Vis-a-Vis

[Cameron Clark]

The last two (six in five days?) have some very nice phrasing and images. Time is split apart and then put back together again.

[Sorella]

Neil the Non-linear at Magpies --
Can you order extra hot espresso, or did you mean extra shot?!

And speaking of judgement. Where are we / vis-à-vis doom-clocks?

I love that the thread theme finally gets some space in a poem -- vis-à-vis. And were we? Speaking of judgement?
It gets better: And vis-à-vis-vis-à-vis, who will check out the cloaks?

The doomsday feeling persists, Bob Dylan appears, N chooses the way he wants to go --
I am hooked so far.
And especially the meta, where N (the poet?) wants to take a line back (as I read it, and believe me, I read with caution):
I want that line
dragged back / through the door, splinters / under its nails / singing.

Forget Dylan, you are a much better poet than that lyrics spouter.

Sorella, on a Nespresso (Colombia, original capsule)

[SP Singer]

Hello again,

Well Two Magpies kind of killed me a few times, and either coffee's having an intoxicating effect or else he's got a flask.
I loved mid-might, the cloaks, singing 2x, in the most honest and important spots.

Thanks again,
SP

[SP Singer]

Curious Goat--

loved 'heaven in a velveteen suitcase,
and who thinks whom needs the intervention.
Mad silly,
Thanks,
SP

[larryrap]

"I’m working against a desire to explain." - Well you're doing not bad on that front. Vis-à-vis Bob, I feel he has some serious things to answer for as well as to be thanked for causing this whole mess.

Two Magpies does a good job corralling the chaos into a graspable system. Throughout, your sentences threaten to burst into revelation, particles, song.

[Scrow]

I think the coffee shop names (particularly when they’re large firms interspersed with more individual names) add much to these - they ground, add context.


Some of the phrasing is very strong - No light escapes/my father and fish-hooked/from behind the curtain are the two that stand-out to me in ‘Magpies’.


The last line of ‘Home’ is very good, as is L3 and the image of the Chinese lanterns, I think.


I like ‘ghosts in the harbour’ in ‘Department’ also ‘imagine a world where breath was medicine’.


It would be interesting to see what these looked like handwritten, rather than typed. There are things, I think, you could do with the presentation that would really add to/work with the content (I do not mean illustrating them and I do not mean putting a little B&W coffee cup on each page as that wouldn't add to the sum of their parts - more text based ways).


Sarah

[5th column]

Thank you again to all who visited.

Cam: I like to get a day ahead or there’s a very real chance I’ll lose the mojo and call it a day.
Sorella: You can. You can vary the temperature of the brew.
SP: No flasks here. That suggests stewed cawfee and nobody likes that…
Larry: Thank you. Revelation, particles and song may well now appear before month end.
Sarah-Jane: Thank you. We should talk about that.




Cafe Nero. Farnborough. Macchiato.




Looking back, the moon wants / to know what words could

dissuade those red petals / blossoming. There’s no future in such

earth-bound stars. I think I might go / crazy with a goose named Cyril

tucked under one arm every now / and then. Can I get a prescription

or a body that approves / of such things? The alternatives cut deep / in

to the cosmos, overcast, / analysis, all time low. From the grey craters

everything’s already / happened and time’s only spoken of / in the past.

It’s all too easy to fall in love / with your wounds. If I could explain

there’d be no need for the goose.

[Cameron Clark]

Your latest continues with the strong word choices. Very nice line: "going crazy with a goose"

[GreaterMandalaofUselessness]

Hey Neil,

How goes the high caffeine lifestyle, and also your blood pressure?

Home I'm seeing the N at home with a coffee and his stereo (or Spotify) and his memories of an old lover by the sea. I love "If not with a kaleidoscope how else do you smuggle a file into prism?". I take ripping up the linear to apply to time here, rather than narrative. I'm guessing the coffee is bitter-sweet.

Cafe Nero I really enjoy the way this one just goes off on its own on seemingly (and possibly, actually) random tangents -- particularly the goose -- and then that last line just comes in and holds it all together and it all lands. The sort of thing Dean Young is good at. My favourite line; "Can I get a prescription /
or a body that approves of such things?"

Matt

[5th column]

Thanks to Matt and Cam.

Matt: the blood pressure? No idea but I’m assuming it’s bad




Rude Unicorn Coffee. Cafetière. Take away. Podcast then Audible while walking the Bourne Woods




Something about a peace dividend. Another about-listening.

“The preacher, thigh deep in fast-moving shallows, pleated

trousers held up by a cracked leather belt. A boy in a simple

shift.” But what the hell does all this have to do with all this?

As early as page six I knew. Before, that is, I read it. That is

some things are easy to forget, others too repeat. In a turn

up it’s the boy who dunks the preacher (or so we imagined).

But that’s not the entire narrative, more, snapshot. I can forget

how it started, but in the end who lives what they meant?

[Jee Leong]

Hi, Neil. It will not surprise you that I think it is unfair that the linear is getting such a bad rep. If there is no linear, where got non-linear (as a Singaporean may say)? The non-linear is not a principle of organization, but a principle of opposition, just as a gap is not a thing, but the absence of anything. It is fun to jump over a hole in the ground over and over, but after a while, it is better to bury the corpse or the bulb and watch it grow into something else.

[Blythe]

These are great so far, with my favorite on the 6th. Love the thought of going crazy with that crazy goose Cyril. I'd love to see next versions of this and have time to dig more into it. Keep up the great work my friend!

Thank you again to all who visited.

Cafe Nero. Farnborough. Macchiato.




Looking back, the moon wants / to know what words could

dissuade those red petals / blossoming. There’s no future in such

earth-bound stars. I think I might go / crazy with a goose named Cyril

tucked under one arm every now / and then. Can I get a prescription

or a body that approves / of such things? The alternatives cut deep / in

to the cosmos, overcast, / analysis, all time low. From such grey craters

everything’s already / happened and time’s only spoken of / in the past.

It’s all too easy to fall in love / with your wounds. If I could explain

there’d be no need for the goose.

[5th column]

Hi, Jee - I’m not sure I follow…

Most systems in nature are non-linear, meaning it’s not a principal of opposition other than to the man made such as (say), the traditional narrative arc.

Anywho - thanks for stopping by!

Hi, Neil. It will not surprise you that I think it is unfair that the linear is getting such a bad rep. If there is no linear, where got non-linear (as a Singaporean may say)? The non-linear is not a principle of organization, but a principle of opposition, just as a gap is not a thing, but the absence of anything. It is fun to jump over a hole in the ground over and over, but after a while, it is better to bury the corpse or the bulb and watch it grow into something else.

[JFN]

Neil, I now have The Lighthouse Family in my head, so thanks for that. Those opening lines, with the coffee shop machinery and the background music do the job of placing the poem really well. Weirdly, the first time I read ‘I can’t breathe on this beach’ I imagined N trying to breathe onto the sand (probably says something about me)! What I like most about this one is the mentions of vaporous things, from steam to ghosts to breath, that in some way link together by association.

The image of you going loco with a goose named Cyril under one arm is one I will hold onto. The seamless switching from the celestial to the personal/internal has an interesting effect of changing the scope of my perspective as a reader. The closing line is excellent.

What’s interesting about this latest one is that there is no placement for it outside of the title. There doesn’t need to be (N is walking though a wood), it’s just notable. This seems to hinge on the line ‘But what the hell does all this have to do with all this?’, which is a very open question.

John

[Midge]

Hey Neil, I've been in and out, as they say, since April began, but only just getting to leaving a message. I like the subtle, paced form these take (and which I've seen other poems by you take as well), with just the right emphasis falling in the right places, or so it seems to me. These coffeeshop poems are a neat idea, and allow you a pretty free hand. Your latest ends on a particularly poignant question, and the narrative inter-relations (poem with what you're listening to) are cool. And as to the one before: going crazy with a goose named Cyril doesn't sound half bad. Also enjoyed the bodily approval / prescription play in that poem, which manages to convey a lot (at least to me) with great compression.

Nice!