Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
An Orthodox Woman who no longer says She Asani Kirtzono
Written by MFB, and taken from the comment thread on "Sometimes its ok to change the liturgy; sometimes it isn't"
I'm an orthodox woman who stopped saying the bracha of sheasani kirtzono about 15 years ago. Strangely enough, the fact that my husband and other men in my life say shelo asani isha every day doesn't bother me nearly as much as the idea of shelo asani isha as a "consolation prize" bracha. I guess I learned the explanation that shelo asani isha has to do with the number of mitzvot one is obligated to do when I was very young and just never really questioned it. (I thought that explanation is in the gemara, why do you say it was created long after?
[DB: I mis-communicated earlier.The Jerusalem Talmud and Tosefta say the the reason for the blessing is that women are not obligated in Mitzvot. The suggestion, I think, is that this makes men superior to women, just as free Jewish men are superior to non-Jews and slaves. Other sources rely on the reason given by the Tosefta and the Jerusalem Talmud though some also introduce social explanations, or suggest this is just a way of reaching 100 blessings. The business about women being on a higher spiritual level, came much later I think.]
Although now that I think about it, it does seem strange to say that the absolute number of mitzvoth is what matters rather than the amount of time one spends doing mitzvoth. (There are some mitzvoth that are performed very infrequently or take very little time to perform while others are done often and take up a good chunk of one's time)
The bracha of sheasani kirtzono always bothered me much more. It seems that the woman is acknowledging that it is somehow "better" to be a man, but is accepting her lower status as being G-d's will similar to how we accept other evils in the world that we don't understand as being somehow part of G-d's master plan. I never felt comfortable saying a bracha that implied that I wish I were a man. I am sure that being a man has some advantages that as a woman I could never understand (whether spiritual, practical or otherwise) but I do not think that being obligated to wear tzitzit, sit in a sukka and count sefirat haomer could possible make up for the spiritually uplifting experiences of pregnancy, childbirth and nursing a baby. But then again, what do I know, I'm just a woman.
I get that maybe 2000 years ago women might have actually felt that they had somewhat of a lesser status and therefore the bracha was appropriate, but what annoys me most is the modern apologetic spin given to it today. Women, we are told, have fewer mitzvot because they are on a higher spiritual level to begin with. So the bracha of sheasani kirtzono is thanking God for making us according to His will as higher spiritual beings. Huh?? By that logic are non-Jews on a higher spiritual level than Jews? Has any slave being offered freedom ever said, "thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather stay a slave with fewer mitzvot because it keeps me on a higher spriritual level?" And, as I said before, is spirituality measured by the actual number of mitzvot one does or by the kavana and amount of time spent absorbed in mitzvot?
When I got married 18 years ago I was under the mistaken impression that I should start davening in my husband's (Sephardi – edot mizrach) nusach (even though he didn't really care what nusach I daven in.) I noticed that in those siddurim women say the bracha of shelo asani isha without God's name (since it is a bracha that does not appear in the gemara.) I remember learning that these brachot are mentioned in the gamara in the context of trying to say 100 brachot a day and it seemed silly to me to say a bracha that I don't agree with and without God's name so it doesn't even help me reach the 100 brachot. Better to just have a piece of chocolate after I finish davening and make a bracha on that, so I just stopped saying the bracha altogether.
Truth is, the bracha I really want to say (but don’t because of halachic issues of changing the nusach of the tefilla) is one I saw years ago in a Conservative siddur. It had both men and women saying "sheasani b'tzalmo". Now, wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up every morning and thank God for creating you in His image?
Sorry for the long post. Just needed to vent a little.
I'm an orthodox woman who stopped saying the bracha of sheasani kirtzono about 15 years ago. Strangely enough, the fact that my husband and other men in my life say shelo asani isha every day doesn't bother me nearly as much as the idea of shelo asani isha as a "consolation prize" bracha. I guess I learned the explanation that shelo asani isha has to do with the number of mitzvot one is obligated to do when I was very young and just never really questioned it. (I thought that explanation is in the gemara, why do you say it was created long after?
[DB: I mis-communicated earlier.The Jerusalem Talmud and Tosefta say the the reason for the blessing is that women are not obligated in Mitzvot. The suggestion, I think, is that this makes men superior to women, just as free Jewish men are superior to non-Jews and slaves. Other sources rely on the reason given by the Tosefta and the Jerusalem Talmud though some also introduce social explanations, or suggest this is just a way of reaching 100 blessings. The business about women being on a higher spiritual level, came much later I think.]
Although now that I think about it, it does seem strange to say that the absolute number of mitzvoth is what matters rather than the amount of time one spends doing mitzvoth. (There are some mitzvoth that are performed very infrequently or take very little time to perform while others are done often and take up a good chunk of one's time)
The bracha of sheasani kirtzono always bothered me much more. It seems that the woman is acknowledging that it is somehow "better" to be a man, but is accepting her lower status as being G-d's will similar to how we accept other evils in the world that we don't understand as being somehow part of G-d's master plan. I never felt comfortable saying a bracha that implied that I wish I were a man. I am sure that being a man has some advantages that as a woman I could never understand (whether spiritual, practical or otherwise) but I do not think that being obligated to wear tzitzit, sit in a sukka and count sefirat haomer could possible make up for the spiritually uplifting experiences of pregnancy, childbirth and nursing a baby. But then again, what do I know, I'm just a woman.
I get that maybe 2000 years ago women might have actually felt that they had somewhat of a lesser status and therefore the bracha was appropriate, but what annoys me most is the modern apologetic spin given to it today. Women, we are told, have fewer mitzvot because they are on a higher spiritual level to begin with. So the bracha of sheasani kirtzono is thanking God for making us according to His will as higher spiritual beings. Huh?? By that logic are non-Jews on a higher spiritual level than Jews? Has any slave being offered freedom ever said, "thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather stay a slave with fewer mitzvot because it keeps me on a higher spriritual level?" And, as I said before, is spirituality measured by the actual number of mitzvot one does or by the kavana and amount of time spent absorbed in mitzvot?
When I got married 18 years ago I was under the mistaken impression that I should start davening in my husband's (Sephardi – edot mizrach) nusach (even though he didn't really care what nusach I daven in.) I noticed that in those siddurim women say the bracha of shelo asani isha without God's name (since it is a bracha that does not appear in the gemara.) I remember learning that these brachot are mentioned in the gamara in the context of trying to say 100 brachot a day and it seemed silly to me to say a bracha that I don't agree with and without God's name so it doesn't even help me reach the 100 brachot. Better to just have a piece of chocolate after I finish davening and make a bracha on that, so I just stopped saying the bracha altogether.
Truth is, the bracha I really want to say (but don’t because of halachic issues of changing the nusach of the tefilla) is one I saw years ago in a Conservative siddur. It had both men and women saying "sheasani b'tzalmo". Now, wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up every morning and thank God for creating you in His image?
Sorry for the long post. Just needed to vent a little.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Shidduchim, CSI Style
Guest post by A Mother in Israel (Cross-posted here)
You've heard of white tablecloths and plate-scraping. But there are questions you haven't thought of asking (yet).
A Purim spoof:
Hat tip: Mrs. S.
Celebrate Passover 2009 with Magnificent Passover Gift Baskets from Oh Nuts.
You've heard of white tablecloths and plate-scraping. But there are questions you haven't thought of asking (yet).
A Purim spoof:
Hat tip: Mrs. S.
Celebrate Passover 2009 with Magnificent Passover Gift Baskets from Oh Nuts.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Compassion for the Cruel
A guest post by Lurker:
[DOVBEAR RESPONDS]
"He who is compassionate to the cruel will ultimately be cruel to the compassionate."
-- Midrash Tanhuma Metzora 1; Yalkut Shimoni I Shmuel 121
DovBear asked us to consider a "thought experiment", in which we consider "the sacrifices of safety and comfort being made by those living within range of the Hamas rockets [as] a price that should be paid in order to deliver significant benefits to the whole country".
For the record, I categorically reject the absurd notion that letting people live this way has any benefit at all for the State of Israel. But that is not really the point of this post.
I would like to lend my assistance to the "thought experiment". Please watch the following video, which was shot in the area around a Sderot school, just as the "Color Red" alert sounded, signalling that a Kassam missle from Gaza was about to fall. It is only 40 seconds long:
As you conduct DovBear's "thought experiment", please consider the following: What you just watched has been happening several times a day in Sderot, on average, for the last few years. From the moment the alert sounds, one has a maximum of 15 seconds to get oneself (and one's children, babies, elderly parents, etc.) into a bomb shelter. And the threat never goes away -- it is constantly hanging over each and every person 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Every waking moment in which this is not happening, is spent in fear that it might be about to happen. As a result of this constant fear and tension, residents of Sderot have been developing severe behaviorial disorders. This is most common and obvious in children. The are some children who have withdrawn permantently into noncommunicative shells, and others who lash out repeatedly in violence. Older children regularly wet their beds, and some go for more than a week at a time without sleeping. Needless to say, their education system has been decimated.
Now ask yourself these questions:
He asks us: "Is this thought experiment monstrous?"
The answer is most definitely "yes". It is incredibly monstrous. And this is why:
There are no principles that could possibly justify choosing to allow our own people to live in a terrifying hell like this. And any ethical system that promotes such an idea is thoroughly immoral and evil.
The primary purpose of the State of Israel is to allow Jews to live freely and securely in their homeland. This is the core "principle that makes Israel worth protecting". If an enemy attacks us, then the correct, moral thing to do is to fight back and defend ourselves, and to do everything in our power to remove the threat. And if we fail to even try to fight back, then we have betrayed ourselves, and the most fundamental purpose of our State. We would thus become evil and immoral, and would no longer deserve to have the State.
Haza"l knew very well that Jews are naturally inclined to show compassion, even to their enemies. That is why they warned us that blindly following the dictates of such compassion can, ironically, lead to terrible cruelty against others who truly deserve our compassion. This is precisely what they meant when they declared that "he who is compassionate to the cruel will ultimately be cruel to the compassionate". To abandon our fellow Jews -- men, women, and children -- to the terror seen so vividly in the video above, in the name of some supposed ethical "principles" -- would not be moral at all, but rather a complete twisting of morality. It would be a horrifying realization of that evil and cruelty that Haza"l were warning us against.
[I anticipate that there will be those who condemn the position I presented here as immoral. Among Jews in particular, such people are almost to be expected. They represent the actualization of the very twisted morality of which Haza"l were speaking.]
[DOVBEAR RESPONDS]
Buy DB's book. (I personally recommend it.)
Buy the other guy's book. (please)
Buy DB's wife a gift (please)
[DOVBEAR RESPONDS]
"He who is compassionate to the cruel will ultimately be cruel to the compassionate."
-- Midrash Tanhuma Metzora 1; Yalkut Shimoni I Shmuel 121
DovBear asked us to consider a "thought experiment", in which we consider "the sacrifices of safety and comfort being made by those living within range of the Hamas rockets [as] a price that should be paid in order to deliver significant benefits to the whole country".
For the record, I categorically reject the absurd notion that letting people live this way has any benefit at all for the State of Israel. But that is not really the point of this post.
I would like to lend my assistance to the "thought experiment". Please watch the following video, which was shot in the area around a Sderot school, just as the "Color Red" alert sounded, signalling that a Kassam missle from Gaza was about to fall. It is only 40 seconds long:
As you conduct DovBear's "thought experiment", please consider the following: What you just watched has been happening several times a day in Sderot, on average, for the last few years. From the moment the alert sounds, one has a maximum of 15 seconds to get oneself (and one's children, babies, elderly parents, etc.) into a bomb shelter. And the threat never goes away -- it is constantly hanging over each and every person 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Every waking moment in which this is not happening, is spent in fear that it might be about to happen. As a result of this constant fear and tension, residents of Sderot have been developing severe behaviorial disorders. This is most common and obvious in children. The are some children who have withdrawn permantently into noncommunicative shells, and others who lash out repeatedly in violence. Older children regularly wet their beds, and some go for more than a week at a time without sleeping. Needless to say, their education system has been decimated.
Now ask yourself these questions:
- Would I be willing to live this way?
- Would I be willing to let my own children live this way?
- Would I be willing to let other people's children live this way?
He asks us: "Is this thought experiment monstrous?"
The answer is most definitely "yes". It is incredibly monstrous. And this is why:
There are no principles that could possibly justify choosing to allow our own people to live in a terrifying hell like this. And any ethical system that promotes such an idea is thoroughly immoral and evil.
The primary purpose of the State of Israel is to allow Jews to live freely and securely in their homeland. This is the core "principle that makes Israel worth protecting". If an enemy attacks us, then the correct, moral thing to do is to fight back and defend ourselves, and to do everything in our power to remove the threat. And if we fail to even try to fight back, then we have betrayed ourselves, and the most fundamental purpose of our State. We would thus become evil and immoral, and would no longer deserve to have the State.
Haza"l knew very well that Jews are naturally inclined to show compassion, even to their enemies. That is why they warned us that blindly following the dictates of such compassion can, ironically, lead to terrible cruelty against others who truly deserve our compassion. This is precisely what they meant when they declared that "he who is compassionate to the cruel will ultimately be cruel to the compassionate". To abandon our fellow Jews -- men, women, and children -- to the terror seen so vividly in the video above, in the name of some supposed ethical "principles" -- would not be moral at all, but rather a complete twisting of morality. It would be a horrifying realization of that evil and cruelty that Haza"l were warning us against.
[I anticipate that there will be those who condemn the position I presented here as immoral. Among Jews in particular, such people are almost to be expected. They represent the actualization of the very twisted morality of which Haza"l were speaking.]
[DOVBEAR RESPONDS]
Buy DB's book. (I personally recommend it.)
Buy the other guy's book. (please)
Buy DB's wife a gift (please)
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