Do you ever "turn about the room?"

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Have you seen Pride and Prejudice? (Mr. Darcy = swoon.) After hearing a reference to a "turn about the room" during an exchange between Caroline and Elizabeth, I thought it was a thing, like a Jane Austen era type-thing? (Anybody have any insight on this?) Anyway, Caroline says, "it's awfully nice to get up and move around after sitting so long in one attitude." Caroline is a total snob, but I absolutely love this reference. In fact, I've added it to my repertoire, and I've encouraged my students to do the same. Let me tell you why... 

When I'm in the lab tutoring, or in the classroom teaching, my stimulus level is through the roof. I'm working through Algebra and Statistics problems, or I'm leading a discussion on the Forensic Applications of traditional Psychological theories. Killer. When I'm not in the lab or the classroom, I'm fiddling around with technology - writing an email, blogging on about something ridiculous (like turns about the room), or prepping a lecture. Or, if I'm working on an assignment for school, I'm pushing my neural boundaries, and that is mentally exhausting. The reality is, my stimulus level is sky high all the time. So, then, when the stimuli are removed, I become jittery and anxious. (I can't even talk about my addiction to technology!) Interestingly, I see the same for my students. After a few hours of dedicated brain power and mental sweating, they are totally spent. However, they're driven to just finish it, whatever the cost. They try and try, and become more upset when a concept doesn't stick. My response...

Go turn about. 

Leave everything behind. Do not take your cell phone, your computer, your tablet. Do not take any of your study materials. Just peace out for ten minutes. The truth is, I think Caroline is on to something. When you've sat for so long in "one attitude," it is downright heavenly, and simply refreshing, to walk away and absorb some fresh perspective. I might take a bottle of water with me and just focus on breathing - in through my nose and out through my mouth. I think this is a totally under-rated activity and can be effective in any profession. Just an hour ago, I took a turn about the building. It was nice. And now, here I am, revved up and ready to go again. After committing to this for about six months, I've noticed a genuine difference in my attitude. I feel a genuine sense of warmth after I do it, and I am less irritable at the end of the day. Try it. :)

How to... Be humble.

(I'm about to talk about some pretty cool philosophical stuff. 

Here is my obligatory sunset shot from dinner out a few nights ago. ;)

William Penn, a Quaker, philosopher, and founder of the Pennsylvania settlement said, "Sense shines with a double luster when it is set in humility. An able, yet humble, man is a jewel worth a kingdom." Gosh, I love that quote.

Why, though, do we need to be humble? Researchers Exline and Zell (2006) suggest that being humble promotes forgiveness. It's a comment on our good character when we can forgive the misbehaviors and misgivings of others and move on. From a more professional perspective, Crigger and Godfrey (2010) argued that humility is a professional characteristic woven with integrity, bravery, and fair-mindedness. In their article, The Importance of Being Humble, they discuss the value of promoting ethical behavior as individuals. Humility, then, lends itself to the presence of a good character, using it to live a life of purpose so that we may benefit ourselves and others.

I subscribe to the belief that we should all be so humble... In my opinion, we are the architects of our attitudes, and I feel that, occasionally, my attitude could use some work. Because, every once in awhile, the Universe overnights some pretty nasty energy my way - academically, professionally, and personally. I have found, in the last few years specifically, that my responses to my experiences are not always a reflection of my beliefs. I try, of course, but I can be better. I want to be better. Because, the reality is, it's not what happens to you, it's how you react to what happens to you. 

So, as a result, I compiled a mental list, and now a tangible list, of all the behaviors and cognitions that, I believe, make - up a humble person. And, I'm going to commit to them in my daily routine. (I think I'll put them on a post-it and paste it to my bathroom mirror!)

So, here we go...

1. Reach out to others, be helpful. Golly gee. Working as a tutor and teacher, I am constantly "on," if that makes sense. "How can I help?" is the teacher's equivalent to a server asking you how everything tasted. I say it more times than I could even count. I love it, I do! However, at the end of the day, my mind is fried. I don't want to talk, or think. As a result, I fail to reach out to those closest to me. I think this lends itself to the greater problem - my work/life balance is totally out of whack. I'm currently seeking a way to balance my energy so that everybody gets the best of me, and I get the best of me. Challenge accepted.

2. Be curious and ask questions, allow people to teach me, and be enthusiastic about it. I give myself major props in this category. However, although I consider it a strength, it's my greatest weakness, too. I am curious about everything. I want to learn about everything. It's exhausting. I was once told by my graduate advisor, "You like everything. It's too much. Pick ONE thing." But, but! I don't wanna!

... Ok, I'll do it.

3. Be impressed, allow myself to be awestruck. Have you ever taken a look around and been impressed? I had INTERNET on my flight home from Boston last week. INTERNET. To reference Louis C.K. (the comedian, guys!), I was sitting in a chair... In the sky... Flying across the country... And I was surfing the INTERNET. That's impressive.

4. Be an individual, and be proud of it. Respect the individuality in others. I have my quirks. I LOVE reading research articles. Nerd. I am totally into Twilight. Nerd. I have about 30 documentaries in my Netflix instant que. Nerd. It wasn't until recently that I started showing off my peacock feathers and totally owning them. I'm getting better about not comparing my weird stuff to others' weird stuff. I'm still working on it.

5. Know my limitations. I don't know everything. Admitting that is the hard part. Knowing when to say, "I don't know how to do this" is very humbling. Becoming a teacher and working with college students has given me the opportunity to refine this skill. They know you don't know everything, but you don't want them to know that you don't know everything. Gosh, what a silly game we play with ourselves.

6. Recognize my faults and be willing to make mistakes (without enforcing a strict emotional consequence upon myself). If you know me well, you know I'm a perfectionist. If you're my Mother, you know I beat myself up when I'm not perfect. Can you admit when you make a mistake? I believe so many people struggle with the admission of a slip-up because we become vulnerable. This vulnerability creates an emotional imbalance, and we do our best to maintain equilibrium. In addition to that, some people do not respond well when others make mistakes. I think the best possible solution is to surround ourselves with people who appreciate the value and importance of making mistakes. I'm trying to get into the habit of seeing a mistake as a growing experience: a chance to do it differently and better than I did last time. Viktor Frankl, an Austrian existential neurologist and psychiatrist, said, "Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time." In other words, how can you be better? You wouldn't have even known it could be better if you hadn't acted wrongly in the first place... (Interesting thought.) If you haven't read his book, Man's Search for Meaning, you MUST. Game. Changer. (Look up his other reads, too. Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning. Amazing. So good, you'll buy them. You want them in your library.)

7. Share positive feedback and appreciate other people. Freud once argued that we, as individuals, have a hard time complimenting other people, because it might reveal a weakness in ourselves. That breeds competition, and a lot of the time, competition breeds envy. Nobody likes the green monster. A colleague of mine once told me, "A compliment has no value unless shared." He is so right. If I hang onto my love nuggets (that's right, I said love nugget - a little nugget of love), it means nothing. If I share, "I love your blouse!" Boom! The energy escapes my body and gains a positive charge, and the Universe is better because of it. Now, finding the balance between being cheery and giving with our compliments vs. being creepy and overly zealous might be the difficult part.

8. Count my blessings. In all honesty, I sat here and stared at the screen for a bit, trying to design a way to effectively operationalize all of the goodness around me. How can we be better about counting our blessings? First, say it out loud. Some Positive Psychology research states that if you literally say out loud, "I'm blessed because of my ::insert blessing here::," you'll actually gain endorphins. (They're called gratitude exercises.) Basically, don't be freaked when you hear me talking to myself in the bathroom, "I'm blessed because Mom made meatloaf for me this week!" (Legit, Mama Meyer's meatloaf is the bomb.) Positive self-talk is actually a corner-stone for mental health. A colleague of mine always starts test day with a chant. (No, not a creepy cult chant.) "I will take the test for 55 minutes for the next 55 minutes only. After that, I will leave class and eat a cookie and not think about the test." Yep, I'm all about that. Second, lead a life of purpose... On purpose. Gosh, easier said than done. Consider this: Viktor Frankl (He's my favy, can you tell?) said, “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.” Mind. Blown. 

9. Write about it. I have found that the most effective way to reflect on who are you is to write about who you are, so write it down. (Or "type it down?") If you don't like it, you can burn it. If you do like it, you can write about in a blog... ;) Behaviorally speaking, growth stems from our ability to examine ourselves with honesty, and be willing to make changes. After all, we are all just works in progress, eh?

In summary:

Since I spoke last, a few things happened.

1. I got my Master's. 
2. I moved home to Phoenix. Haboobs. 
3. I started teaching. College students. They're not very forgiving when you make a mistake. ;)
4. I applied to graduate school. Goal: Make a difference in Psychology
5. I didn't get in. That was humbling.
6. I fell in love with teaching. Like, madly in love. 
7. I applied to graduate school, again. Goal: Make a difference in Education using Psychology.
8. I got in. 

Funny how things work out, huh? Look out, Tucson. I'm comin' for you.