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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Friday, January 20, 2006

Slow, Slow, Quick, Quick, Slow

Dancing in Heaven (Orbital Be-Bop)” by Q-Feel, from the album Q-Feel
Second week of September, 1982

Full disclosure: I had to look up this song because the name “Q-Feel” is as familiar to me as the terrain of southern Zimbabwe; That is to say, other than the Matabeleland South province, I have no functioning familiarity with this band. Imagine my surprise then when a Web page dedicated to breaking down the soundtrack to the 80s movie Girls Just Want To Have Fun, a soundtrack of which this song was a part, described the song as “memorable and energetic.” Energetic? Yes. Memorable? Not so much. Annoying as fuck? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. It boggles the mind that music like this was ever popular. It’s hard to listen to this song for even thirty seconds, much less the entire six freaking minutes. Since I thought I might be tainted by the fact that house and techno music aren’t exactly my cup of tea, I went to a friend who enjoys such music. This friend told me that this song sounds like “starting a car with a cat sleeping on the intake manifold.” Knowing little about cars or cats, the image was enough to make me cringe. Armed with listening to the song once and the advice of a good friend, I’m prepared to make the statement that the title of this song is very misleading. If anything, it’s what you dance to in hell.

Best moment: The end (@ 6:00).

—G.W.

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