COME SEE THE SQUID

Wake the kids, pack the car and go west, young man. Squid on the beach.

The Oregonian has the story:

"I haven't confirmed it, but we are hearing reports that dozens are washing up," said Chris Havel, spokesman for the Oregon State Parks & Recreation Department. "They are probably Humboldt squid, which are much more common in warmer waters around Santa Cruz."

The squid are about two feet long, and have a life cycle of only a year or two, Havel said. They may be dying because they are at the end of their life cycle or it could be food related or a disease, he said.

"If you get a chance, go look at them," said Havel, who suggested Washburne State Park would be a good starting point. "Bring your camera, take some pictures. This may be your only chance to see a Humboldt squid lying on the beach."

Or you can check out this pic of said squid and freak out.

CHILLING CHIMP READ

The April 2009 issue of Esquire includes a story by Rich Schapiro. It's about a man attacked by chimps in 2005.

Here's a graf from the Esquire piece:

There's a two-inch hole in the heel of his swollen left foot, and he is confined to a wheelchair. He has no nose, only a red, raw, exposed septum, surrounded by narrow openings. At the top are three tiny magnets designed to hold in place a crude silicone prosthesis, which is constantly falling off. His right eye is gone, replaced with glass. The skin on his face droops like candle wax because so many bones around his cheeks and eyes were broken. His mouth, which has been completely reconstructed, is stuck in a frown. On his left hand, his index, middle, and ring fingers are stumps. His right hand is much worse. He has a misshapen hunk of flesh for a thumb, which appears as if it were lumped onto his wrist with clay. His index and middle fingers are gone; his ring finger and pinkie are immobile.

The piece's title? "The Worst Story I Ever Heard." It'll keep you up.

TRAVIS GOING APE

More on Monday's chimpanzee attack that nearly killed a woman.

Travis was the chimp. His owner was Sandra Herold. He attacked Herold's friend, Charla Nash.

From The Associated Press, these new details:

In recordings of calls to 911 dispatchers released Tuesday, Travis' grunts can be heard as a frantic Herold cries that her pet is "eating" Nash and must be killed. The attack lasted about 12 minutes.

"The chimp killed my friend!" says a sobbing Herold, who was hiding in her vehicle. "Send the police with a gun. With a gun!"

The dispatcher later asks, "Who's killing your friend?"

"My chimpanzee!" she cries. "He ripped her apart! Shoot him, shoot him!"

After police arrive, one officer radios back: "There's a man down. He doesn't look good," he says, referring to Nash (a woman). "We've got to get this guy out of here. He's got no face."

Travis brushed daily with a Water Pik and knew how to use the toilet. In the end, he was still a chimp.

WAS HIS LAST NAME BICKLE?

A pet chimpanzee attacks a woman he's known for years, tearing off her face and then attacking a cop.

Travis, 14, was shot dead Monday in Stamford, Conn.

The New York Times tells it this way:

The woman, Charla Nash, 55, a friend of the chimpanzee’s owner, was being treated at Stamford Hospital and might not survive, the authorities said. ...

The attack, in the driveway of a sprawling home in a densely wooded neighborhood on the north side of Stamford, also brought a brutal end to the life of the chimpanzee, Travis, 14, a popular figure in town who had appeared in television commercials and often posed for photographs at the towing shop operated by his owners. He had escaped before, and in 2003 playfully held up traffic at a busy intersection for several hours, but had no history of violence, the authorities said. Travis’s social skills included drinking wine from a stemmed glass, dressing and bathing himself and using a computer.

Travis’s owner, Sandra Herold, 70, had raised him almost as one of her own children, but found herself lunging at him with a butcher knife on Monday to protect Ms. Nash ...

A police officer shot Travis after he opened the car door and attacked the cop.

WHEN HAMSTERS GO BAD

Bravo to the anchor for keeping it together.

PETA PORN

PETA -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals -- says it wanted to run this ad during the Super Bowl. NBC censors apparently said no way.

Who's right? Watch the ad and decide for yourself.


'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

DOC SAYS YOU'RE GONNA DIE

Man in Australia squats for a little roadside relief. Deadly brown snake squirms between his legs and lunges at the dangly bits. Man and snake freak.

The Cairns Post has the story:

Emergency workers raced to the scene to treat the man.

The wound was wrapped in plastic in case poison had penetrated the skin but medical staff gave the man the all-clear after conducting tests.

He was taken to Cooktown Hospital where he spent a night recovering.

The ambulance spokesman described him as "lucky", given his near encounter with one of Australia’s most poisonous snakes.

"I think he was a bit shocked and embarrassed," he said.

Life imitates joke.

DOING WHAT TIGERS DO

Tatiana was a 350-pound Siberian tiger. She got out of her enclosure at the San Francisco Zoo on Christmas. One man is dead; two others are wounded.

As the San Francisco Chronicle reports:

Zoo officials are still unsure how the tiger escaped the enclosure. Authorities believe it initially attacked all three victims, killing [17-year-old Carlos Sousa Jr.]. Officials believe the cat then followed blood trails to Terrace Cafe, where it cornered the other boys, brothers ages 19 and 23.

Although some zoo officials speculate the threesome may have teased the tiger, San Francisco police Lt. Leroy Lindo said police currently have no reason to believe the three men taunted the animal prior to the attack, which happened shortly after the zoo's 5 p.m. closing time. Dozens of visitors and some employees were still inside the zoo at the time.

Cops shot the tiger to death. Too bad she died while following her nature.

WOOF, WOOFEN, WAFFEN

Police in Straubling, Bavaria, say a man shaved a swastika and a Waffen-SS insignia into his dog's fur. He's 29 (the man, not the dog) -- too young to remember, too old to be pulling this kind of noise.

Reuters reports:

Police made the discovery when the suspect's ex-girlfriend requested police help to collect her belongings from his apartment because she was afraid of him.

It was not clear if the man, who has not commented on the markings, had shown the dog in public, a police spokesman said.

"That still needs to be proved," he said. "If he only kept the dog inside the apartment, it wouldn't be public."

Grotesque, yes. But not public, and thus not a crime in Germany. Show off a Nazi symbol there, you can go to prison for three years. Keep it hidden and you're simply a sick twist.

DOG SHOOTS MAN

Man shoots dog: not news. Dog shoots man: Betcha. The BBC reports:

A man out hunting in Iowa was shot in the leg after a hunting dog stepped on his gun, authorities said.

The accident happened after James Harris, 37, put his gun on the ground to retrieve a fallen pheasant.

One of a pack of hunting dogs following behind stepped on the trigger, and up to 120 birdshot pellets hit Mr Harris in the left calf at short range.

A local official told a news agency the injury was "not life-threatening, but will give him trouble for a long time".

As will his hunting buds.

WE CAN BEARLY STAND IT

Captivity is a movie starring Elisha Cuthbert. It caught flack earlier this year for ads that featured a woman being kidnapped, tortured and killed.

We didn't think it included bears, but go figure. The movie's web site warns that the R-rated flick contains

"strong violence, torture, pervasive terror, grizzly images, language and some sexual material."

Very hairy, and not in a good way.

SATURDAY THIS, THAT, T'OTHER

For you, a pocketful of shells:

•Be sure and visit Life of Jason. Good guy, good blog, different perspective. As the poet-philosopher Rodney King might say, let's all just get along.

•The radio board belonging to Art Morris has a boffo thread going. Topic: When should a radio newsroom help a radio personality?

•First Michael Vick (sorry, Dustin), now Earl Simmons, better known as rapper/actor DMX. KPNX reports that police raided DMX's home in Maricopa County and seized several pit bulls. They also found the remains of three other dogs on the property. One of the dead dogs had been burned.

•Is Fidel Castro dead? That's the rumor for Saturday.

Go and fight the bulls on parade.

DOG REBELLION COMING SOON

We met a great dog today. But when she gets wind of this photo gallery in the New York Daily News, she's going to round up her canine companions and wage war.

Wigs on dogs? This one looks like a 'do we sported in the Flock of Seagulls days. God help us all.

TASTY WITH BUTTER

Three feet long. Ten pounds plus. A lobster worth wrestling.

The BBC reports:

Chris Hovard, from Wyke Regis, Dorset, was diving when the creature - weighing more than 10lbs - scuttled towards him near Weymouth jetty on Saturday.

The 51-year-old, who has been diving for 34 years, said he had never seen a crustacean "anywhere near this size".

The lobster, he named Lemmy after the lead singer of rock band Motorhead, is now at Weymouth's Sea Life Park.

Rescued from boiling water. Damn.

SURVIVING THE WHALE HUNT

The bowhead whale weighed 50 tons when it was caught in waters off Alaska. Embedded in its neck was a small piece of metal -- an arrow-shaped weapon that was made, and fired, more than 100 years ago.

The Associated Press reports:

Calculating a whale's age can be difficult, and is usually gauged by amino acids in the eye lenses. It's rare to find one that has lived more than a century, but experts say the oldest were close to 200 years old.

The bomb lance fragment, lodged a bone between the whale's neck and shoulder blade, was likely manufactured in New Bedford, on the southeast coast of Massachusetts, a major whaling center at that time, said John Bockstoce, an adjunct curator of the New Bedford Whaling Museum.

It was probably shot at the whale from a heavy shoulder gun around 1890. The small metal cylinder was filled with explosives fitted with a time-delay fuse so it would explode seconds after it was shot into the whale. The bomb lance was meant to kill the whale immediately and prevent it from escaping.

The device exploded and probably injured the whale, Bockstoce said.

"It probably hurt the whale, or annoyed him, but it hit him in a non-lethal place," he said. "He couldn't have been that bothered if he lived for another 100 years."

Researchers say the captured whale was probably 115 years old. Just a kid when it was shot.

A SLIGHT PAUSE IN THE PROCEEDINGS

We haven't been far from a computer screen, but other stuff involving burp clothes and onesies has kept us away from Blogistan. Sorry for the pause. Hope it refreshed.

Regular posting will resume soon. Just checking in right now to let you know, courtesy of the Borneo News:

A crocodile believed to have attacked Sannga Megong, a worker at an oil palm plantation in Sungai Sebeba last month, was caught and killed by villagers here on Sunday. Human bones, hair and parts of a skull were found in the belly of the seven-metre long beast, which was caught in Sungai Similajau, about 100 metres from the location of the May 11 attack.

A Sarawak Forestry Corporation spokesman, however, said it could not be confirm whether the crocodile was the one which attacked Sannga, 31. "We will send the bones and hair for analysis to determine whether the crocodile is the one which killed Sannga."

The two-tonne beast was caught after it swallowed bait set by locals. The SFC spokesman said two other giant crocodiles had been spotted along the river.

Nothing like a 23-foot-long crocodile to put the food chain in the proper perspective.

DOES YOUR PET HAVE A SOUL?

A Friday break. We were leafing through the 'net and found this column from Burt Prelutsky: Does Fido Have a Soul?

Do pets get the got-a-soul seal of approval? Does it depend on the pet? We've owned dogs and cats. They seemed pretty animated. But is that your definition of soul? Spirit?

Prelutsky writes:

If an entire species is, by its very nature, warm-hearted, conscientious, loyal and brave, one would be hard-pressed to maintain that, in spite of all these virtues, they are soul-less.

If there is an afterlife, a heaven, a whatever, and animals aren't allowed, who would want to go?

HURRY UP AND DIE, ALREADY

Bird lover? Flock to Burgos, Spain, and get an up close and personal experience with vultures. Starving vultures. Now on the attack.

According to Reuters:

In one incident, about 100 vultures killed a cow and her newborn calf, a rancher from the Mena Valley said, according to the Spanish government's office in Burgos, quoted by state news agency EFE.

Ranchers have complained that vultures started attacking livestock several months ago when a feeding station set up in the Ordunte mountains was closed by the neighbouring province of Vizcaya. Vultures prefer to feed on the carcasses of dead animals, but carrion is scarce in modern Spain.

Mmm. Carrion.

ONE CUTE ANIMAL PER ZOO, PLEASE

The Berlin Zoo recently showed off Knut, a polar bear cub born last December. Cute? Betcha.

But so was Yan Yan, a 22-year-old giant panda; her name means "The Cute One." Cute no more, however. She's dead, Jim. Spiegel reports:

She was found on Monday afternoon after alarmed visitors reported her lying motionless in her outdoor enclosure where she liked to roll around in the sand and lazily munch on bamboo shoots.

A post mortem showed that she died of heart failure caused by acute constipation, zoo vet Andreas Ochs told the Associated Press. There had been no signs that Yan Yan had been in any pain so it had been impossible to detect that she was constipated, he added.

Pandas can live more than 30 years. Berlin zoo's other Panda, Bao Bao, is 29 and going strong. Yan Yan is being kept in a refrigerated room while officials decide what to do with her. Technically she still belongs to China, which loaned her to the zoo in 1995.

The bear's certainly cuter, but he'll outgrow it.

SNAKES IN A DUPLEX!

In Indianapolis! Holy mamba! The Associated Press reports:

Conservation officers who entered the home of a man who sought treatment for a poisonous snake bite found 15 venomous vipers, including cobras and rattlesnakes, inside.

Michael Fillenwarth, 47, was taken into custody but later released after Monday night's raid on his home due to medical issues related to his snake bite, officials said.

Authorities learned of the snakes after Fillenwarth sought treatment over the weekend for a bite from the highly venomous green mamba, native to Africa.

Sgt. Dean Shadley, an Indiana Conservation Officer, said Fillenwarth did not have the proper permits to keep the snakes, which Shadley described as "extremely poisonous." He is charged with possession of a dangerous reptile without a permit. ...

Officers confiscated five types of rattlesnakes, three types of cobras, along with gaboon vipers, copperheads, a puff adder, and two green mambas from Fillenwarth's duplex on Indianapolis' east side. They also seized caged quail Fillenwarth was using as food for the reptiles.

As Fat Jack might say, it's a good thing the mamba didn't bite him in the flanderdoodle.