Hmm. What's a funny title with the word saloon?

Hello, all of you! How have you been? 

Before we get to the funny signs, I just have to thank Mirj from Miriyummy, who interviewed me and made me totally famous! I'm just so honored and excited! For anyone who hasn't yet seen the interview, it's right here. Thanks so much, Mirj!

And so, it's fitting that we begin with these signs, that Mirj herself found, quite a few months ago. She came across them while in a restaurant in Jaffa, and was kind enough to send them on to me. Wowee, buckle up:

Mirj told me that she resisted ordering the mus :)

We once found ourselves in a sushi restaurant that spelled the word wine three different ways on the same menu, but they were scattered around in different locations on the menu - these versions of chicken are so close to each other, it seems somehow even worse. And look at all the rest! Why am I suddenly thinking of IAMS, isn't that a brand of dog food? I have a very bad feeling that the lamb is spelled that way because someone accidentally hit caps lock... oy oy oy.

Thanks so much for these gems!

Next up, from my good buddy Dave, who found this while walking around Jerusalem:

I really wish people would stop making fun of Americans. I personally am going to do my part by posting this, and not saying a word :)

Thanks, Dave!

Third up for the day, this just in from new Olah Rachel B, who kindly forwarded this funky potty package to me:

There's so much to say here, I don't know where to begin. I like how we're encouraged to try it out, as if we should open it up in the store aisle and see how it feels. I like that this company is abreast of the times! I like that Closestool rhymes with Playskool. And on and on and on... Thanks so much, Rachel! Sorry it took so long to post, and I hope you'll send more awesome bloopers when you find them! Note that I didn't say if you find them... :)

Here's an amazing amazing flyer sent in to me by Dana, another first-time submitter. This is just wonderful, get ready!

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. Wow! There are so many funny things here, although my favorite is definitely the groping singles. I wonder if their new assistant will be able to help them out with proofreading?

Thanks, Dana!

And lastly, why am I posting today, of all days? Because when I picked up the mail this evening, I found this, and decided that I could wait no longer:

I saw this and started laughing out loud. My family thought that I was a little bit crazy. And then I saw that there was an accompanying magnet, with the same thing that had just cracked me up.

Do you see it? Do you see it? That bit about the saloon? Oh, man, there's just no end - I've got cowboys with curlers in my head now...

Naturally, I'm posting this to Signs, Signs, Lesley's fun meme. Go on over there, if you'd like to see more signage from all over the world, most more elegant and artistic than mine :)

Have a wonderful week, everyone - thanks for stopping by!

Perfect for your Shocking Stockings!

I miss this blog! I just stopped by to quickly post this gem that Rachel sent me, a long time ago. And as for the rest of you who were kind enough to send me something a long time ago, please don't give up hope! It's all saved and lined up to be shared, any second now... I really do appreciate all the wonderful things that you find for me and take the time to send! It's just that sometimes my real-life life gets the better of my fun-online-life :)

Anyway, on to the good stuff! Check this out:

It took me a couple of times to read through and find all the funny things in there. But there are a bunch - take a look! Which is your favorite? I like the idea that they expect you to launder a suit in this 40x50 centimeter bag, but I'm also quite attached to those sthocking underwears. Underwears! 

Definitely my 21th favorite is trying to pronounce 21th :)

Thanks, Rachel! And thanks all of you for coming by - I'll try to post again soon!

(Don't forget to check out Lesley's fun meme, Signs, Signs, to see signage from all over the world. Have fun!)

A little help from my friends - the final episode (for now)

Okay, then, here is the last one. I really mean it! Yes, I know that I've been saying the same thing for the last few weeks, but really, this is it. Here's the last group of funny photos submitted to me from over a year ago. Then we can move on to posting the more recent ones :)


Nothing to it but to do it!


Here's a great sign from Dena, my ever-loyal sign scout:

That one reminds me of the way my kids occasionally speak. I remember once when they were much younger, and someone was in someone else's way, one of my kids said, annoyed, "You're making me not have any space!!" To which I thought - yeah, all those words technically make sense, but a native English speaker would just say, "You're squishing me!!" Likewise, yes, "merge" and "fit together" are pretty much the same thing. But - really? That's what you wanted to write, out here in front of everyone? Hmm. Anyway, thanks Dena!


Number two in today's lineup - from Ricky, my good friend and contributor:

Okay, the obvious mistake here also isn't such an obvious one to non-English speakers. We don't say trousers, we say pairs of trousers, right? But what I find to be much funnier here is that they claim to be the leading producers of laundry. I thought that they're supposed to produce the clean clothing, while we customers provide the laundry, no? I mean, are they going to charge us for unprecedented amounts of stained clothing? Interesting - maybe I should try making money like that...


Here are some menu bloopers sent to me by one of my very best virtual friends, Mirj:

Various typos, strange translations, misplaced apostrophes, random capitalization - what can I say? Velcome to Izrayel!


And here's a crazy one from Rachel, who presents us with this one. The product is a cool idea - twist ties on demand. But what the heck is going on with the packaging? (The picture is split into two halves, but you get the idea.)

Embroider? Prick? I feel like Inigo Montoya, from the Princess Bride, who said, in one of his very best lines, You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Oh, and look, continuing with the Inigo theme, here at the bottom we have a sword! The sword seems to be closest to its actual meaning - I mean, the place where one cuts the twist ties is sharp, like a sword, right? (Whereas I'm still not clear on what the embroider is referring to.) But here's another funny thing - presuming that embroider, prick and sword were exactly the words they were going for, apparently they didn't even know where the sword was supposed to go :) (Guys! It's to the left!)


Well, I think that's all, folks! Please join us again next week for your regular installment of funny signage mistakes, mostly seen here in Israel, the land I love. Have a great week, in the meantime! 


Oh, and don't forget to check out Lesley's meme, Signs, Signs, if you'd like to see more sign-oriented photography! Some of it is really interesting, and even beautiful - it's worth a visit!

Nice to know it's an international thing

Well, folks, I'm sorry I've been gone so long, but I have a good excuse - I unexpectedly (to say the least) had my appendix removed last week! The recovery-from-surgery pain has been a lot more difficult than the actual appendicitis pain, but yes, I do understand and appreciate that it was important to have done. I did try hard to find a funny sign while I was in the hospital, but the best I could find was a "what to do in case of earthquake" poster in the Emergency Room. That wasn't actually funny, just seemed like not the mostly likely emergency to prepare for in a Jerusalem hospital... Anyway, I'm going back there for a check-up on Monday, maybe I'll have more luck then.

At any rate, today is my first day of feeling a bit human, and so I thought the least I could do is to share a funny photo that my good friend Rachel found on the BBC website, here:



So, you probably don't think that's very funny. Unless you can read and understand Welsh. Turns out, the "translation" below the English means, "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."

Ha! The link to the original article, again, is here - read until the end, there are other funny examples of past sign blunders!

Haveil Havalim - The Almost Summer Vacation Edition

Yes, I know - most of you are already deep into summer vacation. You're probably reading this right now on your laptop on the beach. Wait, I think I can hear the ocean spray! But alas - some of us still have kids in school until the very last day in June. Sigh. Soon, soon I'll join you all....

To help us pass the time until then, here's another edition of Haveil Havalim! My last edition didn't go over so well - in my enthusiasm, I forgot to include categories. But this time I think I've got the hang of it. To remind you all: Haveil Havalim is a weekly roundup of blog posts from all over the world, written by Jewish and/or Israeli bloggers. Bloggers take turns hosting, and this week is my turn! Or, in official lingo:

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish & Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack. The term 'Haveil Havalim,' which means "Vanity of Vanities," is from Qoheleth, (Ecclesiastes) which was written by King Solomon. King Solomon built the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and later on got all bogged down in materialism and other 'excesses' and realized that it was nothing but 'hevel,' or in English, 'vanity.'

And so, with no further ado, Haveil Havalim!

Humor (it's always good to start with humor, don't you think?)

Jacob Richman has a great new educational tool at Good News from Israel: New Website: Learn English with Jokes and Riddles at Good News from Israel.

Ilana-Davita has another great Weekly Interview: Robin at Ilana-Davita.

Heshy Fried has an interesting list of Stuff old Jewish people like at Frum Satire.

Mrs. S. would like A little consideration, please at Our Shiputzim: A Work In Progress.

Benji Lovitt is still blogging! Check out Hey, America: It's the World Cup! GO! FIGHT! WIN! at What War Zone???.

Oh, and I posted a silly bus stop sign at A Time of the Signs. 

Israel

Rahel has a great story at More Citizen Activism (or, The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Shekel) at Elms in the Yard.

Ben-Yehudah shares with us his Response To Israel Online Ambassadors' "3 Minutes To Israel" at Esser Agaroth.

Lady-Light shares a video at Jerusalem is a Jewish Emotion at Tikkun Olam.

Joel Katz presents Religion and State in Israel - June 21, 2010 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - June 21, 2010 (Section 2) at Religion and State in Israel.

David Levy found some wacky videos: Israeli Crazy Chef occupies YouTube at Jewschool.

Harry reports a bizarre news story: Desert survivalist defies the odds a second time at ISRAELITY. He then tells us a more personal story at Accepting responsibility for Israel’s security. And last but not least, an interesting observation: Hollywood stories.

Jewish Israel gives us some interesting news: Interfaith Jesus resort to open on shores of Galilee at Shiloh Musings.

Jacob Richman shows us the cool New Israeli Educational Stamps Posted Online at Good News from Israel.

Eric invites you to Join the Team or Guest Post at IsraelSituation.com at The Israel Situation. He then presents us with the Top 10 Quotes About Israel.

Personal

Susan Barnes reflects on Distracted Driving at To Kiss A Mezuzah.

Lady-Light gives us a relaxing story and some helpful videos at Good Company, Good Weather: A Lovely Shabbat at Tikkun Olam. She also brings us Father's Day Outing and Our Father's Day Outing (Part II) at Tikkun Olam.

Batya appreciates her community in Shiloh, the Greatest Neighbors at Shiloh Musings.

Leigh Ann Kopans discusses Why is Frugality Important to Me? at The Frugal Ima.

Chaviva tells us about her Adventures in Covering! at Just call me Chaviva.

Susan Barnes tells us a great story: Primal Fear, Primal Awe at To Kiss A Mezuzah.

Congratulations! Mirjam Weiss celebrates 35 Dog Years at Miriyummy.

Ruti Mizrachi shares are funny story: "Anachnu lomdim Ivrit b'yachad." * at Ki Yachol Nuchal!.

Batya gives us an update about My Parents, As Of Now... at me-ander.

Rickismom knows that this should be Never Blasé at Beneath the Wings.

Minnesota Mamaleh gives us a Father's Day tribute: Minnesota Mamaleh: About a Mensch | TC Jewfolk at TC Jewfolk.

RivkA is having a hard time, but is deserving of our Mazal Tovs! Check out her Medical Update and more at Coffee and Chemo.

Culture

Mordechai Torczyner has an insightful perspective on Synagogue Bathrooms at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Chana Rubin tells us about Exercise - How Much Is Enough? at Healthy Kosher Eating With Chana.

Judaism

Allison Josephs answers an interesting question: Do You Really Believe that Not Eating Pork Brings You Closer to God? at Jew in the City.

Leora has an Interview with Batya about Managing a Shiva House at Here in HP.

Rachel Barenblat anticipates My last rabbinic school residency at Velveteen Rabbi.

Mordechai Torczyner explains Why a rabbi teaches Jewish History at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Anthony thinks it's Religion Taken Too Far at The Israel Situation.

Ben-Yehudah has Some Thoughts On The Fast Of The Fourth Month (17 Tammuz) at Esser Agaroth.

History

Independent Patriot has an interesting perspective in From Sinai to Philadelphia and Back Again at Liberty's Spirit.

Elisson has a whole new shocking twist on Michael Pollan: A LIFE OF CONTRADICTIONS at Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Dave looks into the etymology of namel at Balashon.

Antisemitism

Batya discusses Cruelty to Animals, Shechita (Jewish Animal Slaughter) and Hunting posted Shiloh Musings.

Torah

Batya has an interesting observation on the parasha in Twenty-Four Thousand, 24,000 at Shiloh Musings.

Risa helped create More blooming in the desert! at Isramom.

Joshua Waxman looks into True peshat in Petorah at parshablog.

Kashrut

Joshua Waxman presents Anisakis worms are disgusting! From Ravina to Rav Moshe at parshablog.

Politics

Independent Patriot delves into an Alternative Reality, Parallel Universe, Down the Rabbit Hole at Liberty's Spirit. Independent Patriot also presents Irgun Offspring and the Zero Sum Game at Liberty's Spirit.

Lady-Light would prefer to put this in a category called "The Big Lie." Here comes What Do Muslims Have to do with America? at Tikkun Olam. And then an update, at Correction to Previous Post: Muslims Did Contribute.

Yisrael Medad examines an upcoming Harvard Alumni tour: Oh So Notable - Not at My Right Word. Yisrael Medad also presents Leftwing Liberal Thinking, and Example of Alternative History.

David Morris shows us: Gush Katif: "The State of Israel has Totally Failed at Tzedek-Tzedek.

~~~

And so we conclude this edition of Haveil Havalim! If I’ve somehow managed to omit your submission, please send me an e-mail at 321toby at gmail dot com and I’ll be happy to plug it in. Next week, the Fourth of July, we'll be hosted by The Rebbetzin's Husband.  Don’t forget to submit your carefully-selected blog articles to that edition of Haveil Havalim using the handy-dandy Blog Carnival submission form!

Have a great week, all - Happy Summer!

The latest mix...

Winter is upon us, and there's nothing like some funny signs to go with your hot cocoa. I'm still pulling things out from my 2011-2012 emails, believe it or not... 

First up today: this gem, found by Micha. Perhaps it's some kind of pet control device? Are dogrings available as well?

Thanks, Micha!

Here's a bizarre sign that Dave found, directed at any characters who wanted to park in this lot:

But how do they judge your character? Seems pretty complicated to me. Thanks, Dave!

Looking through those old emails, it appears that the city of Modi'in was having a particularly hard time with English back in early 2012. First, this was found, by our friend Ari:

Huh? What? But before we could spend much effort trying to decipher that one, this was found elsewhere in the same city by my friend Rachel!

And just at the same time, my friend Dena found this on Anglodeals - also in Modi'in! Truly bizarre, I hope things have improved since :)

Evidently that was meant to be blueberry... Thanks, Ari, Rach and Dena!

Oh - one more from the archives, before we move on - here's this strange, strange translation, found by our friend Aaron, while riding the train:

Just to make it clear, the direct translation here is: 
In Case of Emergency! Pull the handle, 
Wait for the train to stop,
Move the door sideways to open.
Penalty for misuse.

So - huh? How did they get to pushing leaves?? 
Thanks, Aaron!

And now, for some more recent finds :)

My virtual friend Dina found this in the Be'er Sheva train station:

That's a cute translation - somehow I've got images of trains wearing sneakers in my head now :)

My friend Brie shared this gorgeous, gorgeous typo on facebook this afternoon:

This one will be funnier for Hebrew speakers. The word for surf in Hebrew has the root G-L-SH, which is similar enough to goulash, apparently, to cause this ridiculous situation :) Thanks, Brie!

And last but certainly not least, for today: my friend Naomi found this and shared it with me moments before I happened to be headed to the grocery store, so naturally, when I got there, I searched it out and grabbed a photo :)

It's hard enough for people who move here to get used to saying soup almonds instead of soup nuts, now we've got soap nuts? Maybe it's just me, but that does not sound appetizing. The world has just gone mad, that's all I can say :) Thanks so much, Naomi!

That's all for now, folks! As always, I'm sharing this with Lesley, over at her weekly meme, called Signs, Signs. Oh, and a quick public service message - my brother has started a really funny and quite delicious blog, called The Awesome Sauce Kitchen. He's off to a great start - go and check him out!

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and here's hoping for a wet winter here in Israel - see you again soon!

Funny Signs Before You

Well, we're all settling back into life here in Israel. That fabled time of the year called acharei hachagim (after the Holidays) has descended upon us, and we're expected to begin living productive lives once again. 


And so I thought I'd carry on sharing some treasures with you that have been building up in my inbox, just waiting anxiously to be posted. Thanks to all my faithful spies, who found these for me all over the country! Let's start with this one from Yoel, who found this sign in Jerusalem:

I sneakily blocked out the name here, so as not to further embarrass this person of great importance. If you're looking for a rabinical lowyer, he's your guy! It doesn't get any lower than this, folks. Contact Yoel if you need more information :)


Next up, from Micha, who has been contributing quite the lion's share of funny signs. Here's one he found in his hotel room in Eilat:

Just read that one more time, carefully... hah! How much does the phone's room usually charge? Is this actually a deal? Thanks, Micha!


Here's one from my good friend Rachel, who found this wonderful piece of cookware:

That's amazing! I know that I love a hot bowl of fried dish soup as much as the next guy. And with this pot, I'd never have to wait! I'm just saying, my birthday isn't that far away... thanks, Rach!


And last for now, here's one taken by me! Remember me?
:)
Here in Efrat, we've been blessed with some local road construction. The powers that be took a very dangerous intersection and made it far safer, and although this made getting around quite tricky for awhile, I for one am grateful for the final product. Anyway, these signs can now be seen around our area:

Before you, do you see that? This is a great example of Heblish, that new language that our children speak so well, and that is helpfully translated for us by Mrs. S., of Our Shiputzim fame. This sign doesn't mean before you, it means ahead. But the sign guy doesn't speak English, so how should he know? And anyway, no one really reads the English on these signs anyway, especially not in Gush Etzion, so there's no need to proofread...


Ha! What a great week this was! Thanks everyone, for your contributions, and for stopping by! Happy Acharei haChagim to you all!

A little help from my friends

Well, I was going through the emails in my "time of the signs" label (in my ever-faithful gmail) to try and decide what to post today. Suddenly, I went back a bit further than I had meant to... and discovered that there are a bunch of things that were thoughtfully sent to me that somehow slipped through the cracks, and weren't ever posted! Some are from actual friends of mine, and some from virtual friends (who would have ever thought that I'd have virtual friends!). Anyway, all of you - thank you for sending these! Here are some of them, better late than never:

That one was from Elie Klein, who found it while rafting with his family on the Hatzbani river. A tremendous specimen! This one seems to be almost as awful as those ones in Asia that we see posted around online. I can't even decide which part I like best, but I am confident that Elie's family fulfilled the sign's required level of cool.

That one is from Mrs. S., who pointed out that this box is a real mine field. I can just see the family get together - the ice cream is mine! No, it's mine! No, it's *mine*!

This one is from my good friend Rachel, who was cheerfully greeted by this message on her laptop in the airport in L.A., upon nearing the end of her allotted wireless ration. The thing about this is that when she first sent it to me and told me that it was "from the airport," I just assumed that she was talking about our little Israeli airport, Ben Gurion. Then I started putting this post together and I suddenly remembered that Ben Gurion has unlimited free wireless access, and so it had to be a different airport. Which makes this all the much more shocking, I think! L.A.?! And that's the English that they came up with? That's actually really scary. Thanks, Rach!

This is from my good friend Dena. I almost like the Hebrew here as much as the English... I always enjoy witnessing the usage of the word "ped" for "pad." Anyway, I actually know some people looking for cheap housing now - I wonder if there's any room left in the skid resident base?


Wow, I actually have a bunch more photos waiting here - I guess those will have to wait until next week. Be patient, everyone! But before I leave you, I must include the pièce de résistance of this week, and here I owe a bunch of thanks. To Dave, who first showed it to me, posted on Avigdor's Facebook page... to Avigdor, who was kind enough to let me use it... and to Gidon, who later emailed it to me. And now, with no further ado:

Okay, are we all looking in the same place? Do we all see it? There, first word on the second to last line? So - even if you don't speak Hebrew, and even if you don't understand the Jewish Law regarding orla, you can certainly agree that you don't want any foreskin in your grape juice. That said, this label makes me a little nervous. I mean, this brand guarantees no foreskin, right? So tomorrow, if I pick up a different bottle with no such guarantee, will my neighbors really feel comfortable with the level of kashrut in my house? Oh, man, this is exactly how stringencies start... 


Thank you, Avigdor, who's boss' friend in England saw the actual label. Once again, I'm posting to Lesley's new meme, Signs, Signs. Go check it out, right now! And have a great week, everyone!

Just some quickies

Sorry I haven't been around much - my life is getting the better of this blog! But never fear, true readers, in my heart I haven't abandoned you! I've just neglected you a teensy bit :) Anyway, I'll try to make up for it by posting a few good bloopers that I have here, waiting in the wings.

First, here's a funny one from my friend Varda. She found this quite a while ago on her package of dill, which is shamir in Hebrew. 

Corundum? Varda thinks maybe they thought that dill is actually coriander, and got confused. But considering that dill isn't coriander, and that corundum isn't coriander either, this is altogether bizarre. It definitely reconfirms my long-held suspicion that Israelis are pretty sure that no one actually reads the English on their labels - it's just good to slap something on there if you'd like a more professional look :)

Thanks, Varda!

Second up: this one from our friend Ricky. He found these knives in the grocery store, and was kind enough to grab a photo for me!

This thankfully looks like it wasn't written in Israel, but just arrived with the merchandise which was bought overseas. That means that I can enjoy the absurdity of the language without secretly feeling embarrassed about the ignorance of my countrymen! Thanks, Ricky!

And here's a news story shown to me by my friend Dena, a few months ago. It's just goofy! Just to explain: Blue Square is the name of the company that owns some grocery store chains here in Israel.

Okay, maybe they're moving away from selling some Tnuva products. But guys, who's going to clean that up??

Thanks, Dena!

And last but not least: this was flying around the internet yesterday, and was generously forwarded to me by Gidon, Dave, Ariel and Rachel! Wow. Generally when things go viral like that, I get a bit suspicious that they're fake. But still - four of you sent it to me (an all-time record), so I feel a bit obligated to share it with everyone else, just in case. Enjoy!!

I'm not even sure where to start with that one. So I'll just leave it as is, for you to enjoy. I will say this, though: Google Translate has made the world a much more entertaining place!

And as always, I'm posting this (a little late) to Lesley's meme, Signs, Signs. Go there now, if you'd like to see more fun signage photography! Have a great day, everyone!

Gone amiss

My good friend Rachel forwarded me this work email that she received recently. I feel obligated to mention that she works at a theoretically-English-speaking company, here in Israel.


Ah. Just let it soak in for a couple of minutes. A true masterpiece.

Thanks, Rach!