On Being True

latest WIP - untitled

8" x 10" watercolor on aquabord

I've recently started working on aquabord, just to try something new. This is a very tricky surface to get used to. It is super absorbent so there's even less time to manipulate the paint than I usually have when I work on paper. I'm determined to master it though, no matter how long that takes me.

And during this last year I have found out that in order to keep artist's block at bay I need to constantly be challenging myself with new subjects, surfaces, mediums.

Maybe it's not so much to keep artist's block at bay as it is that I don't want to admit that I have a very short attention span. In honor of that short attention span I'm keeping my post short and sweet today. (I know you are *shocked* right?? ;)

There's been a lot going on in my mind lately about the life of being an artist. We live a life of extremes I think, we have passion for what we believe in, and what we do, in nearly excessive amounts, and because of that when we feel despair we feel it deeper and with more intensity.

But what else can we do? In order to be the artist we are meant to be we need to be who we really are, we need to be true. To the dictates of our own heart.

No matter what anyone else says.

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish." John Jakes

Happy weekend everyone. :) See you all on Monday for the reveal of the Cook-Waller monthly painting challenge. Huzzah!

 

Trust SOLD

'Trust' SOLD

5" x 7" gouache on aquabord

click here to bid

Synonyms for trust: confidence, hope, faith, belief, conviction, expectation, dependence, reliance.

Definition of trust: 1. assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something 2. one in which confidence is placed 3. hope for the future

Every time I lock eyes with my dog I see this trust there that I don't see with anyone else. Her trust is absolute, with a very childlike faith. She believes that I will always be there for her, that I will do my best by her. And when I see her watching me with those soulful eyes, or feel her soft muzzle rest on my feet while I paint, I think of how lucky I am to have someone who believes in me so much with a faith that is never failing.

Trust is a powerful thing.  

It's something every artist must have. Not the trust of someone else in what you can do, or who you are, like my sweet dog, but trust in yourself. The belief that what you are doing, whatever you're doing, matters. That it will have an impact with someone. That it will bring you whatever it is you're looking for that made you want to become an artist in the first place.

That you can succeed. However it may be that you define that word for yourself.

That's where true confidence begins. Inside you, not from the approval, or acclaim of anyone else. It all begins with you.

Huzzah. :)

Until Tuesday my friends.

This Artists Life

watercolor work in progress

10" x 14"

With every portrait painting there is a certain point when everything starts to come together. I have the foundation in place, the shapes of the face are accurate, and the hard part is over.

But. . . this point is kind of a no return. I'm crossing the Rubicon. It's do or die from here on out. (okay I'm done with the cliches. . . I think) I need to tread carefully and take slow, methodical steps to finish the painting and push it to be everything I want it to be. If I rush it and don't think it through carefully I will make a mistake and it will be ruined.

That's where I am with this painting right now. I'm ready to see it finished but it's taking me a long time, more in planning than actual execution. But that's the way I paint. This is me. I can't paint any other way.

Sometimes there's some kind of Divine intervention that comes over me and my hands and eyes know exactly what to do, but most of the time my paintings require a good deal of thought and planning, as much as I might wish otherwise.

I think that sometimes we try to be what we think others want us to be. Spontaneous, loose, impressionistic. Those are all qualities that I admire in other artist's work. But it's not me. I can't force myself to paint or write in a way that isn't my own unique voice.

So I paint portraits, because I love faces and expression, and horses because they are beautiful, powerful, and kind, or stuffed animals, or sliced kiwis just because. And I write about cupcakes and chocolate, insecurities and fears, Coldplay songs and the Vampire Diaries, Hobbit jokes in novels and my life as a mother. I write about things that make me feel something. I paint things that make me feel something.

And it is my fervent hope that when you come here you feel something too. :)

So thank you friends, for reading my posts (which are sometimes longer than they should be), looking at my paintings (even the bad ones), encouraging me (when I'm feeling bad about myself) and making me laugh (with your witty comments and emails). I am an artist and I always will be, but the journey is made easier and more enjoyable when you know there's someone there to share it with. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. :))) 

And my good friend Sandra featured me on her blog today! I'm so honored and touched. Thank you Sandra! Do go check it out right here. :)

Like No One Is Watching

My Light

10" x 14" watercolor

Confession: When I'm at home all by myself (which is really not all that often) . . . I crank up my iPod and sing really, really loudly.

Am I any good?

No. Not really.

But is it fun?

Definitely.

Saturday morning I went running. The streets were quiet, no one was rushing to work, and there was this hazy fog that covered everything and made me feel like I was possibly the last runner in the world.

I ran past this tree with low hanging branches and I thought of something I used to do as a kid. We had this big willow tree in our front yard and I would always try to jump and touch the branches that hung down.

Okay, honestly I wasn't just trying to jump and touch them, I *hoped* that if I could just grab one of those branches I'd be able to hold onto it and swing around in that tree. Like a monkey. Or Tarzan.  

When I ran past that tree this last Saturday, and remembered what I did as a kid, I wanted to jump and reach for those branches. Just to see if I could touch them. Just to try and feel like a kid again.

But then I thought. . . What if someone's watching me? What if someone sees a grown woman jump just so she can try to touch some tree branches?? Oh, the embarassment!!

So I ran past that tree without jumping.

I only got a few steps before I realized that I was being stupid. Who cares if someone saw me? Who cares if I look like a big weirdo jumping up and down for no apparent reason?

I turned around, ran for the tree, jumped and touched the branches.  

It felt good. :)

I don't know about you, but sometimes I think I miss out on reaching my full creative potential because I'm too worried about what other people will think of me or my work. And then I miss out on all the joy that I know I can feel when I just follow my heart and paint or write what I want to, the way I want to.

And I know I miss out on opportunities to really grow creatively because I'm stifling all those wonderful possibilities out of fear. The fear of being judged and found wanting.

So from now on, no more closet iPod singing, or tree branch jumping! It's my life, and I'm going to create the way that feels right to me.

Huzzah!!

This portrait is of my oldest boy. I haven't painted a simple portrait of him for a while and I need a new one of him to go on my wall. I have it all planned out where I'm going to put three new portraits of my three sweet boys.

I know that some would say his slightly goofy smile, or the bright sunlight and strong shadows on his face is breaking some portrait rules. But I like it. It feels right to me. It shows my boys' happy personality. His pure heart shines in this.

And really, that's all that matters. :)

Have a great day everyone!

Dwight, an example of self confidence, who knew?

"Rising Up"

watercolor 5x7 

   

  This morning I woke up early planning to write. But I realized I had one more day before the deadline for my UWS show and I had nothing to enter. It's a watercolor show, but every piece can be no larger than 12" including the frame. And I don't have anything that size, unbelievable! So I thought I would try and paint something real quick, knowing this would be the last bit of free time I would have before Saturday. I painted this in Sepia to kind of give it a more western feel and because it is much quicker for me to only work in value instead of color.

     I put in my ipod and gathered a cup of water and a cup of sepia paint, a few brushes and a paint rag and sat in the middle of my family room floor and just painted. I didn't keep track of time and it went so fast! I was done in about an hour, which I still can't believe because I am a SLOW artist. And while I realize that this piece is more of a study than a masterpiece, it was fun and I like it. The house was so quiet, it was still dark outside, and it had just started to snow. It was a good time. And I am pretty happy with myself that I will be meeting my goal :)

     Sometimes we do just need to get started, it seems to me that my most successful paintings are the ones I did on a whim. Just because I thought it would be fun, or because I wanted to. Not because I thought a judge would like it, or that it would sell, but just for me. In fact most of the paintings of mine that have won awards have been exactly like that. Of course some I paint thinking they are fantastic and no one else does, but that's a whole other story.

     I really believe that if we are true to our "artist hearts" and create what moves us, or inspires us instead of what we think we "should" be creating that other people will respond to our work the same way we do. Paintings that are created from the heart can't help but touch other people as well. They just can feel it. And I know we will succeed if we remember that in everything that we do. Maybe not always in the way others think we should, but to us we will. So create what moves you, and everything else will fall into place.

     The success I feel in creating this painting today is internal, I feel good about myself, more confident, ready to tackle another project. Because I have proven to myself that I can. And if that's not success, I don't know what is. Now I need to apply this line of thinking to my writing, which at times consumes me with nasty self doubt. Just keep telling yourself you can do this, because you are awesome. You know Dwight from the Office? When he wanted to ask Michael for a raise and he went out into the hall and did some dorky dance to head banging 80's rock talking himself up, "Because I'm Awesome!!!!" he shouted. Keep telling yourself that in a much less humiliating, lame, Dwight way. Do what you love the rest will follow.

     So, my question to all you reading this is, how do you let yourself do what you love, and not be paralyzed by what other people think? Feel free to comment, I love to hear them.