Happy Thanksgiving everyone! A fellow heart transplant patient wrote this post in 2008 while he was recuperating from his transplant and I asked if I could share. He said he would love if I shared the laughs so here you go. It’s kind of long but well worth the read. You’ll be laughing your head off!
It’s holiday time again – Happy Thanksgiving to all in North America – all others – try it. I have written out a sample menu and some simple instructions. As per any food that you eat – the slow food method is better – that is – locally grown, organic, no antibiotics, no pesticides, freshly prepared, homemade, cooked from scratch, no artificial ingredients… Of course buying this kind of produce will mean that you then can’t afford to celebrate Christmas, but life is full of trade offs. There is only one exception to the above rule – the ingredients for Campbell's Green bean casserole must be pre-packaged with extra salt and preservatives.
Go out to the market and buy a turkey, potatoes, sweet potatoes, bread, cornbread (again if you can make it or grow it yourself…) white onions, baby onions, garlic, baby carrots, baby corn, sugar, poultry seasoning, fresh sage, thyme, rosemary, basil, Parmesan cheese and sweet Italian sausage. Go back to the produce aisle and get green peppers, red peppers and celery. In the dairy aisle get butter, milk, heavy cream, orange juice, eggs and sour cream. Go back to the produce aisle and get cranberries, oranges and walnuts. And lemons - and limes. And a turnip. Find cans of green beans, Cream of something soup, and dried French-fried onion rings (in the pop top can) (more about this later.) Ask the sales clerk if there is frozen pumpkin. There won’t be. Go back for the canned pumpkin. And flour. Don’t worry if you’ve forgotten something – you will have to come back to the market at least twice before you finish. Amounts to purchase depend on the number of guests. Just guess.
Menu:
Turkey: frozen Turkey, herbs, salt, pepper, butter, olive oil (back to the grocery store – stop at the beer store on the way home and buy brandy and wine and dark rum). Thaw turkey in refrigerator for days. Roast un-stuffed until very dry, then roast more. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to deep-fry a turkey unless you are already looking for a new house to live in after you burn this one down.
Dressing: bread, Cornbread, chicken stock or apple cider or both (back to the…) herbs, onions, celery, cooked sausage (or oysters, or chestnuts, or walnuts or apples and raisins (oops – back to). Bake it in muffin tins so that everyone gets some of the crunchy stuff.
Twice baked potatoes: Potatoes, parmesan cheese, milk, cream, butter, caramelized onions, garlic, sour cream.
Mixed baby vegetables: self explanatory
Baked Squash: … nutmeg, cinnamon, butter, rum, brown sugar
Bread: to eat
Cornbread: Ditto
Turnip: Mashed with butter
Sweet potatoes: Just bake ‘em with butter. If you want them candied –look up a recipe - I'm getting tired.
Savory bread pudding: Milk, cream, eggs, herbs, peppers, onions, garlic, bread, brandy (since you had to open the brandy you may as well have a glass).
Green bean casserole: (No one really eats the – but you have to have it). Cans of green beans, Cans of cream of something soup, sprinkle top with cheese and canned onions when it is hot but not yet brown – let brown.
Cranberry sauce: cranberries, sugar, walnuts, orange slices, grated orange peel, rum and orange juice. (Now that the rum is open you might as well try that too)
Pumpkin pie: pumpkin, eggs, milk, cream, flour, butter, sugar, spices
Apple pie, mince pie, squash pie, and others all also acceptable substitutes
Cheese and crackers for hors d’oeuvres: (oops – back to…)
Gravy: Make it from the pan drippings, with butter, cream salt, pepper, flour. Forget the giblets – they are gross
Take the turkey out of the oven and tent it – make room for all the other stuff. Open the wine to let it breathe. Since it’s open…you may as well … use it to deglaze the roasting pan. Whip some cream. Start the coffee. Put the desserts on the sideboard. Be sure that everything is hot - cooking times vary. Put it all on the table. Let someone else carve the turkey – you’ve had at least three drinks already and shouldn’t be handling sharp objects.
Go back to the market and buy plastic containers to put all the leftovers in so that you can make turkey croquettes and turkey sandwiches and turkey a la king and turkey hash and turkey soup. Any ingredients that you haven’t used in making the dinner or forgot to put in while you were cooking you can use with the leftovers.
Blessings,
Christine
