Sack of Rocks - One Bad Decision

This was not a good week for a teen who made a bad choice throwing firecrackers into a tinder box forest near Portland, Oregon. A large portion of forest is now on fire and not under control. As you read this, people with asthma are suffering. Animals are perishing. One home has burned and people have been evacuated. We lost the sun over here nearly 200 miles away. It is affecting tens of thousands of lives across Oregon into eastern Washington and beyond.  One bad decision.  Go here for news on it: Oregon Live

 

Who hasn't made a bad decision before? Rhetorical question, really.

On my walks in the smoky haze this week, I thought of Captain Joseph Hazelwood.  Remember him? The guy who was drunk at the helm while trying to navigate the Exxon Valdez through the straits in Alaska and ended spilling a shit-ton of oil in the sound? Yeah, that guy. That one bad choice changed the lives of thousands of Alaskans, killed a lot of wildlife, changed the land, and left a huge mess for residents to clean up. People whose lives depended on fishing in the area were bankrupted. Who knows how many divorces, suicides, and mental health issues were created from that one bad decision. I lived there. I witnessed much of it firsthand.

 

I cannot begin to imagine the longstanding repercussions of this disaster. I don't think anyone will know the depth of it for quite awhile. We don't know how long it will be before we see the blue skies or breath fresh air. We don't know what that area of the gorge is going to look like when the smoke clears. We don't know how many people will be displaced because of it. We don't know a lot of things.

What I do know is that a lot of people are perplexed by the one bad decision of this young person whose action has caused a lot of grief. That's a big sack of rocks he'll be carrying for a long time. I think about how that teen must be thinking "if only I had not thrown that firecracker ..." I wonder if he would take back his action? If only.

Have you ever burned down a forest, or spilled a million gallons of oil in the most pristine places? Have you ever made a super bad decision that felt like you had burned down a forest?

 love, susan

A Nod to Glen Campbell and All My Other Boyfriends and My Awesome Co-Worker

I love my new co-worker. She is 25 years younger than me but she knows a lot about things that many people her age don't.  The other day we were talking about Glen Campbell dying.  I asked her if she had heard the song he wrote before the Alzheimer's got bad.  She had not so I sent her the lyrics. Here they are in case you are wondering. Grab a tissue first. Seriously. Go grab a tissue right now before you read this.

I'm Not Gonna Miss You

Glen Campbell and The Wrecking Crew

I'm still here, but yet I'm gone

I don't play guitar or sing my songs

They never defined who I am

The man that loves you 'til the end

You're the last person I will love

You're the last face I will recall

And best of all, I'm not gonna miss you

Not gonna miss you

I'm never gonna hold you like I did

Or say I love you to the kids

You're never gonna see it in my eyes

It's not gonna hurt me when you cry

I'm never gonna know what you go through

All the things I say or do

All the hurt and all the pain

One thing selfishly remains

I'm not gonna miss you

I'm not gonna miss you

Songwriters: GLEN CAMPBELL, JULIAN RAYMOND

© BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC

For non-commercial use only.

 

Sorry. I know these lyrics hit you in the feels. I'm glad he wrote them. It it likely most of us will know someone or be someone with Alzheimer's. These words are comforting to me.

 

Okay, so I was telling my very cool co-worker that when I was a teenager, I had a major star crush on Glen Campbell and could imagine my life being married to him. He married Tanya Tucker instead. Whatup with that? She said Richard Gere was her major crush. MINE TOO! Which led me to ask her if she had ever seen American Gigolo. She hasn't but I made her promise she'd watch it. This led to a conversation about another star crush I had for a long time (but am way over it now) on Mickey Rourke. Before I tell her who I'm talking about, I describe him being a real looker in his day but nowadays he's looking worse than rough. She knew exactly who I was talking about.  She's actually seen 9 1/2 Weeks!  Girl went up 100 points on the coolness scale. Her exact words, "9 1/2 Weeks is the original 50 Shades".  Yes. Yes, it is.

 

I've got other star crushes. Don't even get me started on John Cusack. Or, Sean Penn. But for today, I'm fondly remembering my first real, imaginary love. I've forgotten a lot of things but can remember lying around in my bedroom at age 15, staring at a record cover of Glen Campbell and Bobbie Gentry, listening to them singing Little Green Apples. (heavy sigh)

 

love, susan

I Can Die Happy Now

We drove out to The Gorge Amphitheater (near George, Washington) Friday night to hear John Mayer. If you are not a fan of JM, it's all good. I wasn't a huge fan until last year when I started walking everyday and tuned into him on Pandora. When I'm walking my dog, I'm in a zone where I am able to hear only the music piping through my headphones, keeping my thoughts from scattering into a million pieces. He didn't sing it Friday night but one of the songs that hooked me on this phenomenal singer/songwriter is I Don't Trust Myself Loving You. 

 

No, I'm not the man I used to be lately
See, you met me at an interesting time
And if my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before I let you inside...

 

The pinnacle moment of the evening, for us, was when he and his two equally talented band members belted out Stevie Ray Vaughn's Caught in the Crossfire. They could not have ramped up this song any more than they did. From there, he gave his guys a break while he switched guitars and played a couple of acoustic tunes that made me love him even more. Like, a serious John Mayer crush.

 

There is something about him that I find completely irresistible. I'd have to say first it is his songwriting. When I hear the lyrics, I think I understand him. Secondly, he is awkward and I really dig that about him. When he came onstage Friday night, he simply said good evening and started playing. I think he's a guy who isn't really all that comfortable with stardom and just wants to write and sing. I hope he always keeps it real.  In the meantime, I feel like he is going to go down in music history as a great guitarist. He'll be 40 in October. I can't wait to see what he brings to the world next.

 

I'm not one to spend hard earned money on frivolous things like concert tickets but I'm glad I made the impulse buy this time. I truly can die happy.

 

Have you seen an artist that knocked your socks off?

 

love, susan

 

 

Lessons I Learned from a Beagle

Hercules went on to the Rainbow Bridge last week.  I didn't know he was even sick but something happened in his system and the vets tried to save him and he just didn't make it.

 

I saw him about 3 weeks ago when our good friends invited us over for fondue. Hercy (as he was fondly known) let me love on him and was in good spirits, so it was a big shock to hear he left us so quickly.

 

I know my friends are hurting. I received a text several days after he was gone, asking if I had any good photos of him. I didn't know why they were asking. My heart sank because I had just done a huge delete on my computer due to the glut of photos I keep. I was on overload. Luckily, these photos were hidden away in a folder I hadn't dumped yet. This has caused me to take paws and give much more thought to how I preserve my takes.

 

Hercules taught me something very valuable that I want to share.

 

My friends and I have done some trading of house/dog sitting. I met Hercules when they went on an Alaskan cruise for a week. He had a thing going on with his paw that was causing him some pain. He had run a course of antibiotics and the pain had returned while I was dog sitting. He was very verbal and I had a fear that he was going to bite me. My friends assured me he wouldn't and I worked through it with him and learned to comfort him even though he was grumbling. The next time I saw him, he was less grumbly and a couple weeks ago, I don't believe he grumbled even once. People can be that way. Grumbly. Read: I haven't felt my best for about two weeks and have hardly had a nice thing to say.

 

What Hercy taught me is that fear is something to be worked through. I had to trust that he wasn't going to bite me when he was telling me he was hurting. I think that's the way it is with people. That's a hard thing to work through sometimes. I am a runner. I don't like conflict. You growl at me and I just want to get far away from that. I don't want to stick around to find out what that's all about.

 

I also learned to count dogs when I first met Hercy. Our friends had only 3 dogs for quite awhile but due to some circumstances, they took Hercy in and made it an even 4. I would drive to their house at noon to let them out and give them love. The first day of that, I got in the car to go back to work and my OCD kicked in. I couldn't remember if all of them were back in the house. It was then that I started counting dogs. I do it now at my own house because I have a straggler who likes to hide back in the corner of our lot, sniffing the ground and taking her sweet time. It's easy to forget she is outdoors if I don't count.

 

All the dogs in my life had taught me valuable lessons. My heart hurts for my friends and I know it will take a long time to adjust. I'll think of him when I am grumbly or I meet people who are grumbly and try to take the lesson I learned from him. And, I'll keep a good count.

 

Be patient. Recognize. Work through it. Don't run. Count.  And, save your photos!

 

love, susan

 

 

My Birthday Blog

Today is my 57th birthday. I'm as happy as a clam at high tide to be alive and well.

I decided to post pictures of myself over the last couple of years so I have a place to come back to look at my happy face when I have one those rare dark days. I'd love to tell you why I have gray days but it will take a book to tell it all.  It's coming ... the book.

Most people don't know I am adopted. It isn't that I hide that fact, it's just that it doesn't really come up in conversation. Last week, for some reason it did come up in conversation and I shared a tiny bit of my story with someone. It dawned on me that a lot of it (my life story) I have not yet written down. I need to get to it before another year goes by that steals my memory.

These photos are from the last 14 years (except the 3D glasses pic) of my very happy life. I typically am on the other side of a camera but as I was looking through my images I noted every single photo of me is a happy one. That's a great chapter in my story right there.
 

I haven't always been this way. I'm very much like the Skin Horse in the Velveteen Rabbit.

 

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.' 

 

 'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

                                                    Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Three Days After Christmas

A road trip yesterday led me to stand out in the middle of the bridge in Prosser to shoot this calm winter day. I'm not sure when I've ever experience zero wind but I was thankful for the calmness and sheer beauty of the moment captured here. Just prior to this shot, two bald eagles flew overhead.  This was the perfect ending to a hard week. Or perhaps the beginning of a better week, whichever way you look at it. Friends buried their 2 1/2 year old baby on Thursday. Three days after Christmas his heart stopped beating. The service was as beautiful as that sort of thing can be. I wasn't going to attend but at the last minute realized it was not about me. The speaker must have said the word love about a hundred times and I felt it. Their baby had many physical challenges but I never saw him or photos of him without a huge grin on his face. He brought joy to this planet, that was his purpose. At the end of the service, they played a home video where he was responding to his mother's voice. He never talked but he tried. Everyone attending the service was touched by him in one way or another.  His smile will be forever etched in my mind.

Life surprises me every single day, just like those eagles flying overhead. Take a look around. There is so much to experience. Some things are hard but even in the difficult events there often is something to be positive about. Do not be discouraged.

 

love, susan 



Upsides

This is a working weekend for me. I have so much to do, so little time. I should be at the store already this morning but the coffee hasn't kicked in yet and I'm afraid neither has my mind.

 

The thought of spending all day digging up a layer of dirt and grass so we can fill in an area with gravel has me dragging. I'm not cut out for that kind of hard labor. I'm soft. I hate it. What I hate more is looking at how the weeds keep growing up near the walkway to our front door. I keep this in mind while my back is breaking.

 

I've been through much worse things than a sore back. Someday I'll actually get that stuff down on paper and share it. But right now, I use it as a tool to get through things that are slightly unpleasant.

 

The upside is that I'm spending time with my hubby and when we're done with this little project we can stand back and say we did this. The upside is that moment when I've used every bit of energy and I fall into my chair for a glass of ice water that's never tasted so good. The upside is today I take ownership of my life and my surroundings.

 

What tools do you use to get through days where you'd rather be doing something else?

 

love, susan

I Will Be Your Witness

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."  ~ Mrs. Clark to Mr. Clark from the movie Shall We Dance

Every year around this time, I stare at the calendar and I swear there is something I am supposed to remember. Is it somebody's birthday? Does one of us have a doctor's appointment?  Was I supposed to line up a dog sitter for a weekend getaway? 

WHAT IS IT?

Oh geez, it's our anniversary. How could I forget, again? This year, I had to go to the files and look at our marriage certificate to get the date right. It was one week later than I thought it was. Whew, I haven't totally lost it yet.  I had the right month. 

AM I AWFUL?

Let me tell you something. Since long before the day we stood on the banks of the Colorado River in Laughlin, Nevada, saying our 3 minute vows before a woman and the witness we hired the previous day, I already knew I had hopped onto a runaway train. It was rolling fast down a fun route I had never taken before, and stopping to tidy up the legal part of it was like a quick stop on the milk run of my life! (Check that off the "to do" list.) That day was much like the day before and very smiliar to the 4,015 days since then. Fun, exciting, carefree, joyous, and full of laughter. Getting married to my best friend was, for lack of a better word: awesome, but it was not the best part of that particular day. That, my friends, is a whole 'nother story. 
 

We laughed about it again this year. It has become an annual joke now for 11 years; us trying to remember this elusive date. I should add it to my his smart phone calendar this year. Or not. It does not matter. I'm married to a once-in-a-lifetime dance partner who gets it. (You should watch "Shall We Dance"!)  He gets it that the date and time  we became each other's witnesses was one of literally hundreds of thousands of fine moments in our relationship; and, although it may be Hallmark to remember, there are so many more to be celebrated. So I celebrate every day ... being witness to another person's life and my own.  

 

How about you?  Have you ever forgotten an important date?  Did you laugh about it? Did you send a card later?  Were you in the doghouse? Have you ever been on a runaway train? Do you celebrate an anniversary? Do you love to dance?  Have you ever been to Laughlin, Nevada?  Have you ever seen "Shall We Dance"?   Do you have  a witness?  Are you a witness?  Tell me!

 

love, susan

 

 

Yes (A to Z Blogging Challenge)





Several years ago I read the following article written by Tina Fey on saying yes. It had made such an impact on me that I copied it and shared it with a co-worker. Years later my friend mentioned she remembered this piece and it had served her well. I hope you'll take one minute to read it and leave a comment.  

 

Have you ever said YES and knew you'd figure it out later?

********************************************

 By Tina Fey

In 1997, I moved from Chicago to New York to work at "Saturday Night Live." I packed up and was going through my things to see what I would take with me and what I'd leave behind. I found an orange folder -- a regular school folder -- in a bookshelf. As soon as I saw it, I knew what it was. There were quotes written all over the front of it. Some of them were: "Greet everything with 'Yes, and....'" "Make statements instead of putting the burden on others with questions." "Stay in the present, as opposed to focusing on the past or future." "The fun is always on the other side of a yes." (emphasis added)

Years before, I was a student at Second City, an improvisational acting school in Chicago, and took a class with artistic director Martin de Maat. These quotes were some of the rules of improv he gave us. When I found the folder, I realized that taking that class had completely changed my life. It certainly sent me down a career path that I never would have ended up on otherwise. It also sent me down a personal path -- my friends were all part of the improv community. My husband was a piano player at the ImprovOlympic, and we met there. All those rules and exercises defined us and our outlook on the world. 

The things I learned in that class became part of the way I live my life. A couple of times I've been called on to do things -- jobs or whatever -- where I've felt, Maybe I'm not quite ready. Maybe it's a little early for this to happen to me. But the rules are so ingrained. "Say yes, and you'll figure it out afterward" has helped me to be more adventurous. It has definitely helped me be less afraid. 

"We're offering you a job here at 'Saturday Night Live' -- can you move here within a week?" 

 *****************************************

love, susan

Woof ~ A Love Story (A to Z Blogging Challenge)

It was the 5th Annual Dog Adoption Day yesterday at Columbia Park. I grabbed my camera and drove over to see if I could find some subjects to shoot. I was not disappointed.

 

This first photo is an image I won't soon forget. A woman was holding this little sweetheart and her hubby was asking lots of questions about this full-grown mutt. I could tell they were highly interested in her. But when the Mr. turned around and took this little girl's face in his hands, as you can see here, I knew there was no way this dog was going back to the shelter last night. I didn't stick around to confirm that fact.  I just know.

 

The eyes have it. The eyes are why I have three active, hairy, bitchy, sweet, funny, exhausting dogs. And, one lazy cat.

 

I heard on the news late last night that at least half of the dogs brought to the event were adopted. How amazing is that? Now, some might think it's a horrible thing to have people just show up and adopt dogs without the shelters giving them too much thought. Does it really matter?  If you go to the humane society, you are required to fill out an application and if there is more than one person interested in a certain animal, the staff will choose.  Ask me how I know.

 

Missy with no coat.

My "Missy" was sittin' over at the HS when I first met her in 2009. I would not have given her a second look as she was scrawny with no coat whatsoever.  She had just dropped a litter of pups and her body was suffering the consequences. She was not a pretty dog. What I did notice was that among all the barking dogs in the kennels, she was not barking and was scooched up as close as caninely possible to the front of the kennel. She caught my eye and my search was over.

 



Look at her coat!

I took her out of the kennel for a quick walk around the area to see if she was leashed trained. She stayed right with me. Sold. I filled out the application and when I heard there were other applications for her, at the insistence of my dog-lovin' friend Becky, I went back THREE times to walk her and make sure they knew my name. She had to be spayed before they could release her but I felt positive I would be chosen ... and it was so.

 

Her coat came in the next winter.  Just look at the difference in her tail. She does not resemble the dog I adopted. If she had never grown a coat, I wouldn't love her any less. But I have to tell you that when we walk her, there is never a time we don't hear at least once, "what a beautiful dog!"

 

Thinking of getting a dog?  Why not save a dog from one more day in a shelter. My experience has been that rescued dogs will love you forever. Sometimes there are challenges but that's the fun in it all. Working through the behavior that re-homed dogs can develop. It takes time and patience but it's so worth it.

 

love, susan

 

Saturday Upside - Finding the Positives

I'm joining Bonnie again in her Saturday Upside series.  I can't help it. I love finding the upsides to everything. If you want to read other blog posts from positive people, I encourage you to click on her blog Recipes Happen and check them out. Bonnie also has some great recipes.

 

I hate winter. That doesn't sound very positive, does it. But it's the truth.  This will be my fifth winter in Washington and it's always this time of year that we start talking about living somewhere else. Summers are great here. Spring is hopeful. And, fall is gorgeous.

 

My upside this week is that I am getting out and experiencing as much autumn as I possibly can.

 

Yesterday, we drove out to a co-worker's house out in the country to pick up some gords. I need them for an event I'm involved in the week before T-day for which I'll be helping with decorations. We decided to keep it simple and cheap so the idea was to find some gords to go on the tables. Imagine how giddy I was when I drove up to my friend's driveway and saw the huge wagon of gords waiting for me to pick up.

 

We have 50 tables to decorate. Do you think I have enough to put 3 or 4 on each table? I think so.

 

The other upside yesterday was that I received two phone calls early in the morning from women I really care about, back to back. It was really awesome to have the time to just sit and visit on the phone. While I was talking, I was looking out my home-office window and noticed that the yellow leaves that seemed permanent on tree the day before were falling like rain. It was beautiful.

 

While I still hate winter, it's not here yet so I'll enjoy all my waking moments until it arrives.

love, susan

A Real Songbird

Have you ever heard of Eva Cassidy? If not, you are in for a real treat. I hope you will take 4 minutes to listen to this. I promise you have never heard a more beautiful voice.

 

A very good friend gave me a CD recorded by Eva Cassidy a couple of years ago. How is it possible I had never heard of her before? Well, apparently she shied away from big record deals. In 1996, she died from cancer at the age of 33 but not before she recorded several albums.  "Songbird" was written by Fleetwood Mac and I'll say Christine McVie did a fine solo of it on their album. However, Eva Cassidy takes it up a notch! If you like this one, you should listen to  "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".  Bring Kleenex!

For you there'll be no crying
For you the sun will be shining
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's all right I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you I love you I love you
Like never before

To you I would give the world
To you I'd never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's all right I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score

**************************

On another note, I've been watching "The Voice" on NBC between last week and this. We hardly ever have the TV on but I'm so thrilled there is something on that I actually look forward to.  

Do you have a favorite "sleeper" artist?  Who is it?

love, susan

 

Midnight Cheddar Cheese

"Time spent with cats is

never wasted."  ~ unknown ~

 

 

First, I did not get a cat. But if I was going to, it would have been this one.  He was found last weekend along with two siblings out on a country road in the middle of freakin' nowhere.  A good, dog-loving friend of mine was out for a ride on Friday night, looking for a place to take a photo shot of the full moon and couldn't believe her ears when she heard kitties.  How is it possible that of all the places to be, that 3 kittens would be where she stopped? Some questions don't have answers.  

 

All I know is that she did what I would have done; got down on hands and knees (in her jammies, I might add), in the dark and rounded 'em up. Don't tell me you would have left them there. But somebody obviously did. There were no houses within miles.

 

Gene and I went over to see them the next day. Luckily, my friend has friends in the animal business and a local cat lady agreed to take them. I don't have any doubt they'll be placed. Friendly cats have a way of weaseling their way into one's heart. Dogs do it to me all the time. Weasels. I'd have a house-full if I could. Cats, not so much. However, I have to say, this one wouldn't have taken up much space. And cats are sure a lot lower maintenance than the lowest of the low-maintenance dog. Score one for cats. 

 

This is one of the siblings.  There was also a Calico but I couldn't get a decent photo of him. The cali was the least social but he was a beauty.

 

This little one laid on his back in Gene's arm and seemed quite content to be there. My husband is a cat whisperer. Really, he is! Since my friend found them around midnight, I temporarily named this one "Midnight". It's bad when you name them. Know what I mean?

 

The kitty above got a one-day name of "Cheddar Cheese".  I love cat names. They always have meaning. Unlike dog names.

 

So.  What would you do? Would you have left those kitties out there in the middle of nowhere to become coyote food? 

 

love, susan

 



On Fire



Smoke from the wildfire 90 miles away made
the sun orange in TriCities this morning.

Ellensburg (Cle Elum), Washington is on fire today.

The last I heard, at least 60 homes have been claimed and the fire was at "zero containment". Out of control with winds kicking up. It's bad.

One of my friends at work has family there and she has been receiving photos via cell phone throughout the day. It gets really real when someone you know is affected.  Luckily, her family's home escaped burning, but how I don't know. The photo I saw showed everything around the house burned. The car didn't make it. It was parked near another building and it perished.  It can be replaced.

My friend and I chatted a little about how awful it must be to see your home gone within minutes in something like this.  No time to think about what to grab. All those photos? Shoot, I might be able to grab a box but I don't have everything in one place. Perhaps I should get around to doing that.  Who ever thinks it's going to happen to them?

I got to thinking about what I'd grab if I had to vacate my house within a few minutes. I couldn't really wrap my head around it. I'd certainly make certain my hubby and animals got out with me. And my purse. Whatever pictures I could gather up. Vital records. My camera. Medications.  What else?  Some stuff can be replaced but what about the things that can't. 

How do you replace years of memories made in a home?  You simply can't. The best you can do is hope your memory serves you well and maybe you have some snapshots in the box you grab on your way out the door. 

I know there are lots of people thinking about those who lost their homes today. I heard the townspeople were gathering resources and taking all the displaced animals to the fairgrounds. Oh, the animals .....

It's a sad day in Washington state.

love, susan 

Fill In The Blanks

The day flew by. I called my dad on my lunch break and wished him a happy 80th birthday.  Late in the afternoon I realized that my days fly by, then it's a week, a month and then the years fly by.  I wondered if my dad was thinking the same thing as he was celebrating his birthday with his family in Arizona.  No doubt.

It's been an emotional couple of days for me. I tried to sit down last week to write a birthday card to my dad but ended up in a puddle of tears. It's times like these it becomes painfully clear that now, right now, is the time of my life. Not when I have enough money, or enough vacation time or the right clothes to wear or ... you fill in the blank. I have to admit that although I was thinking of my dad's life, I was also thinking about my own.

In the 7 years we lived in Arizona, the one thing I heard over and over from seniors who were much older than us was "go do it now". If you wait too long, you might have a health issue or (fill in the blank) issue that prevents you from doing the things you really want to do. 

I think I'll take that advice.

How about you?  Is there something you want to do or see, or someplace you want to go but you think you have to wait until (fill in the blank) to do it?

love, susan

Mañana

I love playing "beat the clock".  Just had this conversation with the husband last night.  I drive him crazy.

He doesn't quite understand why I can't be ready for anything 10 minutes sooner than what I am. Can anybody relate to this?

Getting out the door to work in the morning is not all that much fun for either of us. He asked me why I can't just be ready earlier.

How do I explain it?

I'm just hanging on to the last few minutes of my time. When I walk out the door to go to work, my time belongs to somebody else.

I woke up feeling like my animals this morning. The alarm sounded and I slapped it out of its misery and slept another hour. It's 5:30 a.m. and I gotta start the countdown to departure time. My plan to try his plan (do everything 10 minutes earlier) is not working this morning.  I'll think about that mañana.

Here I go!!!!

love, susan  

Never Can Say Goodbye

I do a lot of thinking when I'm sitting my at desk working. Lately I've been jotting things down on a little notepad so I can move it from my head to paper, trying to form a little more space for other things.

The other day when a co-worker announced she and her husband will be traveling to China to pick up their new baby in 8 weeks, I told her a brief version of how my sister and I came to be adopted. She asked if I remembered being adopted and since I was only 18 months old, the answer is no. 

However, some years ago when I was working for an attorney who represented the Dept of Health and Social Service with the Dept. of Law, I read a study about the effects of moving children from home to home in their early years. While very small children can't say the words to express what happens to them when they are taken from one situation to another, I don't think anyone could doubt that it effects them.  I am living proof.

I never can say goodbye. Hey, did you just think about Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 singing that song right now? It has been my theme song my whole life!

I can remember back to about age 5 or 6. My folks would take us over to see my favorite grandma for the weekend. I loved her so much that even now there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. When we visited, there was nothing more important to her than paying attention to my sister and me. She was love with skin. 

On Sunday afternoon, about an hour before I knew we had to pack up the car and head back to Roseburg, I would go missing. I hated saying goodbye and my emotions would just overwhelm me and I was embarrassed to have my family see me crying. I could not turn it off.

I am still that way today, although I am not quite so embarrassed by it. Do I have abandonment issues?  You bet I do. I wish I could keep all the people I love in one place so I never have to say goodbye. But since that's not possible, it's the best I can do to pick up the phone and call or write a letter.   

In closing, I never say goodbye.  See you again soon .....

love, susan

The Sweater

Did you ever hear somebody say something and you just knew there was so much more you had to know about it? Do you ever see an object and wish it could tell you all the stories it holds?  Well, that's exactly what happened to me a couple of weeks ago in a brief moment. 

 

She wore the sweater to work one day. I overheard her say she knitted it for her husband. He wore it when he went out to minister to folks in the winter time. I was afraid to ask more but I pushed past that fear and sat down with my co-worker to ask her about "the sweater" and the person she lovingly made it for.

He was her best friend and husband. She told me they did everything together. They spent many years traveling all over the United States spreading the gospel, often times in very cold places.  They owned a fruit farm and spent many years working side-by-side, day after day. I got the sense they had a lot of fun together. 

She had knitted him a different sweater than the one I saw her wearing that day at work. The first one was superior in its warmth but she explained he had given it away to a man he had been working with who had commented how much he liked it. Her husband took off the sweater and gave it to him.

A couple of years ago, he had to go in for surgery and the doctor discovered he had a disease that had laid dormant many years. He was sick for nearly three years before he died. When his life was nearing the end, she told me she opened the bible and read to him from Revelations.  She told me she was there, holding his hand the moment he died and it was beautiful.   She knows he is in heaven.  He spoke of heaven before he died.

She only kept the sweater and his large collection of hats after he died.  Whenever they would go into town to do business, he would negotiate having the merchant throw in a hat, saying "well gee, I bought all this stuff, the least you could do is throw in a hat". She laughed when she told me that. I imagine she was there when he got most of those hats and each of them would have a story to tell if hats could talk.

He was her second husband. She never expected to find her forever best friend. We agreed that not everyone does but we're really lucky when we do!

love, susan

Go There

I know I said I was going to try not using the word "hate" in 2012 and we're only 24 days into the new year, but here I am hating winter.

Gene has been busy moving all my photos off my virus-ridden computer onto a little laptop a good friend gave me. I pulled this picture from our Hawaii photos. It was taken two winters ago.  Sniff sniff. 

I've been dreaming about Hawaii lately. 

A very long time ago, I worked in the mental health field with a therapist who gave me a lot of good ideas and among them was this technique for remembering things. Ironically, I cannot for the life of me, remember what he called it but I want to say it is something like anchoring.  

How it works.  When I go places and experience things I want to remember forever, I close my eyes and try to capture all the things that my senses are picking up. When I snapped this photo, we were standing just off a street in Honolulu. The smell of dinner grilling at the local restaurants was in the air and people were standing politely along the beach front to share this sunset. I was there.

During the dark, cold months of January and February, I'm really glad I still have my mind to take me to those places that are warm and sunny. I'm grateful I took this photo and even more grateful my husband was able to pull my photos off my sick computer. I would have survived if he hadn't but this morning I'm especially enjoying the memories of that trip and it brings a smile to my face.

love, susan

Remember Me?

We recently opened up a checking account at a local, home-town bank.  I'm slowly moving our business over which has required a couple of trips into the new bank to open the account, make deposits and last week we picked up our new checks and debit cards.  When we walked through the front door, the new accounts lady (Carla) said, "Oh, hello Susan. I'll get your checks".  She remembered my name.  I am impressed by that.

My soon-to-be old bank has no clue who I am nor could I tell you the name of one person in the only branch this huge corporation has in this area, although I do have a favorite teller but I don't know his name. It's not that I'm all that important but it is a huge comfort to me to know that when I need something from my bank, they'll know who it is when I call for help. I have a card with Carla's name on it and she is the one who answers the phone most of the time.

My new bank serves cookies & coffee on Fridays. Gene has offered to come do banking with me every time I go. I love that!  Those folks now how to treat their customers right! 

Customer service is not completely dead. What a relief.