Today the field is in a real shi**y mood. The East Coast is still feeling like we are in the fu****g ice age, and it has to be minus fifty degrees outside. To top it off, I was totally off my litigating game, and got my ask kicked in court by some ADA fresh out of law school.
So while driving home from work, I find myself filled with negative thoughts, and as a result, some things come to mind that really set me off. To insure that I won't be alone in my misery, I will share them with you:
Tip cups. Why does every freaking store have to have a tip cup? I am so sick of busine
ss people depending on my f*****g tips to offset their employees salaries it isn't funny. And have you ever noticed how some of those mother f*****s watch your tip as you drop it in the cup-Dunkin Donuts comes to mind-to make sure you are not stiffing them? Enough already!
Girl Scouts and their fu****g cookies. "Would you like to buy some cookies sir?" No little girl, I just bought cookies from the other little girl scouts camped outside my gas station, my grocery store, and my freaking front door. No I don't want to buy anymore girl scout cookies!
Co-workers who go around collecting for sh** for their kids school. OK you hit me up for $20 last week, can you wait at least another...oh, I don't know, maybe month or so before you hit me up again?
People with fake sh**. Folks, if it ain't real what's the point of wearing it? To fool people into thinking you have a real Louis Vuitton or Coach hand bag? News flash, it ain't working.
Stevie Wonder can see that your stuff is fake, and so can damn near everyone else you come in contact with. Trust me, you are far better off with a real handbag from K-Mart than with some knock off sh** you bought from the vendor on the street.
People who tell everyone via bumper stickers on their cars, that they are Christians, that their child is a straight A student at Main Street Elementary, or that abortion is wrong. Keep that sh** to yourself. The world doesn't need to know that your thoughts are thanks to a sign plastered on your car. Like I need to be looking at a sign that says "Jesus Saves" when I am on my way to deal with the sh** I deal with every day.
Republicans. OK, most republicans...no, fu** it, right about now I hate all those mother f*****s, if only because they voted in the frat boy. So yeah, republicans get under my skin big time! Most are self centered hypocrites who hate blacks,gays, immigrants, and atheist. (Not necessarily in that order) But then, some democrats get under my skin too. They pretend to be so progressive, but are no less ignorant and hypocritical than the republicans they claim to be so different from.
Politicians. They lie, they cheat, they steal, and will do damn near anything to get elected and hold on to power. The only thing worse than a politician in my book, is a republican politician.
I c
ould go on, but I just heard Anna Nicole Smith was found dead in Florida. Now I know I am supposed to say something respectful and profound here but I can't. Sorry, I feel nothing. I am still not sure I understand the American fascination with celebrities and their lives. -and deaths- Here was a woman whose only connection to me was the constant tabloid and gossip rags detailing her life's excesses with various men, and an 89 year old billionaire. I never got her while she was alive, and I sure as hell and not going to pretend I get her now. Sorry if I am being a bit harsh on the former "Trim Spa" spokesperson, she has a five month old, and I feel for the kid. But....
You know what, I better call it a night, I really don't want to say something I might regret at a later time. This has just been a real f****d up day, and I don't want to make it any worse. I am not sure if it's the cold, my job, or the fact that I have an appointment with my accountant tomorrow to do my taxes....that's another thing that sets me off; The damn IRS!
So while driving home from work, I find myself filled with negative thoughts, and as a result, some things come to mind that really set me off. To insure that I won't be alone in my misery, I will share them with you:
Tip cups. Why does every freaking store have to have a tip cup? I am so sick of busine
ss people depending on my f*****g tips to offset their employees salaries it isn't funny. And have you ever noticed how some of those mother f*****s watch your tip as you drop it in the cup-Dunkin Donuts comes to mind-to make sure you are not stiffing them? Enough already!Girl Scouts and their fu****g cookies. "Would you like to buy some cookies sir?" No little girl, I just bought cookies from the other little girl scouts camped outside my gas station, my grocery store, and my freaking front door. No I don't want to buy anymore girl scout cookies!
Co-workers who go around collecting for sh** for their kids school. OK you hit me up for $20 last week, can you wait at least another...oh, I don't know, maybe month or so before you hit me up again?
People with fake sh**. Folks, if it ain't real what's the point of wearing it? To fool people into thinking you have a real Louis Vuitton or Coach hand bag? News flash, it ain't working.
Stevie Wonder can see that your stuff is fake, and so can damn near everyone else you come in contact with. Trust me, you are far better off with a real handbag from K-Mart than with some knock off sh** you bought from the vendor on the street.
People who tell everyone via bumper stickers on their cars, that they are Christians, that their child is a straight A student at Main Street Elementary, or that abortion is wrong. Keep that sh** to yourself. The world doesn't need to know that your thoughts are thanks to a sign plastered on your car. Like I need to be looking at a sign that says "Jesus Saves" when I am on my way to deal with the sh** I deal with every day.
Republicans. OK, most republicans...no, fu** it, right about now I hate all those mother f*****s, if only because they voted in the frat boy. So yeah, republicans get under my skin big time! Most are self centered hypocrites who hate blacks,gays, immigrants, and atheist. (Not necessarily in that order) But then, some democrats get under my skin too. They pretend to be so progressive, but are no less ignorant and hypocritical than the republicans they claim to be so different from.
Politicians. They lie, they cheat, they steal, and will do damn near anything to get elected and hold on to power. The only thing worse than a politician in my book, is a republican politician.
I c
ould go on, but I just heard Anna Nicole Smith was found dead in Florida. Now I know I am supposed to say something respectful and profound here but I can't. Sorry, I feel nothing. I am still not sure I understand the American fascination with celebrities and their lives. -and deaths- Here was a woman whose only connection to me was the constant tabloid and gossip rags detailing her life's excesses with various men, and an 89 year old billionaire. I never got her while she was alive, and I sure as hell and not going to pretend I get her now. Sorry if I am being a bit harsh on the former "Trim Spa" spokesperson, she has a five month old, and I feel for the kid. But....You know what, I better call it a night, I really don't want to say something I might regret at a later time. This has just been a real f****d up day, and I don't want to make it any worse. I am not sure if it's the cold, my job, or the fact that I have an appointment with my accountant tomorrow to do my taxes....that's another thing that sets me off; The damn IRS!
