Tales of a Paper Girl, Volume 1

Wednesday papers.

You may not know this, but I'm a paper lady... A legit, paper-slinging paper lady. I'll be candid. I never imagined myself doing this. And even now, it's kind of funny to think about... Here's how it came together, if you'd like to hear. Or read. Whatever.

March 2013:

I just found out I got into grad school. (Victory!) Then I was brutally reminded how financially taxing this commitment would be. Tuition. Books. Parking permit. ($500 to park on campus. They are making the bucks HAND OVER FIST! It's bananas!) Rent. Gas. Food. Living. I've done the whole grad school thing before, so I was well aware that the bills would continue to roll in, even if I wasn't working full time. So then, I was faced with the realities of returning to school. Crap.

Cue my colleague, "Glenn." Glenn is a tutor, an umpire, a teacher, and a paper-man. We met through MCC. Glenn has become a good pal at work, and he commiserated with my anxiety of returning to school. Glenn has a PhD in Chemistry, so he's familiar with student loans. I told him I was starting to look for a summer job to cushion my savings for the move I would be facing in August. "Wanna do a paper-route?" he said, with his nose partially in a book. Glenn is a big history buff. He almost always has a presidential biography in his hand. "Haha," I laughed. "Are you serious?" He looked up from his reading and grinned. "Sure, I could upgrade my route to a much bigger one and we could split it. You do three days a week, and I do three days a week. We could do Sundays together because it's a really big paper day. It's a two-(wo)man job." I stared at him.

"Well, alright," I said. This should be interesting.

And so it began. Here are few lessons I learned almost immediately.

Delivering papers is physically taxing. You arrive at the distribution center in the middle of the night. (130a or 200a depending on the day) You assemble all the papers. (Sometimes 1 part, sometimes 5 parts) You load all of them into your car, then you pitch them out your window.

Papers have the annoying tendency to slip under your seats and between your console. Pain in the...!

People take their papers seriously. If you miss a house, you'll hear about it. For us, delivering to a retirement community in an up-scale neighborhood is especially interesting. Customers are pretty much waiting outside for their paper when you pull up to their house. Do not be late. (On another note, do not get out of your car to hand them the paper. Although this would be considered respectful and proper, their dog might ATTACK you. Trust me, I know from experience. Lesson learned.)

Sunday papers are big and painful to throw. Next time you pick up a Sunday paper, remember your paper-(wo)man had to throw that to your driveway. Not only yours, but likely a couple hundred others. (If you're wondering, we deliver anywhere between 250 - 500 papers every morning, depending on the day. The number is always the highest on Sundays.)

Some people like their paper placed at their front door. (Reasons might include: disability, elderly, laziness.) This requires that you get out of your car and run it up to the front door. We only have five or six of these requests on our route, but it slows you down, nonetheless.

So humbling. I started meeting a lot of interesting people who are just trying to make it by. And it's interesting, I never imagined it would be the way it is. It's like an under-ground network of badass delivery people, like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or X-Men. I'm serious.

Geez Louise. This was just the first week, and I was already exhausted! As the summer progressed, more interesting things started to happen. Stay tuned. ;)

Thinking About the Unthinkable

Papa Meyer schmoozing Miss Kate, my niece.

My family and I are quickly approaching the one year anniversary of my Dad's passing. September 11 now holds a completely different meaning for me. It was certainly a year filled with grief and difficult lessons learned. For my sister and I specifically, we discovered how important it is to have our affairs in order, even now. I'm serious. 

About a year before our Dad died, we had encouraged him to examine his end of life plan. This was not a, "You're going to die soon, so figure out what you want" type of talk. This was a, "We never know when or what will happen. You have to be prepared" conversation. Bless his stubborn soul. He refused. In his mind, dying was so far off, it wasn't even worth considering yet. Round and round we went. Ugh, it was exhausting. And, unfortunately, he won that conversation every single time. (Perhaps "winning" isn't the best way to describe our discussions. My Dad would yell and make grunting noises, shake his head and say, "You don't know what you're talking about." Then, he would change the subject or ask you to leave. Winning, I guess...?)

Fast forward one year. Our lives turned upside down when a heart attack took his life. It was devastating. On top of the grief we were feeling, we were charged with the task of organizing his affairs, or more accurately, we were charged with the task of trying not to shake our heads over the lack of organization in his affairs. He named no beneficiaries or familial contacts on any of his accounts. We had no idea what was out there. Any debt? Medical records? Who do we need to notify? Social security will need to know? Friends? Family members? I recall an interesting conversation with my research advisor (and good friend) from graduate school. She said, "It will take about a year to get everything in order. Be prepared." Ugh. Are you serious? No way. Melanie and I will be *on top of it!* 

I was lying to myself. 

Here we are, a year later, still working through the legalities of his life. 

And so the universe spoke loud and clear. Be prepared. Over the last few months, I have been making a *very* organized list of all of my financial obligations, beneficiaries and familial contacts. "Where will this go when I go?" is a question I've asked myself repeatedly. Gosh, I teach Death and Dying to college students for crying out loud. This should be an easy task! It's not. It's a challenge. More than just the sweat of producing such a bundle of information, I was stricken with anxiety over the possibility that someday something might happen. So, am I an alarmist? Certainly not. I'm prepared. I could be faced with the end today. Or tomorrow. Who knows? The reality is, Melanie and I *do not* want to leave our family members with the burdens our Dad left us. We miss him so, but perhaps his final lesson for us was his most valuable one. It is awfully interesting that we learned it after he was gone.  

Do you ever "turn about the room?"

via

Have you seen Pride and Prejudice? (Mr. Darcy = swoon.) After hearing a reference to a "turn about the room" during an exchange between Caroline and Elizabeth, I thought it was a thing, like a Jane Austen era type-thing? (Anybody have any insight on this?) Anyway, Caroline says, "it's awfully nice to get up and move around after sitting so long in one attitude." Caroline is a total snob, but I absolutely love this reference. In fact, I've added it to my repertoire, and I've encouraged my students to do the same. Let me tell you why... 

When I'm in the lab tutoring, or in the classroom teaching, my stimulus level is through the roof. I'm working through Algebra and Statistics problems, or I'm leading a discussion on the Forensic Applications of traditional Psychological theories. Killer. When I'm not in the lab or the classroom, I'm fiddling around with technology - writing an email, blogging on about something ridiculous (like turns about the room), or prepping a lecture. Or, if I'm working on an assignment for school, I'm pushing my neural boundaries, and that is mentally exhausting. The reality is, my stimulus level is sky high all the time. So, then, when the stimuli are removed, I become jittery and anxious. (I can't even talk about my addiction to technology!) Interestingly, I see the same for my students. After a few hours of dedicated brain power and mental sweating, they are totally spent. However, they're driven to just finish it, whatever the cost. They try and try, and become more upset when a concept doesn't stick. My response...

Go turn about. 

Leave everything behind. Do not take your cell phone, your computer, your tablet. Do not take any of your study materials. Just peace out for ten minutes. The truth is, I think Caroline is on to something. When you've sat for so long in "one attitude," it is downright heavenly, and simply refreshing, to walk away and absorb some fresh perspective. I might take a bottle of water with me and just focus on breathing - in through my nose and out through my mouth. I think this is a totally under-rated activity and can be effective in any profession. Just an hour ago, I took a turn about the building. It was nice. And now, here I am, revved up and ready to go again. After committing to this for about six months, I've noticed a genuine difference in my attitude. I feel a genuine sense of warmth after I do it, and I am less irritable at the end of the day. Try it. :)

How to... Be humble.

(I'm about to talk about some pretty cool philosophical stuff. 

Here is my obligatory sunset shot from dinner out a few nights ago. ;)

William Penn, a Quaker, philosopher, and founder of the Pennsylvania settlement said, "Sense shines with a double luster when it is set in humility. An able, yet humble, man is a jewel worth a kingdom." Gosh, I love that quote.

Why, though, do we need to be humble? Researchers Exline and Zell (2006) suggest that being humble promotes forgiveness. It's a comment on our good character when we can forgive the misbehaviors and misgivings of others and move on. From a more professional perspective, Crigger and Godfrey (2010) argued that humility is a professional characteristic woven with integrity, bravery, and fair-mindedness. In their article, The Importance of Being Humble, they discuss the value of promoting ethical behavior as individuals. Humility, then, lends itself to the presence of a good character, using it to live a life of purpose so that we may benefit ourselves and others.

I subscribe to the belief that we should all be so humble... In my opinion, we are the architects of our attitudes, and I feel that, occasionally, my attitude could use some work. Because, every once in awhile, the Universe overnights some pretty nasty energy my way - academically, professionally, and personally. I have found, in the last few years specifically, that my responses to my experiences are not always a reflection of my beliefs. I try, of course, but I can be better. I want to be better. Because, the reality is, it's not what happens to you, it's how you react to what happens to you. 

So, as a result, I compiled a mental list, and now a tangible list, of all the behaviors and cognitions that, I believe, make - up a humble person. And, I'm going to commit to them in my daily routine. (I think I'll put them on a post-it and paste it to my bathroom mirror!)

So, here we go...

1. Reach out to others, be helpful. Golly gee. Working as a tutor and teacher, I am constantly "on," if that makes sense. "How can I help?" is the teacher's equivalent to a server asking you how everything tasted. I say it more times than I could even count. I love it, I do! However, at the end of the day, my mind is fried. I don't want to talk, or think. As a result, I fail to reach out to those closest to me. I think this lends itself to the greater problem - my work/life balance is totally out of whack. I'm currently seeking a way to balance my energy so that everybody gets the best of me, and I get the best of me. Challenge accepted.

2. Be curious and ask questions, allow people to teach me, and be enthusiastic about it. I give myself major props in this category. However, although I consider it a strength, it's my greatest weakness, too. I am curious about everything. I want to learn about everything. It's exhausting. I was once told by my graduate advisor, "You like everything. It's too much. Pick ONE thing." But, but! I don't wanna!

... Ok, I'll do it.

3. Be impressed, allow myself to be awestruck. Have you ever taken a look around and been impressed? I had INTERNET on my flight home from Boston last week. INTERNET. To reference Louis C.K. (the comedian, guys!), I was sitting in a chair... In the sky... Flying across the country... And I was surfing the INTERNET. That's impressive.

4. Be an individual, and be proud of it. Respect the individuality in others. I have my quirks. I LOVE reading research articles. Nerd. I am totally into Twilight. Nerd. I have about 30 documentaries in my Netflix instant que. Nerd. It wasn't until recently that I started showing off my peacock feathers and totally owning them. I'm getting better about not comparing my weird stuff to others' weird stuff. I'm still working on it.

5. Know my limitations. I don't know everything. Admitting that is the hard part. Knowing when to say, "I don't know how to do this" is very humbling. Becoming a teacher and working with college students has given me the opportunity to refine this skill. They know you don't know everything, but you don't want them to know that you don't know everything. Gosh, what a silly game we play with ourselves.

6. Recognize my faults and be willing to make mistakes (without enforcing a strict emotional consequence upon myself). If you know me well, you know I'm a perfectionist. If you're my Mother, you know I beat myself up when I'm not perfect. Can you admit when you make a mistake? I believe so many people struggle with the admission of a slip-up because we become vulnerable. This vulnerability creates an emotional imbalance, and we do our best to maintain equilibrium. In addition to that, some people do not respond well when others make mistakes. I think the best possible solution is to surround ourselves with people who appreciate the value and importance of making mistakes. I'm trying to get into the habit of seeing a mistake as a growing experience: a chance to do it differently and better than I did last time. Viktor Frankl, an Austrian existential neurologist and psychiatrist, said, "Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time." In other words, how can you be better? You wouldn't have even known it could be better if you hadn't acted wrongly in the first place... (Interesting thought.) If you haven't read his book, Man's Search for Meaning, you MUST. Game. Changer. (Look up his other reads, too. Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning. Amazing. So good, you'll buy them. You want them in your library.)

7. Share positive feedback and appreciate other people. Freud once argued that we, as individuals, have a hard time complimenting other people, because it might reveal a weakness in ourselves. That breeds competition, and a lot of the time, competition breeds envy. Nobody likes the green monster. A colleague of mine once told me, "A compliment has no value unless shared." He is so right. If I hang onto my love nuggets (that's right, I said love nugget - a little nugget of love), it means nothing. If I share, "I love your blouse!" Boom! The energy escapes my body and gains a positive charge, and the Universe is better because of it. Now, finding the balance between being cheery and giving with our compliments vs. being creepy and overly zealous might be the difficult part.

8. Count my blessings. In all honesty, I sat here and stared at the screen for a bit, trying to design a way to effectively operationalize all of the goodness around me. How can we be better about counting our blessings? First, say it out loud. Some Positive Psychology research states that if you literally say out loud, "I'm blessed because of my ::insert blessing here::," you'll actually gain endorphins. (They're called gratitude exercises.) Basically, don't be freaked when you hear me talking to myself in the bathroom, "I'm blessed because Mom made meatloaf for me this week!" (Legit, Mama Meyer's meatloaf is the bomb.) Positive self-talk is actually a corner-stone for mental health. A colleague of mine always starts test day with a chant. (No, not a creepy cult chant.) "I will take the test for 55 minutes for the next 55 minutes only. After that, I will leave class and eat a cookie and not think about the test." Yep, I'm all about that. Second, lead a life of purpose... On purpose. Gosh, easier said than done. Consider this: Viktor Frankl (He's my favy, can you tell?) said, “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.” Mind. Blown. 

9. Write about it. I have found that the most effective way to reflect on who are you is to write about who you are, so write it down. (Or "type it down?") If you don't like it, you can burn it. If you do like it, you can write about in a blog... ;) Behaviorally speaking, growth stems from our ability to examine ourselves with honesty, and be willing to make changes. After all, we are all just works in progress, eh?

In summary:

Since I spoke last, a few things happened.

1. I got my Master's. 
2. I moved home to Phoenix. Haboobs. 
3. I started teaching. College students. They're not very forgiving when you make a mistake. ;)
4. I applied to graduate school. Goal: Make a difference in Psychology
5. I didn't get in. That was humbling.
6. I fell in love with teaching. Like, madly in love. 
7. I applied to graduate school, again. Goal: Make a difference in Education using Psychology.
8. I got in. 

Funny how things work out, huh? Look out, Tucson. I'm comin' for you.

It's Friday!

Miss Kate, my niece, grows up. :)

HABOOB!

Last night, Phoenix erupted with dust. It was the first major haboob (Arabic, type of intense sand storm observed in arid regions throughout the world) of our annual monsoon season. We're no strangers to haboobs, but this one was pretty ridiculous. Check out the photos I took last night on my little ol' camera phone.

You can see the dust rolling into the valley...

And the wall of dust approaches...

And my favorite, it reaches the neighborhood...

Here's a video from AP, originally via ABC15. The haboob was estimated to be 17 miles WIDE. 17 MILES. Seriously, wth? I received some desperate phone calls this morning from pals across the country, very concerned I may have been killed. WE ARE OK! :) Just a little bit dusty.

Holding the Sun

My co-worker shared this with me earlier this week. Enjoy!

He was wrong, and it was a good thing.

(photo via)

Today, while enjoying my lunch, I was jabbering with a co-worker. He lovingly discussed his years in France with his pregnant wife. He spent two years there as he pursued his degree, aching to return to his friends who lived there. Upon arriving home in Mexico city, he reflected on his life leading up to that point, as though he already reached his peak in life. "As I stood on the stairs leading down to the tarmac, I thought, my best years are behind me," he said... 

"I was wrong. The best was yet to come."

Ahh, that made my Wednesday! I hope we can all embrace the possibility that there is no such thing as a "peak" in life, and that we have endless opportunities available to pursue the peaks at any stage of the game  :) 

Hector

(photo via)

I recently finished a "Hector" book - Hector and the Search for Happiness, and I fell in love. It was a pleasure to read, didn't force my brain into over load (have you read Lolita??), and made me feel good afterward... So you can imagine my excitement when the author, Francois Lelord, released his second book - Hector and the Secrets of Love. I'm starting it today and I can't wait to report back! :)

(photo via)

Dr. Lelord is, in fact, a psychiatrist. His first installment outlined his pursuit to accurately describe and define the term, "happiness." What does it mean to be happy? How does it feel? How do different cultures experience it? (He actually traveled to several different countries to survey this topic.) It's a must read!! The second book, then, tells tales of love abroad. I'm loving it, so far!