MY DAD

My dad just had a seizure today
if everyone can please pray for him i would really appreciate it
everyone says bad things come in threes so i hope they are all over now
cuz between my neice getting bit in the face by a dog  and my sister fiances car accident and my father having a seizure today

feb 24th workout

DID BIGGEST LOSER CARDIO DVD ALL 3 LEVELS
OUCHYYYYYY!!!!!!
CAN'T WAIT TO DO THE WII JUST DANCE LATER TONIGHT THOUGH
IM TRY TO UP IT TO GETTING AT LEAST 2 ACTIVE HOURS A DAY
LIKE YESTERDAY LATER IN THE DAY I DANCED WIHT MY SON BUT ONLY FOR 15 MINS BEFORE I WAS POOPED LOL
IM TRYING TO STAY ACTIVE PEOPLE
IM JUST SO SORE
BUT THAT MEANS SOMETHING IS WORKING LOL
I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR OVER  YEAR NOW I AM OVER 80 POUNDS DOWN AND IVE BEEN SORE THE WHOLE TIME AND STUCK TO IT ANYWAYS
I CANT BELIVE I AM STILL STUCK IN THE 180S
I CANT BELIEVE ALOT OF THINGS RIGHT NOW
I FEEL LIKE I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG TO STILL BE STUCK IN THE 180S BUT HONESTLY I LOST OVER 80 POUNDS SO AT THE SAME TIME I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT
I DONT KNOW ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO GET PAST HIS PLATEAU IVE HAD FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS NOW ????

winter wonderland ~ AROUND 182 ~

Im just here sitting in what looks like a winter wonderland
I love when it snow a little bit at a  time like this
the trees just look so beautiful
Here is a pic from the kitchen window

I want to thank everyone for all the prayers for my family

my niece is doing much better still sore and home from school but she is thankfully ok

and my sisters  fiance is ok just bumped and bruised but ok

so we are so very thankful that they are all going to be okay

very scary things to happen at all but all around the same time is even harder

my poor sis

she is so strong too

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

im just listening to P!NK and doing some laundry and making granny breakfast

getting a little stressed about her going to a nursing home soon

its bad and good all at the same time

bad cuz we are all going to miss having her here

good because she will hopefully getting the best care

even though i am good i am not wonder woman and i think they can just do what i am doing now but a little better

they wont have an autistic child running around who will always gets taken care of first

because he needs alot of care as well

it will be so much better for her

so why is this so hard right now

i know in my mind this is good for her

in my heart im dying about this decision

i know my mother feels the same way right now as well

its very depressing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and thats about all that going on with all of us right now

oh yea i wanted to say thanks for all the awards i've been getting

its just amazing how many followers i have

thanks guys

all your comments really help me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so here my horoscope today

Think of your reputation as a party animal, and don't cancel your plans for tonight, even if the person you were going with seems to be a bit on the cranky side. Get them out and about, and help them put some distance between them and whatever -- or whomever -- the problem was. If anyone can distract someone, after all, it's definitely you. Work your magic!

Gotta love it so whos the cranky one whos taking me out LOL
i wanna see all your hands up :-)

i think im the only cranky one here today but thats ok
ill be better after my workout
which will be startin gin about a half an hour
yipee
see ya guys after i sweat for an hour
Peace out!!!!!!!!!!!

feb 23rd workout

DID JILLIAN MICHAELS NO MORE TROUBLE ZONES DVD

im gonna look like this soon right people
im starting to get impatient lol

sunshine award

I recieved the sunshine award from missiontolose130pounds

thanks !!!!

im supposed to pass this on to 12 bloggers who bring sunshine to my life

so ill start with

1.missiontolose130pounds

2.282point5

3 autism and daily living

4 believingincc

5 biggsgetsskinny

6 faces of autism

7 follow me down

8 happy texans

9 haveyouseenmyweight

10 journeybeyondsurvival

11 kats adventures in dietland

12 previouslyplump

but really everyone on my list is worth reading and following
have a great day

182~ WORRIED

I am worried cuz i havent really talked to my sister about everything yet i have just  heard things from my parents but i guess my neice got bit by a dog and has 20 stitches in her face
and then my sisters fiance was in a car accident and totaled his car and thats about all my parents have told me so i cant wait til i get to talk to her cuz obviously im very worried about them all
so lets keep them in your prayers right now
 cuz i dont know exactly whats going on yet

it feels weird to blog about anything really today so i'll just say that
im here and worried
and that i am also proud of my mother because i had said earlier that i thought she had given up on her weight loss journey but shes back
shes losing weight again and she even did sit ups with me yesterday so i am very proud of her today
for restarting and doing well with her exercising again
hope everyone has a wonderful safe day and
please keep my sis and her family in your prayers thanks everyone

feb 22nd workout

I DID BIGGEST LOSER POWERSCULPT ALL 3 LEVELS
and some extra ab moves
now that my core is so much stronger i like doing weighted sit ups for a couple minutes
hope yall have a great monday
get moving for me peoplezzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!

100TH POST I AM WORTH MORE

I THOUGHT I WOULD MAKE MY 100TH POST A GOOD ONE
WITH THE I AM WORTH MORE CHALLENGE

so here goes nothing
i am worth more
so i stayed active and moved around all weekend and didnt overindulge in any junk food like i do some weekends!!!! 
YAY ME!!!
LOL!!!!

THERAPY

therapy went ok today

he finished this it only took 20 mins

he had several meltdown and didnt want to do it but he finished YAY!!!!

i was miserable today for some reason

just feeling yucky today

TSS must of  wanted to run LOL

it was just a long day

and now i have to go eat lunch its only after 1pm and im starved

and then eventually workout

i need some jillian to put me in a better mood LOL

HONEST SCRAP!!!!!

I just got this award from journey beyond survival

THANKS SO MUCH!!!!

so i am supposed to list 10 item of honest scrap about myself

and pass it on to 7 people

so here goes nothing

the 7 people i want to pass this on to first

1. just another fat girl

2. missiontolose130pounds

3.once upon a time in the land of cheese and sunkist

4.onemomsweightloss

5. then you stand

6. theformerfatties

7.shelleyshrinks

ok now 10 things about me

1.  in the winter i like to sled

2.  i still cant believe i lost over 80 pounds

3.  i love my family

4. i feel depressed during the winter every year

5.  i love my WII games

6.  i only have 4 tv channels

7 i love the movie year 1

8. i actually enjoy watching clifford the big red dog lol

9. i love to shop at old navy

10. i love taking pictures of all different kinda things with my camera

guess i should stayed with photography in college

stupid girl lol

DONT LET ME GET ME!!!!! 182

I have to start out by saying thanks for all the comments everyone
yea i know all 3 levels in one day CRAZY lol!!!!
but i enjoyed all the comments cuz eveyone seemed so blown away by it
and i do it every friday so i dont have to workout during that weekend
:-)

but crazy me did workout a little this weekend anyways
i did walk away the pounds for abs
the 3 mile section
it was actually fun
it took about 45 mins but a fun get ya moving kinda dvd to do

then my lovely hubby brought home JUST DANCE for the WII
gotta love him for that one
it is so much fun and it is a workout escpecially if you do it for over a half an hour i was sweating up a storm
a definate fun family game to play on the wii
:-)

and then on sunday i started feeling the dang winter blues so i spent about 2 hours outside
my son and i built what he called an ice castle
it was our igloo but we just kept the walls and dug out the inside and sat in it cuz it was falling down anyways
and we sled some more
i have bruises to prove it
i dont know why i got so bruised up this time but i hurt
i must have hit something somewhere on my right leg but i couldnt tell ya what

i cant belive how much exercise i got in this weekend that was just fun things to do to take away the winter blues

but now i am sore so i am hoping and praying i will be able to workout all week
we shall see i guess

granny isnt doing so well today she is soooooooo confused
i feel so bad for her
i cant believe soon she will be in a home
its so depressing
ok im trying not to think about it cuz this has been my life for the last 2 years
so it will be weird with out her here

ok im done for now
im all depressed again

i need for my son to start sleeping at night then maybe i will not be so depressed
when your tired you get sad alot faster about things

i'll write back later after my workout
hope you all had a great weekend too and dont have the monday blues like i do

oh yea i lost another pound so im sitting at 182
that make me a little happier lol

feb 19th workout

blew away alot of stress today in my workout
and now i am going to go relax for the weekend

I did the jillian michaels 30 day shred
did all three levels at once today for an hour workout and i know it burns at least 700-800 calories

now im even more exhausted but feeling healthy

and i burnt off htose couple peices of valentines hearts i just had
those things are evil i dont even like them but they were sitting there and of course i shoved a couple in

stupid dang hearts

therapy post

I needed one of these to get through therapy today.  I'm exhausted!!!!!!!!! Still plan on working out to. Eric says I'm nuts LOL

so we started out playing with thomas the train  and pointing to everything on the train

then went to putting the puzzle together he did about 30 of the 35 pieces by himself

i think for the first time that is great cuz that was a hard puzzle

suprisingly he isnt cranky at all today

but i am LOL

next we did this game of making pictures of things

heres a present

and glasses

and a pizza and ther was a rake pic just like there was a pic of thomas the train puzzle box its cool cuz its shaped like a train and he can play with it that way also but i cant find the pics on the computer they must have disappeared and im to tired to find them  today

:-(

ok and here is the bridge of gears its a little different then the tower LOL

and then an hour of question work and then he got his reward

he gets to put a little pill in the water aand grow this lovely duck

so i have to go eat or i'm gonna pass out i think

i just feel yucky today

ill post after my workout

but if i get lazy i want to say

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE
TGIF!!!!!!!!

exhausting 183

Thanks everyone for all the nice comments about my hair
it is different but i think its so much easier to take care of now
should have done this a long time ago
:-)

little man did not want to sleep again last night
he took about a 3 hour nap from 8-11 then he was up the rest of the night
it makes you want to scream cuz in the morning he is falls back asleep a half hour before we have to go and then he is miserable doesnt want to wake up
suprisingly he was only miserable this morning for about a half hour now he is watching mickey and happy but i know once therapy starts he is going to have a fit
i dont blame him i just wish there was a way to get it through his head thta momma says its bedtime for a reason
i try to explain everything that is going on the next day and he says ok and just continues to stay awake
i dont know what else to do
i actually pray after i scream on nights like that
makes me feel a little better to pray most days
its all i feel i can do sometimes
coming from somone who was christian growing up but was always forced to go to church cuz i hated it and thne for awhile just forgot to pray
i sure found god again after my son was born i dont go to church much cuz its difficult with him but i pray almost everyday for strength and god seems to be listening cuz we are all doing ok
there are ups and down but i feel strong most days to handle this life
i feel the anxiety fading and faith growing stronger most days
which is an amazing feeling

now i have to go give granny a shower
i think this is gonna be a three or four post day again lol

peace!!!!!!!

MY HAIR MAKEOVER PIC

Heres my new hair do and color.  My hair used to be halfway down my back so its definately different

decided to do a million posts today

so i decided to do another post today
an autism post
i am sitting here coloring with my son and i am just amazed instead of scribbling he actually drew some things that kinda made sense
so im extremely happy right now
of course he is here having a meltdown because he doesnt want to write the letter P for puppy he said he wanted to write PUPPY well he hasnt gotten past the P i wrote one and said you can be done if you write a P and he stormed off in a tanrum
gotta love it
but hopefully he comes back soon and draws me some more of these lovely pictures
look at them

flower

PUPPY

and the boat is the best

oh no he took his socks of in his tantrum
he is trying so hard to put them back on
oh poor baby
i hate the tantrums but it will all be worth it when he comes back like he just has to tell me he is ready to write the letter P
so we shall see
i have faith he can get through this and be able to write the letter P
well he doesnt want to write the P
 but he cleaned up all the crayons like a good boy
and asked for a brownie
lol
have to give him the brownie he worked so well through that tantrum on his own
the tantrum is all about him not having faith in himself enough to even try to write a P
he thinks he cant do it
but i know he could if he tries he is great at writing letters
but he has to have the faith in himself
i dont know how to help him with that
:(

i am worth more challenge

i am going to do a i am worth more challenge  post everyday

so here is my first one

I havent been eating past 7pm for 3 days straight

feb 18th workout

sorry guys i'll try and get a pic up soon
maybe a whole body shot cuz i am down a few more pounds

so i did the last chance workout dvd with jillian michaels
all i can say is ouch
and im glad it thursday one more day and then a day of rest
im so sore lol

i have to go eat lunch cuz it around one  and i am not hungry at all yet but i gotta eat otherwise a binge will come on later

i dunno what else to really say today
tomorrow is 3 and half hour therapy day so maybe ill have something fun to talk about
or fun pics

oh but lets see he did have a huge accomplishment today
he said a huge sentence
i asked him to share chips with granny and she said i love these
and he said i love these too granny
then he said
you share
its a great interaction right there people so im a proud momma today
we'll see what he can do tomorrow
making progress everyday what more could a person ask for
:-)

MAKEOVER ~ 183

I had about an hour to myself this morning so i spent that time reading all your blogs i havent gotten to in awhile and commenting back to everyone
gotta show my love for you guys :)

Other than that nothing much new here besides i got my hair cut short yesterday it looks cute
its cut to around my chin
i havent had it this short in years cuz of my fat face lol
and i dyed it a little darker brown
i like my little mini makeover
and im suprised i like it LOL

Granny and mom said i look years younger i wonder how old i looked before LMAO
oh well i'll take the compliments anyday

Hopefully this will help in seeing the changes ive made
i think it is honestly helping already though
 i can see it in my face with this new haircut
i just look younger seriously
so im happy and i guess ill write more after my workout
thinking about doing soemthing with jillian again today
yesterday was bob
so we shall see
eni mini mini mo lol


LOVE YA GUYS!!!
THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!!!!

PEACE OUT PEOPLEZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!

dance videos

anyone know of any good dance exercise videos
i wanna mix it up and get a dance dvd also

i was searching amazon
i was thinking core rythms
or so you think you can dance get fit

im trying to find the easiest to learn yet still a workout lol

any suggestions

feb 17th workout

I DID THE BIGGEST LOSER CARDIO DVD ALL 3 LEVELS
AND NOW WE ARE GOING TO GO PLAY OUTSIDE IN THE SNOW WHICH MEANS MORE SHOVELING
MY POOR ARMS ARE SORE FROM YESTERDAYS HOUR OF SHOVELING
TODAY I THINK ILL STICK TO ONLY A HALF HOUR LOL
NEED TO EAT LUNCH AT SOME PONT BUT I AM JUST NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE
I HARDLY ATE YESTERDAY AND IM STILL NOT HUNGRY TODAY I GET HUNGRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND THANKFULLY I KNOW BETTER THAN TO EAT THEN
IM TRYING TO GET IN ALL MY MEALS
ITS JUST NOT WORKING FOR SOME REASON
I THINK WHEN I AM TIRED I DONT EAT NEARLY ENOUGH
I THINK ILL GO HAVE A DIET COKE WHICH I NEVER HAVE ANYMORE AND GET SOME CAFFEINE IN ME AND SEE IF I CAN MUSTER UP SOME KINDA ENERGY
PEACE OUT PEOPLEZZZZZZZZZZ

sleepless nights ~ 183

Last night was a bad night for my little one
He got up at 3 am 
then when it was time to go watch granny at 6am he wanted to sleep and was cranky
it sucks he doesnt get that he needs to sleep at night some nights
i feel so bad for him when he is sooooo tired because i couldnt get him to understand that he needed to sleep and it was still the middle of the night


i read this  POST  today and it brought me to tears
its so true

i dont really know what all to say today
im tired as well

i was on the phone last night with a friend who says she is just depressed and she is sick of how big she has gotten and she says she has no idea how i am doing this like what motivates me

and i really have no idea what to say
i told her she needs to realize that she can see me and think i am doing great and i see the numbers but for some reason i have a problem seeing it
i still think i am huge
i pull up my size 16 and go wait these really fit is this a joke
i wasnt even a size 16 before i got pregnant years ago

i mean it just feel weird

but i know i keep doing it first because i wnat another child someday and i want to do it healthy

and second because even though im sore alot there is a defference between the sore feeling and the walking around in pain all the time so swollen feeling like a ball with legs

so i do it so i can feel better not squished in my body

i want to be healthy
and i remember were she is coming from the depressed feeling not wanting to move feeling and i swear if i didnt want a baby so badly i would still be there cuz the whole baby thing started this journey
but me wanting to be healthy is what is going to finish this journey and help me maintain forever

i understand i am going to go up and down every once and a while and thats ok now

i dont know i am feel different but i dont always think i look alot different

does anyone else have this problem they just dont see it when they look in the mirror
i know my extra skin isnt helping but do i need to get help or something for this is it normal for awhile
cuz all i hear from everyone is your not fat anymore why do you still think you are huge

i dunno
i think you can tell im exhausted today
and just pondering things lol

i guess ill update after i workout maybe ill be more awake lol :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

oh i almost forgot haveyouseenmyweight had a post on how she calcutlated the percentage of body weight she had lost so i decided to od it too
i was amazed
it said i lost 31% so far

and i forgot to tell ya all why i am so sore
yesterday my son and i built another igloo the first one was a goner it caved in from too much sun
so i had to shovel for seriously it felt like a good hour to make a brand new one
ouchyyyyy!!!!

yea i thtink thats all till later
im so forgetful of all the things i want to write lol
TIRED!!!!!!

feb 16th workout

I did  JILLIANS NO MORE TROUBLE ZONESfeeling sore after mondays workout and now more jillian lol
but i did it
and now we are going to go play in the snow cuz yet again its snowing :)

valentines day weekend ~ 184

First i want to start off by thanking everyone for all the lovely comments the last couple days
I am trying to catch up on all of your blogs after taking quite a few days off of blogging
so bear with me LOL
but i really do appreciate everyone who reads this blog and comments
it keeps me accountable
so thank you guys soooo much

~~~~
so i guess i will start this valentines day post on saturday
the day we celebrated valentines day cuz my hubby had to work sunday

i got up and had presents
yay
who doesnt love presents lol

but this was something i had never gotten before and i loved it
edible arrangements
its fruit and some chocolate covered fruit
yummmy
amazing
i have no words it was such a nice gift from my hubby

and here is the teddy bear he gave our son and the cup/bowl was mine
cute huh
i love it
im telling ya usually i am lucky to get a card lol

this year he went all out
the card on the left is from my son
he thinks it great because i always say i love you this much
 no this much
 no this much
while putting my arms out into a hug
well that basically is what the card says for me
how sweet and thoughtful

and the one on the right sings the you are so beautiful song
thats from hubman

so that was my valentines day
it was amazing
i felt like a princess lol
~~~~~~~~~~
then we went to a place called crystal cabin or something like that
it was a place with ice sculptures / ice carving/ ice maze/ an ice tiki hut that they sold food at / a play pirate ship for the kids / and the best part a huge ice slide
i would have never gone down at 265 pounds but at around 180
hell  yea
so i went down it with my son and had a blast
he must have went down 20 times
it was fun but you had to wear snow pants there and i have a pair
yay
i havent had a pair of snow pants in years they havent made my size
but i found some that fit a couple months ago
how exciting and they have come in handy with sledding and ice slides
gotta love it
it feels like a  whole new life being able to do this stuff with my child

when we came home i made a new kashi pizza i found
 it was okay
and then we even went night sledding outside
so much fun

~~~~~~~~~~~
SUNDAY
 was a relaxing cleaning kinda day

we played some games
you pick a picture and have to build it with magnets
its cute i think its called
 who am i game

heres the bird









the giraffe

the fishy the elephantcrazy haired guy

daddy made it lol daddy made it into a  woman with a mustache in the end

nice right

daddys what more can i say

they are still kids at heart lol

last but not least kitty cat

and of course i cant forget the castle my son made me

he was very proud of this castle

we went and visited everybody that day to give them valentines day candy hearts
we went sledding again of course
lol
we watched a heck of alot of land before time dvds
ya all know there is only like 20 gazillion videos of land before time dinos out there
my son loves dinos
so we have all of them lol
just kidding he did get 2 for christmas and it seemed like we watched them all day long though


and in between those videos we tried the potty training videos

still working on the potty training if anyone out there has any advice on potty training a child with autism please feel free to let me know cuz we are struggling
he can go all day in the potty and then some days go in his pants every couple mins
gotta love it
i have no idea why
so any advice its much needed
he knows how to use the potty just forgets i guess
 i dunno

anyways so for dinner that night he had brownies
thats what he wanted
thats what he on valentines day lol
gfcf brownies
we had fun making them

and last but not least
i of course ate pretty well all weekend
and i counted all the sledding as a workout for sat and sun

but on monday it was back to work
i did jillians banish fat boost metabolism
and i decided cuz ya know i had to have some of that chocolate covered fruit that i should give it a little extra yesterday so i also did about 45 mins or so of taebo
that really hurts after jillian lol
but is well worth it cuz i believe i am still around 183-184
all i can say is  i am happier than i have been in a long time
so lets just hope it i can keep it up


well i know this was very long so thanks for reading
and ill be updating today as well but that should be a short one not much going on today
have a great day peoplezzzzz
hopefully i get around to everyones blogs and can comment today
if not im still here and love ya guys
*HUGS*

FEB 12th workout

first i just have to say
i wasnt even workoing out or anything and my gram with severe altzheimers just said to me as i am walking by
you are looking great i mean less i mean she says i dont know
just smaller
LOL
YAY!!!!!
i mean she cant even remember i work out or anything but she knows i look better
amazing
an amazing feeling
to have somone in her condition she it
wow
crazy
i now i just need me to see it when i look in the mirror

i almost forgot my poor puppy who hates the snow picture

ok on to the daily workout
i did
jillian michaels 30 day shred all three levels
which burns around 750 cals

now im exhausted
and going to have a nice relaxing valentines day weekend
be back tuesday

183~ snow daze

We had snow days here the last 2 days so thats why I havent been online recently couldnt get to a computer
but its ok
I stuck to my workouts and ate healthy
WED  was jillian michaels banish fat boost metabolism
THURS was a biggest loser workout and taebo

and of course everyday we were shoveling

Im telling ya I am so sore today because of all this snow  and my workouts combined it was a long but fun 2 days

Here are some pics of us sledding

my nephew is in the red and my son is in the yellow

arent't they adorable

here is my son and my mother sledding the next day

and here is the best our igloo we ever  made

Its huge

my son and i both fit in it

thats my feet i am laying down in it lol

there it is from the back

crazy right?

I've never made one this big

my arms are exhausted from shoveling   :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other than those amazing snow days we had

Today is friday

TGIF!!!!

Therapy went ok today

after 2 days off he was glad to have Eric back

but after an hour he was done and just wanted to play play play

he did only about an hour of actual work today and the rest was pretty much play

he completed the dinosaur puzzle all by himself today which is a 45 piece floor puzzle

we were amazed

eric was trying to help me print out a picture for my hubby of my son and I for valentines day its sorta a card picture thing i dunno how to explain it

its cute

 but i couldnt figure out the printer so he helped and by the time we were done playing around and sizing it and printing it

my son was all done with that huge floor puzzle

it was pretty funny

if we ignore him for 5 mins he gets things done

but if we sit there he refuses most of the time

 he will get halfway through and give up

kinda weird huh ??

oh well

Hope everyone has a lovely valentines day weekend

I'll be back to update on my workout

LATERZZZZZZZZZ

feb 9th workout

Did THE BIGGEST LOSER CARDIO WORKOUT DVD

i didnt wear my heart rate monitor so im guessing i burned around 500 cals but i dunno

I pushed hard today cuz im angry so it was a great workout

hopefully i will feel better tomorrow or maybe after the biggest loser tonight

who else can't wait for the BL
i know i cant wait
its my time were i can veg out and watch other people work their asses off ofr a change  lol jk

around 183

Last night was fun  NOT!!!
my son did not want to sleep
and my hubby wanted to be pissy so i spent lots of the night bawling my eyes out
too much stress and  T. O. M
the only thing i am really still angry about is my hubby never even cared i was crying because he was tired i guess
didnt want to deal with it i guess
i dunno
can someone say ASS

what happens is 11 out of 12 months of a year we are good and theres that one month of the year we spend angry about something stupid

well this may be it
the same old same old
i dont cry often when i do its probably T.O.M but i would still like an are you ok
when ya know im crying

and he just doesnt get it and like last year i was mad for about a month about this same thing  then gave up
this time
i have already given up cant really be mad when he could care less right

just makes me add another layer of skin to that thick skin people say they cant get through

i mean the about a month or so ago my mother and i got into a fight and she started crying and i couldnt even cry about it
he has made me this way
i dont cry about much anymore
i used to be an emotional person
and now i cant cry when i should be crying
its crazy i dont like it
and i wasnt crying cuz i was sad
 i cryed cuz i was soooooo angry
and when i used to be angry i would either drink which is a huge no anymore im a mommy of an autistic boy i always need to be on top of my game
or i would smoke a cig
yes people something you might not have know i smoked for about 8 years
since 13 years old crazy
 i know till till around 20 or 21years old  i dont remember exactly
i stopped a year before i even got pregnant
and was good till he was diagnosed with autism then i started smoking actually on christmas again when i realized he did understand what christmas was that year all i asked for htat christmas from my hubby was a pack of cigs in my stocking it was crazy i was that depressed
uuuugggghh
im crying just talking bout that old feeling
yuck
so anways smoked for a year or so
i quit in june
so its been around 8 months of no smoking
and i will never go back i cant workout like i do and smoke
not gonna happen
but i used to smoke when i was this angry
or then there is the overeating
nope cant do that now
so what did i have but to cry last night
 it sucked crying cuz your so mad and have no outlet
but it was better than any of the other choices i used to do to heal my anger
right????
so thats what i did i cried
and im crying again writing this
but it will get better
i know it will
i know i'll feel better after jillian kicks my ass today

i can tell i am depressed today  cuz i am listening to P!NK
i love her newest cd when i am upset
i love all her cds she is my fav singer
but when i am having a bad day i listen to her newest cd

oh well this is all i have to say for right now
my brain is all over the place today if you couldnt tell
gotta go workout and straighten it all out lol

PEACE!!!!!!!!!!

feb 8th workout

goodness gracious my 3rd post of the day lol

oh  well

I did jillian no more trouble zones dvd
and burnt 534 calories
yipee

so i want to buy p90x has anyone tried it
or have any extra info on it
is it worse than jillian lol
let me know
im lookin into it
but it seems very expensive

peace out

MONDAY ~ STILL ROCKING 183

Therapy today went ok
he was a little distracted
cant really figure out why but must just be one of those mondays
oh well

Here are some pictures of his accomplishments

my parents dog PETE wanted to get in some of the photos today

a little piece of his tail is in the upper right corner

oh look pete again

and here is what my son accomplished so far out of his new verb puzzle box

he did 13 out of 30 cards

not bad for his first try

I like the castle alot

It's creative and different

and last but not least we made a banana and chocolate pudding pie for daddys real birthday today and he made him a card well more like a poster but ok

and thats about it so far today
i'll do another post after i work out later
have a great day people