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Thread: Seven Rungs

  1. #31
    Dunc is offline but say it is my humour
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    Jane

    The Tillage Radish ─ That rises to the most delicious climax in SS 6-7! You had me reaching for the mayo! Lovely piece of gardening and kitchen art.

    Snow Job ─ Is something delicately indelicate happening in the course of the poem, or is it just my pesky imagination? Relaxed touch, till the breath gets short, or shorted, and the interrogative hint at the end.

    Ah, it's good to be reading you again! Or did I say that already?

    Regards / Dunc

  2. #32
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    I have a good eye for good poems and Janelo this one seems beautifully crafted. I think the ending line was rather surprising as I didn't expect such a sad ending (my take on it) I was going to ask you what you meant by the deed... until I read the rest of it and well I am stunned. I liked Stanza 5 a lot, it really worked well. I think it should be fleshed out a little more but you have yourself a great piece. Creative.

  3. #33
    kristalynn is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    The Tillage Radish, really love this one. The girth and earth rhyme, I love "pickled pink", really great. Also, the opening lines grabbed me.

  4. #34
    Sorella is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Hahaha to the corporate-speak of To the Foundation. Masterly wordplay starting with well-versed (meta!) and ending on chief/achiever/achieving. Nice! The nonsensical list (from real life texts, I bet) is disspiritingly Emperor'sNewClothes-like.

    The Tillage Radish
    -- Super stuff, great sonics throughout (picked/pickled/pink) and love the image of plumb (b?)ob. Would love to see it as an Ode to -- a la Neruda.

    Snow Job -- associations to blow job, and deception -- intriguing, not sure I fully get it yet.

    Good to be reading you again!

    Sorella

  5. #35
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    Jane,

    I picture this poem wearing a smirk and a bowler hat a la Roger Stone, the dirty trickster.

    I think Snow Job has a couple meanings - the whitewash coverup in politics or corporations (or foundations), the unforecast weather system that hits a population before they have time to salt the roads and buy milk and bread - I think this could be read like a unethical hack pulled in for a questioning before the Senate, the mock surprise - basically, I know all I have to do here is stall and I can go back to screwing over everyone, I do it because it works kind of thing. This could also work on the level of a dysfunctional relationship where one half has no compunction about deceiving the other, even when confronted with their deception. Admit Nothing, Deny Everything, Make Counteraccusations.

    Good stuff - lots to think about with this one!

    Steve
    Last edited by scraps; 03-11-2021 at 05:39 PM.

  6. #36
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    hahaha Steve,
    Admit Nothing, Deny Everything, Make Counteraccusations.
    in other words the "You crazy, baby!" defense.

    Something like that and the Roger Stone reference (and the whole Trump cohort) will be useful to me on this one. I posted this draft under the wire last night and it needs tons of work, so no surprise that you are finding many possible meanings.

    Thank you Leo, Sorella and kristalynn for stopping by also!

    One piece of info Sorella, (not that I have anything against blow jobs, but) "Snow Job" was a term from years back that mean someone was lying or conning or flattering or perpetuating an untruth in whatever form.

    Soldier on, my Sevens friends!

    Jane
    Last edited by Janelo; 03-11-2021 at 06:16 PM.

  7. #37
    philip john is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Hello Janelo,
    Yes, like Steve, some sort of whitewash came to mind. Both the mental games and physical deceit perhaps.

    A moot point, but in the final line I would put it in the moment - with something more immediate than 'that'....

    happy scribing.............Philip

  8. #38
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    Hi,

    Snow Job is clever and wry - the subtle writing echoing the meanings/content. I love your radish poem! It's fun, and bonkers and surreal. Good to have pickling as a happy ending, too.

    Sarah

  9. #39
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    I'm so glad "Snow Job" was actually about what it means, since it is such a great term I've had to drop from my vocab because everyone always assumes it's about BJs. I mean, I'm me, so it's not the craziest assumption, but as a con artist, I really like how you blended the meteorological in (I think 'low pressure' is a great image), and maybe more could be added? I do think there's more to wring from this, and it would definitely be punchier with some extraneous text removed ("so well and thoroughly", "how to accomplish", etc). I want to know more about the person who's being snowed, and what's currently making the lie necessary/fun/customary.
    "Everywhere I go I'm asked if the universities stifle writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
    There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher". --Flannery O'Connor

  10. #40
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    Philip, Sarah, acolyte--

    Thank you for stopping by and tending to my pomes.

    I will make good tomorrow, I promise.

    Jane

  11. #41
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    I lost my Internet last night (Country Life) so I’ve got some catching up to do. I’ll check in on everyone’s threads today.

  12. #42
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    Today I Visited the Compost Pile

    The black hole of an avocado

    held aloft by melting snow

    and worms who lie dormant below

    wonder what the mushrooms know

    after a year of the virus.

  13. #43
    philip john is offline Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
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    Hello Janelo,
    Nice timing and natural rhyming made for an entertaining read.

    It seems like the worms are being kept in the dark, rather than the mushrooms for a change...

    fun stuff.......................Philip

  14. #44
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    Hi Jane,

    I really liked the black on white image - and the unexpected avocado (which is a color in itself, the 70s tell me) showing up as black vs green. Lucky worms, I say. And a compost pile beats a reliable Internet connections any day, in my book.

    Steve

  15. #45
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    Hi Jane,

    Snow job nicely extends the 'snow' metaphor with "low pressure zone", "whiteout" and "flurry", and "layers and layers" suggesting the depth of this snow job. The last line being on it's own somehow seems to work to cast doubt on the veracity of whole poem. Or maybe the whole snow job spiel is part of the snow job ... ?

    Today I visited the compost heap the title suggests visit this as an event, and consequently a very bored N who has been locked down for too long. Love the idea of the ecosphere of the compost heap having an information differential. You'd think that lot would talk to each other as they slowly decay into a unified mulch. And the way the whole thing can be about the N and her world: the black hole and the lying dormant and the slowly turning into mulch.

    -Matt
    moderator

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