think this piece will be more heart felt.

[JoKingly]

I appreciate the allusion, intended or not, to the one-child policy in the finale on top of everything else. It sickening that some still demonize literally a billion plus people who too have been suffering, some long before the pandemic.

It's poems like this, I hope, that will help the haters realize they're wrong.

Jo

[BrianIsSmilingAtYou]

1. Virus

Numbers overwhelm us
on the news.
She alone made us weep.

A middle-aged Wuhan mother
lost one.
Her only child.

Sorella
----

Sweet and sad and to the point.

The strophes remind me of the Lune form, but deviate from it slightly.

Knowing of China's former one-child policy increases the pathos.

BrianIs AtYou

[scraps]

Hi Sorella,

This really hit me in the gut. I think you nailed it and I couldn't suggest a tweak - the largest number, sometimes, is one. Well-fricking-done!

Steve

[Sorella]

Cameron and drumpf, Thank you both for reading and for suggestions, even! A bonus during fluffery week -- will consider all gratefully.

JoK and Brian, Yes, indeed -- my generation (not saying that's yours!) remembers Mao and all China has been through, including the one child policy.
That brief TV portrait by the foreign correspondent for our Norwegian Public Broadcasting Service in Wuhan was heart-breaking.
Uhm, I never quite got the Lune pat, despite your neat examples, Brian : D
Sorella

[dannymo]

Hey Sorella,

Lovely little poem. I love the contrast between the image of the mother and the reams of statistics. Especially the line "lost one". I wonder if you could replace "numbers" with "thousands" or "millions" to really emphasize the "one".

Warmly,
Dan.

[JFN]

Sorella, I like the balance between the newsworthy and the personal in Virus. It's easy to lose the individuals amongst the numbers, and that comes across well here.

Looking forward to more.

John