Website for Adultery?

It has been a while since I blogged and its been hard to find any article that doesn't have Tiger Woods in the title. However, I did happen to stumble upon something that I had to post here in this blog. There is a website that exists for dating that is exclusively for married people. Yes, that is right, married people. What is even more shocking is that the site boasts more than five million users. I read some of the articles on the website and a curious statistic jumped out at me that stated that 70% of all marriages survive an extra-marital affair. I believe that this number has got to be false as more than 50% of the people who come to my office seeking a divorce involve someone being unfaithful. Now, I'm sure that there are a lot of marriages that survive one extra-marital affair, but its been my experience that once there is one affair, there are going to be more to follow which eventually will lead to the demise of a marriage. I find it hard to believe that any marriage can survive an affair especially when one party is actively seeking out a relationship with another person on the Internet. I'm curious to know what others think about this site and whether they believe that marriages can survive affairs.

Children's Divorce Classes

One of the biggest issues that couples face when they are going through a divorce is the effect that the divorce has on their children. I'm often asked whether I have any helpful tips for getting a child through a divorce in one piece. While I think the most important tip that I give clients is to keep your child out of the divorce process and do your best to co-parent your children in a friendly and civil manner, counseling and other programs are also helpful. I became aware of a program called Sandcastles which is a program for children to help them learn about divorce and to group a child together with other children who are going through the same thing that they are. Sometimes children feel all alone when their parents are divorcing and knowing that other children are going through the same thing can be very comforting. If you are interested in this program and how you can get your child involved, see:

http://www.educationprograms.com/Children-Divorce-Class-Sandcastles-Divorce-Children.php

Holiday Divorce Tips

There are many people out there who are going to be celebrating Christmas this year for the first time as a divorced couple. Creating ways to cope through the holidays can help make the time not only manageable, but enjoyable. This is especially true in the event that you have children. Here are a few helpful tips.

1. Make new traditions. There is no time like the present to create new traditions with your children, especially if it is not your year to have them on Christmas Day itself.

2. Surround yourself with family and friends. Now is not the time to be alone. Fill your calendar with events and don't pass up the opportunity to attend a party or two.

3. Make New Years Resolutions that you can actually stick to.

4. Don't make your children feel sorry for you if they are not spending the holiday with you. It will be hard enough on your children to be without both parents for Christmas, so its important not to project your feelings on them.

5. Don't spend money that you don't have. Retail therapy is not only a bad idea, it can provide you with a great deal of buyer's remorse in the new year in the form of high credit card bills.

6. Stay away from excessive eating and drinking.

7. Keep expectations reasonable.

8. Make time for yourself. Its easy to get caught up in what you can do for everyone else around the holidays. Taking some time for yourself can help you keep your sanity.

9. Take a break from the divorce madness. If your divorce is not yet final, take a break from litigation and animosity.

10. Remember that "this too shall pass."

Alimony....Till Death Do Us Part?

In a long term marriage, when permanent periodic alimony is a given, we often speculate when someone can retire and possibly eliminate or severely reduce a monthly alimony amount. Often times, if someone retires at a normal retirement age, alimony can be eliminated or reduced at retirement. However, a judge in Massachusetts has ruled that a person may have to continue working or seek part-time employment even after retirement in order to satisfy an alimony obligation. Is this fair? Should someone have to continue to work well into his/her 70s or 80s in order to satisfy an alimony requirement? Shouldn't a person be allowed to retire? On the other hand, should someone be allowed to retire in order to escape the necessity of paying alimony? Alimony is one of those nasty words that causes heartburn for those who have to pay it and heartburn for those who are fearful of losing it. With people living longer and retirement ages still around 65, it'll be interesting to see how all courts handle this complex issue.

To read the article about the Massachusetts ruling see: http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/11/10/divorce_may_mean_retiring_is_delayed/

Feline and Canine Victims in Divorce

There are always victims of collateral damage in a divorce, and sometimes the victims are the family pets. I have seen couples fight over who is going to get the animals in a divorce and in other circumstances, people decide to give their animals up because there is either too much going on and neither party can take care of them, or it is decided that it is too expensive to continue to care for the pets. If you are thinking about getting a pet and your marriage is in an unstable state, think twice before you make that purchase.

Divorce and Depression

I read an article online about a man in California who murdered his two children and then took his own life. He was going through a divorce and had recently lost his job. From the articles that I read, no one said whether there were signs that this gentleman was depressed, acting unusual or had a violent history. I see many people come through my office who are depressed, angry, lonely, or otherwise not acting like themselves. We in the family law world often say that criminal attorneys get to see bad people at their best and family law attorneys get to see good people at their worst. Its important that you find help if you are struggling with your new life and if you suspect that your soon to be ex-spouse is not emotionally stable. Seek help from local law enforcement and the courts or encourage those members of your family or friends who are struggling with the reality of their divorce to seek help from a mental health professional. Unfortunately tragedies like the one that happened in California may still happen, however, don't be afraid to seek help if you feel that you are emotionally in trouble.

To read the article upon which this blog is based see:

Does A Leopard Change Its Spots?

Every now and then, I come across an article that falls under the title "the truth is stranger than fiction". In Tysons' Corner, Virginia a man has chosen to wear a sandwich board stating that he's a cheater in hopes of winning his wife back after infidelity. Whether or not this is some sort of strange publicity ploy is still up for debate, but its an interesting tactic in winning your spouse back after being unfaithful. I would say that as much as 25% of our divorce clients have dealt with infidelity at some point in their marriage, and I don't think that most of them would take someone back just because they decided to publicly announce to the world that they cheated. Would this work if your spouse had cheated on you? Do you think that it would help your relationship and ensure a better marriage? I'm always interested to hear other people's perspective on the articles that I post to this blog. Let me know if you think that this guy and the parties' marriage has a chance of survival.