Burger of the Year

While the full slate of Lord Rutledge Award winners will not be announced until New Year’s Eve, certain categories of exceptionally high importance have been afforded “extended coverage”. Album of the Year gets its own article, and so does Burger of the Year. In preparation for this list, I’ve been deep in thought for many weeks - often with a burger (or two) in my mouth. I took notes. I explored my feelings. After much reflection and extensive research, I have identified and ranked the ten best burgers of 2011. Behold, burger lovers! The list has been posted! Learn it. Know it. Live it.

10. McDonald’s McDouble
While very little of the post-breakfast Golden Arches menu is suitable for human consumption (even their “angus” burgers taste like Soylent Green), the old school McDonald’s hamburger has changed very little in my lifetime. This is the classic McDonald’s burger, double-stacked for your pleasure and priced well under $2. Yeah, I know it sucks they changed the name and took it off the dollar menu. It’s been three years - get over it.

9. Bob Evans Big Farm Smokehouse Burger
The price point on this thing is kind of ridiculous, but let’s not quibble. At least it’s not Applebee’s. This is a good burger, and toppings like Monterey-jack cheese, Memphis spice-rubbed bacon, and chipotle sauce send the flavor over the top. They don’t make this one in the microwave.

8. Fuddruckers ½ Pound Three Cheese Burger
“World’s Greatest Hamburgers”? More like the world’s eighth-greatest hamburgers. Ya gotta love that fresh produce bar, though. Nine times out of ten, I’ll just opt for the buffalo or wild boar burger.

7. Wendy’s Baconator Double
My wife is boycotting Wendy’s these days because she objects to their new “premium” pickles. I’m with her - what was wrong with the old pickles? Not a thing! The Baconator, though, has no pickles.

6. DuClaw Brewing Co. Spanish Kobe Burger
This is the only non national chain burger on the list. Turns out that the food at DuClaw Brewing Co. is actually better than the beer! How does a charbroiled Kobe beef patty topped with prosciutto, piquillo pepper aioli, and melted manchego cheese on a toasted brioche roll sound? Yeah, I know!

5. Chili’s Jalapeno Smokehouse Burger
As we well know, certain “casual” dining chains are not always known for quality. This joint is an exception. And the JSB is one hell of a fine burger.

4. Burger King Whopper
Still an American classic. 

3. Hardee’s 1/3 Pound Original Thickburger
Made with 100 percent black angus beef, and it shows. Didn’t Hardee’s used to suck? Yes, it sure did. It doesn’t anymore.

2. Five Guys Cheeseburger
Why is Five Guys so great? Their regular cheeseburger is a double cheeseburger! If you only want a single patty (Lightweight!), you have to ask for a “little” cheeseburger. This ain’t no health food chain. Greasy, juicy goodness reigns supreme in this house. Toppings are free. The meat is fresh - the place doesn’t even have a freezer! And the bun rules as well.

 1. Steak ‘N Shake Original Double n’ Cheese Steakburger
78 years old and going strong, the Original Double n’ Cheese has yet to be topped. Made from real steak and housed in a toasted butter bun that’ll bring your mouth to orgasm, this bad boy is a bargain at $3.99. Don’t forget fries!

Notice in the photo above, Handsome Dick is taunting me because he can have White Castle burgers and I cannot. I vow to get to a White Castle in the year 2012. I also vow to, for the first time since the early 1970s, try putting ketchup on fries. How will these developments affect my next burger list? Tune in next year!

- L.R.

All Dahled Up!

Merry Christmas to me! The Dahlmanns album is out! Talk about joy to the world! If you bottled the feelgood powers of The Dahlmanns' music, that shit would fly off the shelves. Even Ebenezer Scrooge would have found himself smiling and dancing within the first 20 seconds of "Get Up, Get Down". The Grinch would have geeked out to "Teenage City". Norwegians do it right! 

Given my innate weakness for girl-fronted power pop and long-standing love of The Ramones, The Dahlmanns were destined to be Faster & Louder favorites. They were, in fact, the second band I ever reviewed on this blog. And in just a few weeks, I will officially award them my 2011 Song of the Year title for their flawless interpretation of Andy Shernoff’s "I Love You Baby (But I Hate Your Friends)". Here's what I love – that song isn't even on the album! They didn't need to pad their debut LP with a hit from months ago. Instead, they went out and wrote a whole slew of new hits! Andre Dahlmann, of the legendary Yum Yums, knows a thing or two about how to write a pop song. And his wife Line Cecile Dahlmann brings a sugar-rush of vocal exuberance that warms the soul like a Christmas cookie bender. Even when she's singing sad songs ("Love the Haters") or creepy ones ("Candypants"), you can't help feeling uplifted in spite of the lyrics. There's just a brightness to this band that is all prevailing. When Santa Claus gets the holiday blahs, this is the band he listens to to regain his good cheer. The big man loves his bubblegum punk!

While the new album does slow the pace in spots to explore more downbeat material, the results are absolutely golden. The jangly "This Time" is a sad love song with absolutely beautiful melodies, and it really demonstrates how pretty of a voice Line Cecile has. Think "Questioningly" by The Ramones with Frida from ABBA on vocals. Superb! And if the Dahlmanns are largely inspired by The Ramones and Primitives, the latter's influence is most palpable on the outstanding track "Going Down". The variety is nice! But I'd be lying if I said my favorite songs on the album weren't the more "classic" Dahlmanns type numbers. "Shake Me Up Tonight" is a stone cold hit. It's got everything: driving guitars, an unstoppably upbeat energy, harmonies out the wazoo, and infectious melodies oozing from every note! It ought to be a #1 single! And "Bright City Lights" might be even better. It's a perfect pop song with such an emotionally charged chorus that it seems it ought to be playing over the closing credits of a feelgood '80s movie! This, my friends, is POP! In an ideal world, "Teenage City" would be the album's third chart-topping single, and The Dahlmanns would perform it on network TV with a gazillion fans tuned in. 

Goody, goody gumdrops! The Dahlmanns have delivered! Especially down the homestretch, All Dahled Up is an invigorating, fun-filled ride that typifies everything power pop is supposed to be. I had been eagerly awaiting this album for many months, and after all that buildup it would have been easy to have found myself at least slightly disappointed. Am I? Not even a little! All Dahled Up is everything I expected and then some. If it's not quite Album of the Year, it's firmly top three. And that's saying something considering that 2011 has been one hell of a year for music! Now bring us some figgy pudding! 

-L.R.



http://www.myspace.com/thedahlmanns/music/albums/all-dahled-up-18136480
http://www.myspace.com/thedahlmanns
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Dahlmanns/218701981476928

Nuclear Santa Claust

You may have guessed that Nuclear Santa Claust is not a wholesome group of Christmas carolers. Far from it! Imagine instead The Pagans and Screamers massacring each other in a knife fight and coming back as zombies to play Ramones songs under the lights of Armageddon. Most of the time you can tell when a "new" band is trying to play an old style, but that is not the case with this Brooklyn-by-the-way of Cleveland punk rock trio. NSC do not sound like they're from this time. Hell, they don't sound like they're from this planet! On top of that, they're just freakin' great! Remember when punk music was threatening? "Bikini Island" will blow your head clean off! My forthcoming album of the year selection may be shrouded in secrecy, but EP of the year is a stone cold mortal lock for NSC's self-titled debut. If you're a Killed by Death fanatic or a lover of early American punk, you'll want this record under your tree this Christmas!



-L.R.

http://nuclearsantaclaust.bandcamp.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Nuclear-Santa-Claust/145726368798559

Top Ten Albums...of 2001!

With the end of the month rapidly approaching, I have been working feverishly to complete this highly-anticipated top ten list. I’ve not been answering the phone. I’ve been missing airings of Man V. Food Nation. I’ve been eating only six times a day. But the hard work has paid off, and I now present you with the finished product. This is not my top ten albums of 2011. That list is far from finished. This is my top ten for 2001.

If you’ve been following me through the years, you may have noticed I have a slight (ha ha!) tendency to rush to judgment. A record is either the greatest thing I’ve ever heard, or it’s the absolute worst. I have been known to retract negative reviews. I’ve also been known to rave about a certain record and then never play it again the rest of my life. So sometimes my year-end lists embarrass me when I look them over at later points in time. But I thought, hey…What if I gave myself ten years to come up with a year-end list? Wouldn’t I get that one right? So I endeavored to reconstruct the list I published a decade ago based on how I feel today. A full decade’s worth of deliberation, reflection, research, and repeated listens have led me to this, my 2001 top ten V.2! Some titles made both lists; others did not. Join me now, faithful readers, as we take a trip back in time. The year was 2001. Now Wave Magazine still existed in print form. I turned 30 years old. I dismissed reality TV as a passing fad. George W. Bush was inaugurated. 9/11 shook the world. Linkin Park had the best selling album of the year. The first Harry Potter movie came out. Albert Pujols was the National League Rookie of the year. PlayStation 2 was still the shit. And these were the ten best punk LPs of the year:

10. U.S. Bombs- Back at the Laundromat

Out of all the “punk revivalist” bands of the late ‘90s, very few were legitimately comparable to the all-time greats. The Bombs were one of those few, and Back at the Laundromat is one of their finest albums.

9. Richmond Sluts- self titled

Remember this band? I do!

8. Zodiac Killers- Have a Blast

By 2001, a lot of folks were pretty sure that Rip Off Records was starting to go downhill. It was easy to poo-poo the Zodiac Killers for not being The Rip Offs or The Registrators or Loli and the Chones. But that was a whole lot of bullshit. If you’re a fan of early ‘80s hardcore punk, this and all the Zodiac Killers albums belong in your collection.

7. Slash City Daggers- Backstabber Blues

I will always regret panning this band’s debut album. This, their sophomore effort, was one of the best New York Dolls influenced records of its time.

6. American Heartbreak/Libertine- You Can’t Kill Rock N’ Roll

Whatever happened to Coldfront Records?! The AH half of this split was a worthy follow-up to the classic debut album Postcards from Hell. The Libertine half is golden as well. The Psychedelic Furs go punk.

5. Smogtown- Domesticviolenceland

Looking back, I really should have played this more.

4. Beltones- Cheap Trinkets

Hard to believe this is the only studio album The Beltones have ever done. Probably one of the ten best punk bands of the ‘90s.

3. Stiletto Boys- Buzzbomb Sounds

Apparently I wrote the liner notes. It was so long ago that I don’t even remember. As great as the band’s first album was, time has proven their second to be even better. Pelado Records later put out a CD version called A Company of Wolves. New album Liberator will be out in 2013.

2. Tina and the Total Babes- She’s So Tuff

Hands down, one of the five greatest power pop albums ever issued. Super groups don’t get any more super than this.

1. The Dictators- D.F.F.D.

One of the greatest bands of all-time put out what I believe to be their best album. Who will save rock n’ roll? The Dictators, dummy!

Not a bad year, eh?! Apologies go out to any bands I forgot. This whole project would have been much easier if I had actually kept copies of my original writings!

- L.R.

Amoebas! Again!

You may remember me somewhat frothing at the mouth over Amoebas a few months back. I was pretty, uh, excited. Well now the fearsome foursome from Grand Rapids has a 12-inch out, and let’s just say it’s no letdown! Issued by label-of-the-year frontrunners Modern Action Records, this self-titled eight-songer absolutely kills. It’ll make my year-end top five for sure. Amoebas are the modern-day answer to not just the snot-drenched antics of late ‘90s greats like the Stitches and Prostitutes but also to the proto-hardcore racket of early Black Flag. And at the same time, they put their own modern-day twist on these classic stylings. So although this is “old school” punk music, it feels fresh and new. If this is what the future of punk rock sounds like, then punk rock is in damn fine shape!

Amoebas s/t reprises all those smash-your-face punk hits I raved about last time - like “Nervous Wreck” and “Gimme a Fix”. Yeah, they still rip with snarling vocals and slashing guitar leads. And the songs that I hadn’t heard before demonstrate that this band just keeps getting better! “You Shake Me” slows the tempo for a more classic ’77 punk feel with lots of melody and just a hint of new wave flavor. Shades of Johnny Thunders for sure, and this is by far the best songwriting these guys have done. Outstanding! “Hollywood Trash” infuses overt catchiness into a snotty punk n’ roll attack and brings to mind forgotten Pelado Records greats like Red Invasion. And I love record closer “Blackout”, which blazes down the homestretch at the speed of light and puts a furious exclamation point on a tremendous debut album! This is the way to do it – come hard with eight short-and-sweet songs that kick a whole lot of ass and leave you wanting more. Sonically, this is a great sounding punk record with clean production that packs a punch (to the face!). Not only do Amoebas have a cool style, but they’ve got talent as well. No longer can we refer to these guys as “up-and-coming”. They’ve fully arrived, and no doubt they rate as one of the best punk bands going today. Don’t mess with the Midwest!

- L.R.

http://www.modernactionrecords.com/
http://www.myspace.com/wearetheamoebas

The Suicide Notes- WOW!

What in the hell have they been putting in the water in Portland the last ten years or so? The flow of great bands out of that city in recent years has been absolutely ridiculous. I think a colony of robots may be responsible. Maybe it’s all that rain. Every year that I’ve written about new music, Portland has loomed large. 2011 has been no different. The Cry! blew my ass away a couple months back, and now The Suicide Notes have my jaw dropping. Given the involvement of Portland punk rock stars Patrick Foss (Pure Country Gold), Tim Connolly (Epoxies), and Howie Hotknife (Mean Jeans), it’s easy to see why this new band is such a force of nature. Those dudes would be a super-group in their own right. But teamed up with not one or two but three talented female singers, they’re taking it to another level entirely. Imagine a macabre Shangri-Las with a punk edge, and you get the idea. Jessi Lixx, Miss Joseph, and Double A harmonize like they’ve been singing together forever, and already they’ve got a whole slew of amazing songs. “Hey Baby!”, probably their most conventionally “pop” song, is without doubt in Song of the Year contention. But even with its gorgeous harmonies, knock-your-socks-off chorus, and contagious upbeat energy, it’s far from your typical love song. I love how these ladies sing so cheerfully while delivering hilariously dark and twisted lyrics. Same goes for the punky surf-pop gem “Suicide Note”, which is extra ultra-peppy in spite of lyrical content that’s kinda, uh, sick! There’s definitely an early Ramones influence in this use of gallows humor, and it works especially well given the effervescent charms of all three singers. Think of this band as the sonic equivalent to the Halloween candy apple with a razor blade inside. And I love that no two songs sound the same. The danceable “Wolf Couple” comes off like a modernized Rezillos, while the near-epic “Beach Song” suggests a female fronted Simpletones or perhaps a non-futuristic Epoxies. “How Do You Know” sounds like an evil version of the Betty Everett classic “It’s In His Kiss”, while “Something at the Window” walks the fine line between creepy post-punk and poppy new wave. Damn! This is not just another “Hey, that sounds pretty good!” type band. This is more along the lines of a “Holy shit, I cannot believe how incredible this group is and I better plan my next calendar year around their record release schedule!” kind of thing. You know how I am when it comes to pop bands. I’m all about the pop. The Suicide Notes are one of the best new pop bands I’ve heard in years. You hear a lot of bands that can do amazing things with harmonies, and you hear a lot of bands who can write great catchy pop/punk songs. But rarely do you hear a band that can do both - AND pull it off with such panache and originality! Stay tuned - The Suicide Notes are gonna be special. It’s never too early to start thinking about Album of the Year 2012!

- L.R.

http://www.reverbnation.com/thesuicidenotes

http://soundcloud.com/the-suicide-notes 
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Suicide-Notes/103494104047?sk=wall

The Registrators or Teengenerate? (Or Guitar Wolf?)

The Japanese may not have invented rock n’ roll, but they damn sure perfected it. Outside of the British Invasion and the first wave of punk rock, I don’t know if one country, in a single era, has ever produced a greater trio of bands than Teengenerate, The Registrators, and Guitar Wolf. If you’ve followed punk and rock n’ roll music within the last 15 years, surely you bow down to the indubitable supremacy of all three groups. You know where I’m going with this, don’t you? It’s band battle time again, and since it’s the holiday season I figured I should take it to an epic level. So, then! If you had to pick one of the above, who would it be? Teengenerate, godheads of garage-punk? The Registrators, who took punk music a thousand years into the future? Or would it be the prolific and all-powerful Guitar Wolf? I know, I know: it seems almost cruel to make you choose. So I’ll play along.

You could make a strong case for The Registrators, who may have released the best two Japanese punk albums in Terminal Boredom and Sixteen Wires. You could make an equally strong case for Guitar Wolf, who’ve been criminally underrated in spite of a two-decade run of unceasing greatness. But I’m going with my gut here. Teengenerate demonstrated that the best rock n’ roll doesn’t necessarily come from sophisticated composition or technical proficiency. Instead, it comes from the heart and the soul. Rock n’ roll is freedom. It’s danger. It’s sex. In all those respects, Teengenerate “got” rock n’ roll. Hell, Teengenerate WAS rock n’ roll! With just three chords, crappy production values, and sloppy instrumentation, Teengenerate made some of the most exciting and inspired rock n’ roll music this world has ever known. If they weren’t the single best punk group of the 1990s, they were at least in the conversation. Guitar Wolf may have outlasted them, and The Registrators may for a time have surpassed them. But all things considered, Teengenerate was the greatest.

The floor is yours, dear reader.

-L.R.